Table of Contents
Copyrights and Credits
Table of Contents Page
Chapter 2: The Christmas Mixer
Chapter 3: A University Student’s Winter Break
Chapter 7: Hanging Out with My Circle
Bonus Short Story: Top Qualities in Partners!
Newsletter
Color Gallery
Prologue
Prologue
I’LL NEVER FORGET THAT DAY.
I had a girlfriend, and the next day would mark our one-year anniversary.
Her name? Aisaka Reina.
We went to different universities, but being the same age gave us a lot to talk about. And jeez, she was way out of my league. She was sweet too. You could tell people were jealous of us.
Dating in university is different than in middle or high school, of course. We naturally had an adult relationship and enjoyed everything that came with it. In a way, maybe it was natural for people to be jealous.
I was proud too, to be dating a girl like her. I was so passionate that I was planning a big surprise—something I’d normally never do.
“What’s a good idea for a first anniversary, I wonder?”
I was holding an expensive bottle of champagne I’d bought for our anniversary date. Drinking champagne together—a champagne made for commemorating anniversaries, at that—seemed like a perfect plan for today, but it never would’ve occurred to the old me.
I’d made a reservation at her favorite Italian restaurant tomorrow too. I was sure she’d be elated.
As I approached her house, two emotions were battling it out inside me: excitement over how she’d react and the anxiety that I hadn’t done enough.
But what awaited at her house was an incomprehensible sight—my girlfriend was holding hands with another man. So I said the natural thing. “Let’s break up.”
How could I expect a year-long relationship to end like this? That was one month before I’d meet Santa, a beautiful woman whose arrival would change my life forever.
***
The smoke from my cigarette swirled around under the cold winter sky. Yeah, I’d started smoking this year, by the way.
“Be nice all you want, but Santa still never comes…” I—Hasegawa Yuuta—complained to myself in a park near the train station.
“Depending on what he’s offering, even I could be tempted to be good,” the woman next to me, a friend named Mino Ayaka, replied with a smile as she waited for me to finish smoking. The look on her face spoke volumes.
“Such as?”
“A boyfriend!”
“Figures,” I responded bluntly to the expected answer.
Ayaka pursed her lips unhappily. “What? That’s normal, isn’t it? Everyone wants a partner around this time of year.” As I lit my third cigarette, she demanded, “What do you want?” She knew my answer, just like I knew hers, and she was already smirking about it.
“Money.”
“Pfft, ha! Called it!” She burst into laughter right on cue.
“Shut up.” It was my turn to purse my lips unhappily. Of course, that only made her laugh harder.
“Still hung up over your ex, huh?”
“Hell no.”
“Ha ha! Aww, man! You’re a riot!”
“I said no!” I raised my voice in irritation, prompting her to finally calm down.
“Sorry, sorry. It was just so funny.”
“You’re awful.”
“Aww, don’t pout.” She patted my shoulder, her mouth still twitching in an effort to stifle her laughter. I just sighed.
Ayaka and I had known each other for a long time—we’d been friends from our second year in high school to our second year of university now. We were in the same department, so we spent a lot of time together.
She had a conventionally pretty face, so she was popular, but anyone who got to know her would quickly realize she had a, uh, unique personality. As a result, she was terminally single.
Personally, I didn’t mind how she laughed off people’s troubles. When she’d made light of my breakup, it genuinely made things a little easier.
Reina and I naturally called things off a month ago after she’d cheated on me. Most of my friends were shocked and tried to console me. I didn’t like being pitied that way, though, so I was grateful for how Ayaka could just laugh it off.
Some people disliked her for that, but she was a good person overall. Even now, she patiently waited for me to finish smoking despite not being a smoker herself.
“So, what’s the deal there? You keep in contact at all?”
“Don’t be stupid. No way I can handle that.”
“Yeah, I get it. So does that mean you’ll be coming to a mixer or two soon?” Ayaka’s eyes sparkled with excitement. She interacted with all kinds of people, and she occasionally held mixers that she’d invite me to.
“Meeeh.”
“Tell you what. I’ll be your Santa!”
“Oh, so you’ll pay me? Well, in that case…”
“Why the heck should I have to pay you?! No way!”
“Then no dice.” I ground my cigarette into the ash tray and left the smoking area.
“Oh, you’re leaving already?”
“Sorry. I’ve got work today.”
“Okay. See ya. Shoot me a LINE if you feel like it.”
“Yep.”
After a quick goodbye, I headed home.
I didn’t like mixers much. I’d lied about having work too, but could you blame me? She never would’ve stopped trying to get me to go if I stayed with her.
The stench of smoke baked into my clothes was especially strong today.
Chapter 1: How I Met Santa
Chapter 1:
How I Met Santa
ALL THE LIGHTS SHINING IN THE CITY REMINDED me, whether I liked it or not, that it was Christmas season. I side-eyed the red, green, and yellow lights and heaved a sigh.
Couples surrounded me. I cursed myself for wandering through a part of town so favored by them. Although I’d turned down Ayaka’s mixer invitation, seeing couples everywhere made me wonder if I should just accept.
I’d feel a sense of affinity when I occasionally saw groups of men, but when I heard one of them talking about “checking out a French restaurant because my girl likes them,” I was immediately plunged back into my bad mood.
My ex and I had spent last Christmas together, so I felt even more out of place among the festivities.
Amid the commotion, a girl in bright-red attire thrust a flyer in my direction. “Excuse me! Umm, here, please take this!”
I reflexively swatted her arm away—forgive me for the lame excuse, but I was just so annoyed to be there.
That threw her off balance, sending flyers…well, flying. “Eep!” she cried.
“Whoa, I’m sorry!” I frantically grabbed up the scattered papers, but unfortunately, a group of students happened to pass through and stepped on half of them. “Sorry. Jeez, I’m really sorry. I’ll pay you back.” I didn’t know how much they would cost, but I scrambled for the wallet in my back pocket.
When she saw that, the girl in red suddenly panicked.
She was dressed up just like Santa. Man, part-time work must be rough, I thought to myself despite knowing absolutely nothing about her. Ayaka and I were just talking about Santa, and speak of the devil, here she was.
“N-no, it’s okay! I’m sorry for coming at you so hard out of nowhere.”
“I’ll go with you. Better if I help you explain.” I stood up to give her the ones I’d picked up.
The girl looked hesitant, as if unsure about my suggestion.
However, my mind was mostly occupied by a different thought: This girl was drop-dead cute. Add in the Santa outfit, and she popped out from the scenery as if she’d come from another world.
Passersby shot her sidelong glances, confirming her otherworldly cuteness.
Judging by her gently curling dark-brown hair and light makeup, she was probably a university student like me. When I saw myself reflected in her big irises, I frantically returned to picking up flyers.
“Thank you for helping me out,” she said.
“I-it’s no problem. Was my fault anyway.”
“Honestly, my boss is strict, so I really do appreciate your offer. But there’s still an hour until I’m done here, so are you sure…?”
“I just freed up my day, actually. I have an hour to kill.”
The girl in the Santa outfit bowed deeply. “Okay, umm… I’ll see you later. Do you know somewhere around here I can take a break?”
“Yeah, there’s a university nearby, and they have a sort of park that you can sit in. I’ll be waiting in the café named Rita’s on the first floor of the shopping mall next to it.”
“The university right over there?” she confirmed. That was only one that fit the description, so I nodded. A spark of friendliness emerged on her face. “Umm, my name is Shinohara Mayu.”
“Hasegawa Yuuta. Okay… See ya.”
“Oh, okay! Gotcha. Meet you at Rita’s, then?”
After that, I said goodbye—strikingly awkwardly, compared with when I left Ayaka—and headed toward the shopping mall where couples loved to gather.
As I looked upon the Christmas-colored decorations all over the place, I noticed the slightest bounce in my step.
***
“She’s late.”
In Rita’s, the café in the festively decorated shopping mall, I sat at a counter alone and waited for the girl in the Santa outfit.
I rolled up a sleeve and checked the time on my watch. Forty minutes had passed since our planned meeting time.
When you think about it, I guess it makes sense.
No matter how much I defended her, all I could really do was apologize alongside her. Even though I’d panicked and pulled out my wallet, I doubted any company would really demand compensation for some dropped flyers.
I looked at my watch one last time and stood up. Then, I gulped down the rest of my cold coffee and left the café.
Be real. Apologizing together? C’mon, man, I grumbled mentally as I trudged through the bustling mall.
It was an amateur womanizer’s pick-up play. She was probably icked out. I mean, I would be if I was her. And that much was fine, sure, but wasn’t it a little mean for her to leave me waiting that long?
While I thought about it, a couple holding hands walked right toward me. They were so focused on each other that I didn’t even register to them. In the end, I’d passed right between them, severing their connection.
“Sorry.” I bowed in apology.
The high schoolers didn’t even turn to look at me. They just intertwined their fingers back together.
I heaved another sigh. Self-pity always came long before anger ever could.
Those kids would probably spend Christmas together too. Probably splurge at a nice restaurant, even though they don’t have much money.
I reached into my jeans pocket, grabbed my earbuds, and put them in. I cranked the volume way up to cut off the voices around me.
Being alone wasn’t all that bad in itself, but Christmas was just so painful for single people like me.
I decided to just go home and read manga or something. That’d make for a fine Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Just as I decided that, though, there was a timid tap on my shoulder.
I turned and saw an unfamiliar girl—no, it was the girl who was wearing a Santa outfit before. Except now, she was wearing a beige coat. I couldn’t tell when she was wearing the Santa outfit, but when I looked at her now, I could see that she was younger than me.
“Huh? What’s up?” I asked her.
“Oh, um… I’m the girl from earlier.”
“Sorry. I figured you weren’t coming, so I decided to leave.” Feeling guilty for leaving the place we’d arranged to meet, I looked away and asked, “Should we go now?”
Even if she had been forty minutes late, maybe I should’ve kept waiting for her.
“No. I took care of it.”
“Oh?”
“In more than one way, in fact.”
“Hmm?”
“I quit,” the girl declared.
“What?!”
She quit being Santa, just like that? All because I ran into her? I shuddered in horror at what I’d caused.
“I mean, I was planning to quit soon either way,” she shrugged. “I am a little bummed that I can’t wear the outfit anymore, though.”
“Y-you’re okay with this?”
“Obviously.” The girl pouted. Apparently, the polite impression I had of her was just her work persona. “I gave you my name, right? Shinohara Mayu. Maybe use it for once.”
“Oh, sorry. Umm… Should you really be telling random men your name so readily?” It wasn’t like we knew each other. We’d just literally bumped into each other on the street.
“Wow. You make me sound like I’m some kinda slut.”
“N-no, I didn’t mean it like that!” I waved my hands frantically in denial. “Listen… Sorry. I was just concerned for you, but either way, it’s not my business.”
Shinohara’s eyes went wide. “O-oh… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be mean, either. Don’t apologize! It was just a joke.”
“Huh? It was?”
“Yeah, I was kidding around.”
“N-not very easy to tell… I thought I’d actually made you mad.”
“I’m not that short-tempered.” She frowned, looking offended.
How am I supposed to know that? We’ve barely met, I thought to myself. I just grinned wryly at her.
“So, Hasegawa-san, we’re both university students. I’m a first-year, so I’d guess you’re my senior.”
“Huh? You too, Shinohara-san? Yeah, I’m a second-year.”
“You mentioned a university, and there’s only the one around here. Also, if you’re older than me, don’t bother with the honorifics. It feels weird.” Shinohara frowned again.
She wasn’t wrong. Older students only used “-san”with me at work. Doing the whole honorific thing outside of a work setting was kind of awkward.
“Well, Shinohara, is there any way I can apologize? Even if you were already planning to quit, I’m still the one that caused it to happen today.”
She crossed her arms exaggeratedly, mimicking deep thought and even “Hmm”ing to herself affectedly, before finally asking, “You have any plans tomorrow?”
“Huh?”
“There’s somewhere I want to go.” She took out her phone and started tapping. Ten or so seconds later, she held it up to show me. “It’s a nice spot. I’m sure of it.”
“Wait a second, are you…” A full-course, French-style Christmas experience? Eight thousand yen per person? Is this for real? “Why?”
“Why? Well, you know. We’re just two college buddies, or something.”
“That sounds like an excuse you made up on the spot.”
“Because it is. Why not live life making things up as you go?” she rebutted. When I sighed again, she added, “I was joking. You said it yourself—you wanted to apologize, right, Senpai? Well, I guess I’m being a little picky with the apology.”
“Urgh.” I couldn’t argue with that. I’d made the offer mere seconds ago, and it’d be pretty rude if I turned her down now. Wait… There was something she said just now. “What’s with that ‘Senpai’ business?”
It had been two years since I started university, and it was rare for anyone to call someone “Senpai” outside of clubs. In university circles—more casual versions of clubs not officially sanctioned by the school—you just used regular “-san” honorifics. I hadn’t been anyone’s “senpai” since high school.
“Oh, sorry, force of habit. I was in a club until recently, so whenever I see someone older than me, I tend to default to ‘Senpai’.”
“Huh. Is that how every club is?”
“Eh, maybe not every club… Anyway, if you don’t like it, I can drop it.”
Being called “Senpai” reminded me of my past in a way I found kind of embarrassing, but that wasn’t enough reason on its own to refuse.
“Call me whatever you like.”
“Okay then, Senpai. Hmm, wanna exchange LINE info? You’re cool with that restaurant, right?”
“Uh, sure. Whatever.”
At this point, I might as well just go with the flow.
I took out my phone and gave her my ID. I was the one who’d offered to apologize, so it was my job to obey.
And so, ex-Santa Shinohara Mayu and I had dinner plans.
It took me a while to work through how this dinner was about to cost me a small fortune.
***
When I got home, I called out to nobody in particular, “I’m back.”
I lived alone, and it sometimes felt lonely. The university wasn’t far from my parents’ house, but I’d asked them to let me move out because I’d always wanted to live alone.
I thought I’d be constantly inviting friends over to hang out, but nope. Living alone came with more disadvantages than advantages. The fact that nobody cooked me food was a big one.
I hung up my favorite jacket and tossed my phone onto a pile of laundry I’d left on the carpet. The screen flashed on, and a new message notification peeked out from the dirty clothes. It was a message from Ayaka.
I’m holding a mixer on Christmas. You’d better come.
“On Christmas?” I groaned aloud.
Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. It was a sudden invitation, but I had plans with Shinohara tomorrow, and I’d feel bad being out of the house both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
I’ve got plans. No can do, sorry.Send.
Two seconds later, my screen showed an incoming call. As expected, it was Ayaka.
“What the hell?” I asked, in lieu of a greeting.
“That’s my line. Why are you lying to me?”
“Lying?” Oh, okay. She doesn’t believe I’m the kind of guy who has Christmas plans. It made me all the angrier that she would’ve been right on the money if I hadn’t met Santa today.
“We don’t have enough people. Come on, I’m begging! See?”
“Well, no. I can’t see you.”
It sounded like there weren’t enough men to match the women who were coming to the mixer. It was rare for someone with a network like her to have trouble finding people. She had tons of people who’d come running the second she asked for something.
“If there aren’t enough men, let them handle it. Why is it your problem?”
“I wanted to introduce my best guy friends to my girlfriends this time!”
“Uh-huh. The best?”
“And wow, would you look at that, you’ve been selected. Congrats!”
“I’m hanging up.”
“Sorry, sorry! Wait!” She seemed genuinely desperate.
“What now? Okay, listen. First off, if I go, I’ll stick out like a sore thumb among your ‘best’ guy friends.”
“Aww, don’t be like that. I really do like you, you know,” she replied vacantly.
“Uhh… Did you hit your head, or something?”
“Ooh, now you’re acting all bashful! So, what are these plans of yours? You’re really not lying?”
“You little…” I gritted my teeth in frustration. “Fine… I’ve got a date with Santa.”
“Say what? Santa?” Her tone was utterly confused.
“A girl a year younger than me, dressed up like Santa. Lots happened today.” I gave her a quick recap.
After hearing the whole story, Ayaka groaned and grumbled suspiciously, “You sure this isn’t some kind of scam?”
“Ugh. Does it sound like one?”
“Making a girl go on a date with you after you messed up her flyers? Wow. King pickup artist here.”
“Hey, I’ve never been like that,” I protested.
She brushed me off with a cold, “Don’t interrupt me.”
Sure seems like you’re the one interrupting me, but okay.
“What’s worse, honestly, is inviting an older guy on a date the first time you meet him,” she continued. “Like, what if you go on this date, and then some strange guy just happens to come and demand money from you…”
“What, you think this is some kind of badger game? Surely not.”
“I dunno. Anyway, good for you. Now I know your date is tomorrow, on Christmas Eve.”
“Huh?”
“So I’ll see you the day after tomorrow, 6 p.m., in front of the station. Buh-bye!”
I stared blankly at the Call Ended screen of my phone. Ayaka had been audacious ever since high school, but lately she’d been more aggressive than ever.
***
On Christmas Eve, ex-Santa Shinohara Mayu arrived right on time, greeting me with a “Sorry to make you wait.”
“Heya. You’re perfectly on time. I just got here too.”
“I was planning to catch the train before this one, but there were so many people that I was later than I wanted to be.”
I nodded emphatically with her. I’d also noticed there were a whole lot more couples on the trains than usual.
“Shall we?” She offered to lead the way, so I followed.
The men among passing couples shot occasional glances at Shinohara. She’d put more effort into her makeup today than yesterday, so she no longer had the vibe of a younger girl. Her breathtaking cuteness made my heart flutter, I was loath to admit.
We went under an overpass and emerged onto a road separated from the couple-filled main street. It wasn’t quite deserted, but there were far fewer people here.
Unlike the main street’s ten-story giants, this one was lined by a bunch of two-story buildings. All of them were decorated in Christmas colors, and I could tell right away that they were favored by couples.
“Here we are.” Shinohara pointed not at a two-story building, but a staircase leading underground.
As I watched her walk in without hesitation, I remembered what Ayaka had said yesterday.
“Hm? What’s wrong?” Shinohara stopped along the way and looked at me, confused.
“Uh, nothing.” I shook off Ayaka’s warnings and followed her down the stairs. My date reached for the doorknob of the thick door at the end of the staircase.
The door was clearly heavy, so I reached out from behind and pulled it open for her.
Jingle jingle. The moment I opened the door, the telltale sound of Christmas bells greeted us.
A waiter politely introduced himself to us in a way that you didn’t really see at chain restaurants anymore. I instinctively corrected my posture.
“I have a 6:30 reservation under the name Shinohara,” she introduced us.
The waiter bowed again and guided us into the restaurant. It was dim inside, and I couldn’t see any seats from the hallway. Every table was in a private room closed behind a door.
He took us to a booth that fit two people sitting side-by-side. The table already had glasses on it.
Wait, this is…
“It’s a couple’s table, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Well, yes. It’s a full-course Christmas meal,” Shinohara said casually, taking the seat further in before gesturing with her eyes for me to sit as well.
“Umm…”
“This is supposed to be your apology, right?”
“Yeah. My bad.”
Her words reminded me this was a mess of my own making. I’d hyper-focused on how we’d come to a romantic place like this after meeting literally yesterday, but I needed to calm down.
“We can order drinks with each course. Get some booze, if you want.” Shinohara handed me the drink menu. The alcoholic options cost three times what they would at your average izakaya, so if I really wanted to order anything I’d have to consult my wallet first.
“So a full-course meal here is really just 8,000 yen?”
“Yep. This place is one of those hidden gems,” she said proudly.
“That’s good. On that note… Why exactly did you bring me here, again?”
“I’m glad you asked!” Her eyes lit up at my question. It seemed like she had a reason that wasn’t a badger game. “Get this! My boyfriend cheated on me last week! Me!” she huffed angrily. Then, despite there being nothing in her glass yet, she tried to drink from it. “Huh? It’s empty.”
“You should’ve noticed when you picked it up,” I said in exasperation. “By the way, aren’t you underage? If they give you alcohol, don’t drink it.”
Shinohara put down her glass and pouted. “Don’t be so serious. I bet you drank at the new student welcome party.”
The legal drinking age in Japan was twenty, and it was almost always ignored at new student welcome parties. That wasn’t even a new rule brought forth by the modern generation. Just a long-standing, maybe-not-so-good tradition.
“Nope. I politely declined.”
“Reeeally?” Shinohara narrowed her eyes and grinned at me. It was a devilish look, one that could easily manipulate more than a few unwitting men.
After that, we talked about a lot of things—the flow of conversation was helped along by the fact that we went to the same school—until our main dish arrived. Suddenly, Shinohara realized something.
“Now that I’m thinking about it, we stopped talking about me awfully fast. I figured I’d said something shocking enough to warrant some special attention.”
“You forgot too, didn’t you?”
“N-nuh-uh. I was just having fun talking.”
“Same. You wouldn’t think we just met yesterday.”
“Y-yeah. Umm, that aside…” Shinohara cleared her throat and paused for dramatic effect. “I was cheated on.”
“Okay…?” It was her second time telling me, so it lacked impact.
I was more focused on how to respond. When it happened to me, had I put my friends through this mental struggle? While I racked my brain, I sipped on the cocktail I’d ordered as an attempt to disguise my feelings.
She continued, “I put so much research into picking this spot for my romantic Christmas dinner. I just didn’t think I’d be coming with a stranger.”
“You’re the one who asked me out…”
“I reserved this date so I could have this delicious meat and tasty drinks with my boyfriend, and here I am now!”
“You don’t sound all that sad about it.” I had to call her poor acting out.
“Oh. Seen through me, huh?” Shinohara stuck her tongue out. “He was my first boyfriend. I’ve been turning down guys left and right since middle school.”
“Wow. You get a lot of confessions, huh?”
“Yep. I’m plenty popular,” she said casually. It was as if she didn’t even care.
I just nodded along. With those looks, how could she not be?
“I see. Why’d you choose to go out with him, then?”
She thought to herself intently for a minute and snapped her fingers in realization. “Well, y’know. I just wanted to do, like, couple stuff.”
“Oh?”
“I see people’s social media posts, and I’m like, ‘Wow, I wish I could do that.’ I wanted to get a boyfriend and go places.”
“Ah, I see.”
Honestly, it’s not an uncommon reason for people to start going out. Plus, this time of year, you see a lot more posts showing off people’s dates.
Couples who typically only posted after their dates would start posting pre-date selfies as well. Thanks to that, I’d recently been holding off on scrolling social media.
“So yeah, I found my first guy to date. It totally sucks that it ends with him cheating, right? I mean, I don’t even hate that it ended like that. I just hate that I can’t get him back.”
“Yeah. I think that’s normal.”
On the other hand, when the same thing happened to me, I was so shocked that I couldn’t leave my bed for a week. Ayaka got so worried that she took notes in class for me.
“He cheated on me, but he says he still loves me,” Shinohara ranted. “I wanna get revenge, and then we can call it quits.”
“How will you do that?”
“I’m thinking about it right now. I guess the safest thing to do would be to show him that I found someone else, or something. But that means I’ll need someone’s help…”
“Yeah? Good luck with that.” With that, I turned my attention to the filet mignon that had just been brought to us.
“So about that, Senpai…”
“No.”
“I didn’t even say anything!”
Pretending to be someone’s partner… It was a classic trope in manga. I had a feeling she’d ask me. Alarm bells were ringing in my head, so I’d flatly refused just in case. Based on her reaction, I’d hit a bull’s-eye.
“Please! Just for a little while! All we have to do is show him how close we are!”
“No way. I know I offered to take you here, but your relationship drama has nothing to do with me. Ask someone else.”
“It’s too embarrassing to ask my friends!”
That may be true, but it didn’t make me any more willing to do it. There had to be someone better for the job out there. Shinohara was cute. If she asked, tons of men would come out of the woodwork to offer themselves.
“Look, I’ll pay for the meal,” she insisted. “How’s that sound?”
“As if I’d let a first-year do that for me. Let’s just split it.”
If I’d asked her out myself, I would have put the whole thing on my card without hesitation. I had no intention of treating her, but I also didn’t want to be treated.
“No, I made good money doing the Santa thing. If this is the price to hire you, it’s more than worth it. I’m paying no matter what you say, so give up and let me hire you, okay?”
“N-now you’re just being insane…”
“Read my lips: I’m paying. Stop thinking and eat your beef.”
“Filet mignon,” I corrected her. The pamphlet called it “Rossini style.”
“Senpai, what does ‘Rossini style’ mean?”
“Hmm… I think it means they top it with truffles and foie gras?”
“Wow! You know so much!”
I couldn’t bear to tell her I only knew that because I’d eaten it with my ex. I remembered that filet mignon tasted good, but the price had made me take pause.
While I reminisced, I took a bite.
“Damn, that’s good…” I couldn’t help but smack my tongue.
Meat like this typically paired well with red wine, but unfortunately, I did not know the joys of that particular refreshment at the time. Instead, I opened the menu and looked over the other cocktails.
Shinohara watched me and smirked proudly. “Heh heh, so my lengthy investigation of the menu was worthwhile. It’s decided then. I look forward to your help from tomorrow onward.”
I almost spat out my drink. “H-hold on. I’ve got plans tomorrow.”
“Huh? Why do you have plans for Christmas?”
“Hey, it’s a little early to start being that mean.”
“No, it isn’t. Tell me what you’ve got going on.”
“I’ve got a mixer. I don’t plan to stay long, though.”
“A mixer…” She had a ridiculous look on her face.
“Sorry for being the kind of guy to go to a mixer on Christmas Day, I guess.”
“No, that’s fine. If you finish early, then we can meet up after. If not, the next day is fine. Just keep me posted, okay?”
With that decision made, Shinohara started eating her own filet mignon. While she squealed about how delicious the meat was—so excitedly that I could practically imagine heart marks around her—I sighed and wondered how similar she was to Ayaka.
This was shaping up to be one hell of a Christmas.
Chapter 2: The Christmas Mixer
Chapter 2:
The Christmas Mixer
ON CHRISTMAS DAY, I PLOPPED DOWN IN A SEAT at a restaurant that was fancy, yet thanks to Ayaka, devoid of couples.
“I’m amazed you found a place like this,” I mused. “I’d figure most nice spots are fully booked up by the lovebirds on days like today.” It wasn’t as luxurious and atmospheric compared to the restaurant yesterday, but given the fact that prices were much more reasonable across the board, I preferred this one.
Seemingly reading my mind, Ayaka gave a smug thumbs-up. “Scouting places out in person is always better than surfing the web. Since I’m the organizer, I gotta do my job right.”
“At least there’s one thing you take seriously.” I’d meant it as a mostly genuine compliment, but she didn’t take it that way.
“‘At least,’ huh? You make it sound like I don’t take things seriously, but I’ll have you know, I actually do.”
“Ooh. Okay, then I have a question for you. May I?” I asked Ayaka from across the table.
“Wh-why so formal?” she stammered.
“Right. So. Why is nobody else here?”
At that, she looked surprised. “Y-you’ve really done it… You asked the most taboo question in all of social gatherings!”
Her theatrical tone and expression were those of a true actress—the kind of presence that all of my friends would agree was beautiful. But my high school days, when something like this would actually make my heart flutter, had passed.
“Shut up,” I shot back. “There’s nobody here but us. No men, no women.”
I’m pretty sure she had explicitly called this a mixer on the phone.
“I…made a mistake.”
“Hmm?”
“I told you the wrong time! I gave you a time an hour early!” The act dropped in an instant, and she started talking like normal again. “Like, it’s my fault, granted, but do you ever look at your phone? I sent you so many messages and you haven’t read any of them!”
“Huh? For real?” I checked my phone and saw that I’d gotten a few LINE messages early this afternoon.
Sorry! I gave you the wrong time. Come tonight at 8 p.m.!
Tonight at 8!
Hey, if you don’t reply, I’m gonna have to head there an hour early.
At least read these!
Okay, fine! I’ll just go!
“Yep, sure did.”
I usually spent my time at home scrolling video-sharing websites, so I hadn’t noticed the notifications. Keeping my phone on silent didn’t help matters.
“I was wondering why you hadn’t replied, but I guess you’re so lonely living alone that you just blast music or something.” Ayaka rolled her eyes. “I didn’t want to make you wait for an hour, so I came early to keep you company.”
“Mmm.”
She was the one who messed up first, after all. The fact that she stuck to her guns was…neither good nor bad, but very like her.
Maybe I should thank her.
“By the way, why’d they let us in if we were an hour early?” I asked.
“They didn’t have any bookings now either, so they were flexible about it. I’ll have to thank them when I pay.”
We continued to chat idly for the next forty minutes or so until everyone arrived.
As much as I grumbled, Ayaka really was the person I could let my guard down around the most. I’d never tell her that because she’d definitely tease me, but I found hanging out with her one-on-one much more fun than any mixer.
***
“Yooo!”
“Whassup!”
“Morns!”
A trio of male students came in at once, filling the remaining slots of the mixer. They were all good-looking dudes—Ayaka’s hand-selected, most eligible bachelors.
If only they said hello like normal people, they might’ve made a good first impression. I can understand the first two, but what does “morns” mean? Is that slang for “good morning”? Saying the whole thing hardly takes up any more time. Besides, it’s the evening.
“Evening, guys!” Ayaka greeted them with a big smile.
Seeing that, I grinned inwardly.
She’d always had lots of friends since high school. Regardless of gender, everyone loved her. Her attitude right now, her outward goodness, was the reason for that.
People would notice her rougher edges as they got closer to her, but to the men here, she’d managed to keep up her façade as an affable good girl.
“Heyo, Ayaka! Thanks for inviting us today.”
“Oh no, thank you for stopping by on such short notice! It’s great to have you here, Motosaka-kun.”
“Bah, c’mon. You know I’ll go anywhere you ask me to.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, my friend!” Ayaka giggled. As someone who knew her true nature, I was tempted to laugh right along with her.
As the mixer began, everyone started conversing excitedly. For a supposedly slapped-together group of people, the men were all talkative, and the women were all pretty. Conversation, even if it was just small talk, was sure to be abundant.
Though I hadn’t really wanted to attend, I managed to have fun for the hour. We were all assigned seats facing someone of the opposite gender. The girl I was paired with also happened to like manga, so we chatted a lot about that.
Motosaka, who was seated across from Ayaka, was the only one who seemed more interested in wooing his tablemate than having a conversation.
“Gosh, I wish I had a girlfriend like you, Ayaka-chan,” he fawned.
“You’re a good guy. I’m sure she’s right around the corner!” she replied, awkwardly.
“I dunno… I mean, right now, I’d be happy just being with you, you know?”
“Jeez, come on!”
“Ah ha ha!” Motosaka slapped the table and faked laughter.
It was a classic move—shooting your shot but disguising it as a joke. I didn’t have that much romantic experience, but I’d seen a lifetime’s worth of men going after Ayaka. She’d always say she wanted a boyfriend in one breath and then repel her frivolous suitors in the next.
Sadly, those were the exact kinds of men that tended to approach her, lured in by her beauty. It wasn’t as true in high school, but it had become much more apparent since we entered university.
Once upon a time, I’d noticed that she still befriended those same guys despite them not being her type. So I’d asked her, “Why are you so friendly with everyone?”
Her answer? “Doesn’t hurt to make friends.”
From where I stood, it seemed like she was asking for a lot of unnecessary trouble, but maybe she could deal with it before anything became serious. I’d never probed that much, though, so I didn’t know for sure.
Anyway… This Motosaka guy. He’d been gulping down drinks ever since the mixer began, and he was starting to get louder for it. This place wasn’t a cheap izakaya, so it made our group stand out a little.
Before long, he started trying to steer his conversations with the girls to lewd topics. Even Ayaka started to get visibly frustrated.
“Motosaka-kun, you’re getting a little loud. Also, I don’t know if you should be asking strangers about that stuff…”
“Aww, why not? I’m just speaking for all the dudes here! These are the questions everyone else is too afraid to ask,” Motosaka protested, loud as ever. He apparently had anointed himself the representative of all men, so we ought to be grateful that he’d finally broached the topic of sex for the rest of us.
The two other guys looked at each other and chuckled. It seemed like they were willing to let him make his own bed.
“You’re making them uncomfortable, though,” I spoke up.
His face wrinkled in anger. “Why the heck are you all being downers?”
“It’s not that. Look, everyone’s uncomfortable.”
“Yeah, because you’re being a wet blanket, man.”
“Obviously not.”
“You sure about that?” Motosaka glared at me, not bothering to hide his displeasure. “This is how all the mixers I’ve gone to have been. Isn’t this normal?”
Ayaka spoke up again. “Some of them might be like that, but…”
I could almost read her mind. She wanted to say, This one isn’t, and if you could read the room, that would be obvious.
But to a guy who desperately lacked any social awareness, he was immune. “See? It’s fine. Anyway, as I was saying…” he said, trying to wrestle back control of the conversation.
The girls sitting next to Ayaka had grinned nervously the whole time, but they were visibly gloomy now.
Judging from the state of things, she’d called people that she didn’t know that well.
On the other hand, she was the one who’d invited Motosaka. With that fact hovering over us, she looked up in determination and prepared to speak. But before she could, she was interrupted by a voice far too bubbly for the situation.
“Oh, wow. Senpai, it’s you!” The spirited voice belonged to none other than Shinohara, the girl who’d quit being Santa the other day. “Good evening, Hasegawa-senpai!”
Her eyes sparkled as she ran over.
Her jaw-dropping beauty naturally captured everyone’s attention. She stood out even among a mixer full of pretty girls. Even Ayaka, the only one who could rival her, was stunned into speechlessness by her sudden arrival.
Confused by her timing, I stood up from my seat by the aisle to greet her. “H-hey. Fancy meeting you here.”
“Wow, it’s been a whole day since I saw you!” She was acting way differently from yesterday. Much too sweet. I didn’t remember her ever treating me like this, and I doubted she was the kind of person to act like that in front of others in the first place.
How’d she get here, anyway? I hadn’t told her where the mixer was happening.
As I sat in my confusion, someone spoke up unexpectedly. “Whoa, Mayu, what do you think you’re doing?” It was Motosaka.
He hadn’t flinched when Ayaka and I warned him about his behavior, but Shinohara’s appearance made him go pale in no time.
His panic, the way he used her given name… The pieces clicked into place.
When Shinohara noticed him, her voice was much colder than it had been moments ago. “Oh, you’re here.”
“Yeah, heh. What are you doing here, Mayu?”
“Does it matter? It’s a coincidence, Yuudou-senpai.” She shot him a cold glare, but coming from such a cute face, it wasn’t very scary at all. Then, she glanced at the girls’ side of the table and sighed. “Looks like you’re enjoying yourself. Again.”
“Mayu, let me be clear here. We’re having a Christmas party, all right?”
“Oh, a party, is it? Doesn’t look like that to me.”
“You know full well I learned my lesson from the other day.” Motosaka put his palm on her head, but she swatted it away.
Now that I knew what was going on between them, I spoke up. “Another mixer, right?” If he’d acted like a normal person, maybe I would’ve kept my mouth shut, but I was in no mood to protect this guy. “You were just telling us. All the other mixers you’ve been to, you make dirty jokes and stuff with the girls, right? Don’t backtrack now.”
“Y-you…” Motosaka glared at me, incredulous.
I pretended to be oblivious and stared back at him as if I had no idea why he was angry.
Shinohara shook her head, acting fed up. “I knew it. I just knew it. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend or whatever, Yuudou, so please don’t embarrass me.”
“I-It’s not true! He’s just making a stupid joke!” Motosaka clicked his tongue at me and turned to face Shinohara. “Hell, what are you doing with that guy?! You told me you don’t have many guy friends!”
“Always one to put yourself above others… By the way, you’re annoying everyone else. Keep your voice down.” Shinohara put a finger to her lips to shush him, worried about the scene he was making. She immediately made the man fall silent in a way we couldn’t before. What she’d said yesterday seemed true—he’d cheated, but he really did still love her to a fault. “As for my relationship with Hasegawa, we just spent Christmas Eve together. That’s all.”
“Pfft!” I couldn’t help but laugh. While I tried to speak up and correct her, her gaze stopped me cold.
Her eyes were saying, Just play along, please.
You’d better buy me dinner.
When he heard about yesterday, Motosaka’s face turned even paler. “What in the… That’s cheating too, isn’t it… You think it’s okay for a woman to cheat?”
“Oh, so it’s okay for a man to, then?”
“But women can’t…” He rebelled quietly, but it was clear to everyone here who was winning this argument.
Ayaka clapped her hands twice. “Okay, that’s enough for today. Let’s get together again when the time is right, yeah?” The faces of the girls sitting next to her lit up.
Our host had given up on calming Motosaka and instead opted to escape.
“Ugh… Ayaka-chan, I came because you invited me, but this group… Meh. Call me another time, okay?” He said it loudly for all to hear, stomped over to the register, and paid for his orders.
I’m amazed he thinks he’ll get invited again.
“Let’s go, Mayu,” Motosaka called out as he left. Surprisingly, she followed him without hesitation.
As she left, she turned and waved, “See you later, Senpai!”
Confused, I timidly raised my hand back. The sight of her brushing off his hand had stuck with me.
“Sorry this had to happen on Christmas, everyone…” Ayaka was sad—a rare sight—as she paid.
Everyone else consoled her. Meanwhile, I made for the door first.
Jingle. That Christmasy bell sound rang out a little sadder this time.
***
The mixer guests said goodbye at the station, and we all went our separate ways. Ayaka and I walked home together through the nighttime streets.
“Ughhh, jeez, this sucks!”
“Well, I’m sure you learned a lesson: If you drink with someone you’ve never seen drunk before, you might just be surprised.”
“But why on Christmas…? How can I even begin to apologize to everyone?”
“Remember what they said? It really was plenty of fun until he opened his mouth.” Even I had fun and was just frustrated by Motosaka ruining it. The conversation wasn’t exactly deep, but I felt like I’d gotten along well with that one girl.
“If they were really having fun, they would’ve suggested an after-party once Motosaka-kun had left. No, I really flubbed it this time.”
“Really? I dunno, I heard plenty of people chatting each other up.”
“I was stuck dealing with Motosaka, so I couldn’t talk to everyone else. It ended up being an environment where everyone just talked one-on-one. Even the people next to us were working so hard just to keep up their conversation… Ugh, there I go making excuses again.” Ayaka heaved a big sigh and brushed a hand through her hair. “At least you and your friend were having fun. She asked me for your number too.”
“Whoa, really? Just because of our similar taste in manga?”
Ayaka nodded earnestly. “She already knows you’re the kind of guy who spent Christmas Eve with another girl, so I think she just wants to be friends. At least reply to her, okay?” After saying that, she suddenly stopped as if she’d just remembered something. “Hey, so, you know Shinohara-san? Is she the Santa girl you mentioned being with yesterday?”
“Yeah, that’s the one. Santa Shinohara.”
“Wow, what a coincidence. She’s my underclassman, y’know.”
It was then that a little knot of a question in my mind had finally unraveled. “Oh! She came because you told her the address of the restaurant, huh?”
“Yeah, she asked where the mixer was. But still…I did tell her you and I were friends. Wonder why she didn’t seem very surprised.”
“I dunno. Maybe she forgot?” I was all too used to people knowing me through Ayaka randomly telling them about me.
That theory seemed to be good enough for her, so she let it go.
We arrived at the spot where we usually split up. It was a place with a lot of foot traffic, so I didn’t need to walk her any further.
“Sorry for today,” she apologized again. “I’ll make it up to you some time.”
“Truly not necessary. Stop worrying about it so much.”
“I dragged you out, and it ended up like this. Of course I’ll feel bad. Want me to take you out on a date, or something?” she offered, twirling her pretty black hair around her finger. It stood out, especially in the white light of the streetlamps.
After swallowing that feeling, though, I sighed. “That’s how you wanna make up for it? How self-conscious are you?”
“Aww. A normal guy would be thrilled.” She grinned deliberately at me.
I can’t help but feel like she’s pushing herself.
Ayaka teased me a lot, so it was easy to tell how different she was acting now.
“Listen… If I was the kind of guy who’d be tempted that easily, we wouldn’t be such good friends. Just talking to you is fun enough for me, okay?”
When she heard that, she blinked her big eyes at me a couple times. “Yeah…”
Under the streetlamps, she looked up into the night sky. Her expression wasn’t her usual plastered-on smile—it was the soft one, the one I only saw when it was just the two of us.
“Thanks,” she murmured, looking more beautiful than ever.
***
When I returned home, my usual, messy, one-room apartment greeted me.
It was still only 10:00 p.m. Before long, the couples of the world would be making their moves.
I opened social media for the first time in a while, and posts from high school and university friends littered my timeline. At this time of year, I always wanted to make fun of them.
For example, one post read, “Christmas outfit date today! But I don’t know if I look good!” Why post in the first place, then?
Another one said, “This Christmas tree is huge!” but there was no tree in the image. It was just a couple. Show us the tree, damn it.
I normally paid no mind to posts like these, but today, they actually did bother me. Was it just because it was Christmas? I didn’t want to admit it, but part of me was green with envy.
If I kept doomscrolling forever, my heart would just get darker and darker.
Fine. One more refresh, and then I’m turning it off.
As I did, my eyes lingered on a post: “I think today’s going to be a very special one! ♪”
The post itself was normal and inoffensive as can be, but the user’s profile picture was horrifyingly familiar. It was my ex, with her light-brown-dyed hair. Her name: Aisaka Reina.
Reina cheated on me a month ago. The sting of our breakup was still fresh for me. I’d gotten over it to an extent, but seeing her face still made my heart hurt.
“Tch…” Nobody was here with me, but I still felt the need to click my tongue to hide the pain. Just the words “very special,” coming from her, made me imagine so many things.
There had been signs of her losing interest in me as our one-year anniversary approached. The first was that she’d reply to my LINE messages less frequently. She’d refuse most of my invitations to take her out on dates, and she’d even cancel some at the last minute.
But the dates we did go on were fun, and she’d upload pics from them to social media, so I thought I had a chance to turn things around.
And then she cheated on me.
“Aaargh, no more remembering things!”
Ruminating wouldn’t help me at this point. After a whole bunch of moping following the breakup, I’d decided I would get over it and stop dwelling. If I kept on going as I was, I wouldn’t be able to face Ayaka—especially not when she was trying her hardest to make me feel better.
I stretched in place, hoping to reset my mood a little. My back cracked pleasantly.
When you’re feeling iffy, the best remedy is to get moving.
Speaking of… Did Shinohara get home okay?
She’d said yesterday that she wanted to get revenge on her boyfriend before she broke up with him. Crazy that it already happened. And on Christmas, of all days. Seeing how prideful Motosaka was, it must’ve hurt pretty bad to argue like that in public only to get dumped right after.
Worse, things tend to get messy when couples break up. Japanese people generally liked to keep things on the down-low in social situations, but that didn’t really apply to break-ups. Mutually agreeing to call it off and eventually being friends in the end… That didn’t seem likely coming from Shinohara and Motosaka.
Before I knew it, I’d opened Shinohara’s LINE page and pressed the call button. The familiar call tone sounded unnatural now.
The screen went dark without her answering. It’d been almost an hour since we left, so she should have been home by now.
I started to get a bad feeling, but if I couldn’t contact her, then there wasn’t much I could do. I didn’t know where she lived after all, and it was more than likely that I was just imagining things. I’d lose this unease by morning, no doubt.
I let out a big yawn and flipped the switch to heat up a bath.
As I did, my phone rang. I picked up and heard Shinohara’s voice.
“Senpai? What’s up?”
“Oh, Shinohara! Thank goodness.” I breathed a sigh of relief.
This prompted a giggle from the other end of the call. “Aww, did you call me just because you were worried?”
“Mm, well… I mean, he seemed like a handful. You two left early, so I was a little anxious.”
“Ah ha ha! Not much happened, really,” she replied cheerfully. “Actually, I was just thinking of calling you. I did a double take when I saw you were calling.”
“Huh, what a coincidence. What were you going to call for?” I asked.
She answered, guilt audible in her voice. “I wanted to apologize…for getting you involved and all.”
“Huh?”
“Umm, just like today and stuff. I made things awkward and all, when it really shouldn’t have been your business in the first place…”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. It was already nosediving before you got there.” I’d go as far as to say that she fixed everything by coming. Way better than being forced to listen to that guy forever, at least.
“Sure. But in the end, I was his girlfriend…”
“Oh, you broke up after all?”
“Well, yeah.” Her answer sounded incomplete somehow, but I didn’t press her. She could explain more if she wanted. “Going out with someone just because you personally feel like doing couple stuff isn’t great, right? If you go all the way back, it’s my fault for dating him for such a dumb reason.”
She seemed a little depressed about the situation, so I figured I’d give her my take. “That’s kinda how it works though, right? I’d say fewer and fewer couples get together because they have genuine, mutual feelings for each other.”
Maybe it was more common in middle and high school, I’d grant. If couples could only be formed by two people mutually in love, I’d say more than half of the couples in university would vanish into thin air.
I’m certain that a majority of them choose to start relationships because they want to go to couples’ events, even if many of them wouldn’t admit it.
It honestly made me happy to hear her sharing something so close to her heart.
“No wonder you’re older than me,” she murmured.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“No, it’s just that you’re good at comforting people. I thought you’d say something like, ‘Yep, you made your bed, now lay in it.’” She sounded as if I’d said something unusual.
“You understand that you bear some fault, but you’re talking to me about it to help sort out your feelings. Why would I kick you when you’re down?”
“Whoooa,” she said, stunned. “Yeah… You’re totally mature. You have my respect.”
“Uh, what? The sudden flattery is making me uncomfortable here.”
“Hey, don’t be mean. I might not look like it, but I don’t just respect anyone.”
“If someone who doesn’t respect people does respect me, that’s probably a bad thing. How about you respect Ayaka instead? You know each other, right?”
After a moment’s pause, Shinohara answered, “Ayaka, huh? I guess. I’ll think about it.”
From there, we chatted for a good half hour or so. There weren’t many people who I’d keep chatting to once we were done with whatever we were actually talking about, save for Ayaka.
We talked a lot about stuff on social media. It was funny how we agreed on so many things.
“Whew… I should go take my bath soon,” she finally said.
“Yeah. I gotta get to bed too.”
“Okay. Good night. Lemme make this up to you soon, okay?”
“Sure.”
“And thank you for today.” With that, she hung up.
Before I knew it, we were in the exact opposite positions. It was so funny that I couldn’t help but laugh.
More importantly, though the stuff with her boyfriend was over by now, she’d promised to make plans with me again.
“Soon, huh?” I murmured to myself. I looked out the window and felt the dry winter air.
I guess my encounter with Santa is going to change more than just my Christmas.
That thought made the familiar scenery outside seem more vivid than ever.
I still had plenty of time left at university. I’d spent all of middle and high school in clubs and studying for exams, so I never had any free time. University life came as a surprising, but comfortable, breath of fresh air.
Chapter 3: A University Student’s Winter Break
Chapter 3:
A University Student’s Winter Break
LOOKING BACK, MY FIRST YEAR IN UNIVERSITYhad felt like the most fulfilling time in my life. My first school circle, my first time living alone, a cute girlfriend. I’d gotten decent grades too. Everything was going well.
But settling into routine was a scary thing. The joy faded over time. I’d taken my life for granted. I’d started attending circle meetings less often, and my girlfriend cheated on me. Normal things. But these absences made me realize just how much space in my heart they’d actually occupied.
All I had left now was my leisurely bachelor life, and even that was hardly fulfilling now.
“I really screwed up…” The words spilled from my mouth as I touched the kitchen sink.
Slacking off on cleaning had come back to bite me. I wiped sticky fluid off of my rubber gloves with a paper towel.
The benefits of living alone varied from person to person. For me, they included no parental supervision, a quiet life, and being able to invite friends and girls over whenever I wanted. But right now, the bad outweighed the good.
I tossed the gloves into the trash and stopped cleaning for now.
Today, I needed to go to class and turn in my seminar report. The deadline was three days ago, but my professor was lenient since I’d cultivated a good relationship with them. I was confident that my work was higher quality than usual, so they’d surely be satisfied.
When I opened the front door a few centimeters, cold air rushed in.
“Brrr.” I shuddered and stepped outside.
Soft sunlight, uncharacteristic of the peak of winter, welcomed me.
***
My university was just the right size. There were plenty of places to go, so the population was spread out enough that it was never too busy except around lunchtime. Some campuses were so big that it was hard to find friends, but this one provided a good environment for mingling with peers.
But even this school recognized winter break. After I turned in my report, I strolled around campus for a while. There were almost no other students to be found, let alone anyone I knew. I’d have to get back to cleaning when I went home, so I was really taking my time today.
When I found a vending machine, I languidly pulled out my wallet. Might as well kick back with a café au lait and try to escape reality for a while.
As soon as I put my coin in, a coffee can fell down with a clunk.
“What…?” I dubiously picked it up.
When I did, I heard a familiar voice behind me.
“Heh heh heh. Thanks for that, Senpai!”
I turned around to see Shinohara Mayu, the former Santa. She was so attractive that she still made my eyes pop. Not many girls can rock a Santa outfit like her, I’m sure.
She took the can of coffee from me and happily tried to open it.
Bold of you to so gleefully drink something bought with someone else’s money. Well, maybe that’s why she’s so happy.
“What are you doing here? It’s winter break.”
Apparently not happy with my question, she groaned and puffed out her cheeks. “I’d think you’d be happy to see me again during our time off.”
“Okay, whatever. Cough it up.”
Maybe a little childishly, I pointed at the vending machine. Realizing what I wanted, she took a wallet out of her bag. It was a trendy branded bag for girls, and it made her shine just a little more.
“Don’t be testy. I was planning to pay you back anyway. What were you trying to buy?”
“Café au lait.”
“’Kaaaay.” She pressed the button and retrieved the drink without fuss. “It’s cold. You still want it?”
“That’s fine. I like it cold.”
“You’re gonna be chilly.” She sounded a little worried.
Even in the winter, I always bought cold drinks. I opened my coffee and took a sip. A perfect level of sweetness danced on my taste buds, relaxing me even more than smoking did.
“Hey, thanks again for yesterday,” Shinohara said suddenly.
“Hmm?”
“Don’t ‘hmm’ at me like you’re confused. I mean the stuff with Yuudou.”
“Oh, that? C’mon, you already thanked me.”
“I know that. That’s why I said thanks again.” She slowly opened her can of coffee and then chugged it all down at once. “Bleh, bitter!”
“Then why did you drink it…?”
The label literally said reduced sugar, but she’d picked and downed it anyway.
“I shouldn’t have just smashed a random button,” she whined before throwing her empty can away. The trash can was close to empty given the time of year, accepting the garbage without a sound. “So, Senpai. Since we’ve been fortuitously reunited so soon, I’m gonna use the opportunity to make things up to you.”
“Excuse me?” I lowered my drink and furrowed my brow. “I don’t need that. By the way, why make it up to me specifically?”
Ayaka was the one who’d planned the mixer, so make it up to her. Though there was no way Ayaka herself would demand such a thing.
Shinohara shook her head. “Actually, call it returning the favor. You did help me out a lot, after all.”
“Me? I didn’t do a thing.”
“Well, I feel grateful either way, so shush.”
“You’re shameless…”
If I had actually done anything that day, it didn’t go much further than sharing my opinion. I didn’t feel comfortable accepting gratitude for that.
“Normally, I’d say we’re even since you get to be blessed with my glorious presence, but you don’t seem like the kind of guy that would work on… Oh, I know.” Shinohara continued the conversation all on her own. I tried to stop her, but she ignored me. “I am Santa, after all. How about I grant one wish of yours? Anything you want.”
“I don’t really want—”
Before I could finish the sentence, the image of my dirty sink came to mind. That was something I’d been especially putting off.
“Housework,” I finally said. Shinohara looked at me blankly.
It didn’t take her long to burst out laughing.
***
When we got to the door, I confirmed, “Hey, are you actually coming into my place?” I’d done it on the spur of the moment, yes, but it was still true that I was inviting a woman over.
Here I thought we could just call it a funny joke and move on, but after laughing her butt off, she agreed to help—but not without first announcing, “After I’m done, I’m gonna root through your whooole house!”
The only things I’d be embarrassed if she saw were all in my phone, so I wasn’t too worried, but it was still a little unsettling to have someone I’d only known for a few days rifling through my things.
“You asked me to do this,” she reminded me. “Why are you reluctant now? I told you I’d come.”
“In that case, I take it back. Get me some food at that café over there, or something. I’m just now remembering that I’m great at housework.”
“Don’t start overthinking it. We’ve already come this far, and it’s cold out. Just let me in,” Shinohara urged me with a wicked grin. I could tell she was up to no good.
It was unfair how cute she looked even when she was being evil.
In the end, I gave up and opened the door. It had been a long time since I’d invited anyone over. As soon as we went in, she sounded disappointed. “Huh? Your place is pretty clean, though.”
“You call this clean? What were you imagining?”
I’d left my coat in a random spot, and a bag of snacks I’d ate this morning was on the floor. There were papers scattered here and there too. To put it mildly, it was by no means clean.
“I imagined a garbage dump. This is like nothing.”
“And you still agreed to come…?” She’d put me on the backfoot, coming in here expecting to find I lived in a pigsty. I didn’t pay a lot of attention to my clothes, sure, but I kept up a clean enough appearance.
Leaving my thoughts aside, Shinohara began to stretch in preparation. “Well, I was bored, anyway. I’ll get this cleaned up right away, boss!”
With that, she threw her coat on the bed and stood in front of the kitchen. She rolled up her sleeves, showing off her fair skin.
Noticing my gaze, she said, “Yes?”
“Oh, nothing.” I looked away and tossed my jacket onto the bed as well.
A girl I’d just met was standing in front of my kitchen. The me from a month ago couldn’t have even imagined this.
“Your clothes will wrinkle if you leave them lying around.”
“Hey, stop that. I’ll do it.” I picked up my clothes and hung them up myself.
When I was alone, this room was a place of peace, free of judgment. That wasn’t necessarily true when people were over, though.
She’d said it was cleaner than she’d expected, but my place was still normally cleaner than this. Suddenly embarrassed by my messy room, I started tidying up.
“Why do you live alone?” Shinohara asked me.
“Why? I mean, plenty of reasons.”
“Okay. Such as?” she urged, exasperated, as she put on rubber gloves. I’d fortunately left the cleaning stuff out in the kitchen, so she was able to quickly and efficiently get to work.
“What’s with the sudden interrogation?” The water coming out of the faucet was loud, so I had to raise my voice a little.
She replied with her usual swiftness, “Hmm… Well, isn’t it easier to live with family? You’d have someone to cook for you when you get home. You don’t seem like the kind of person who cooks, so I feel like that’d be handy.”
Easier to live with family.
I’d always thought so too. There was a certain freedom to being alone, sure. But the flip side was that you have to take care of yourself. That took a surprising amount of time. I had a ton of respect for mothers who cared for both themselves and their families.
“Okay, all done!” she suddenly announced.
“Huh? Already?” I peered into the sink. It was spotless. Even the little stains were gone. I couldn’t remember the last time it was shiny like that. “Wow, and in so little time too. I feel stupid for putting it off so long.”
“I’m used to this kind of stuff. I live alone too, you know.” Shinohara nodded smugly and tossed the gloves into the trash. “Okay, how about I make some lunch? You just sit and relax.”
“Huh? You’re really gonna cook too? If you want me to buy you something, too bad. I’m broke.”
“I told you I’m thanking you. Don’t be weird. Go watch TV or something.” Shinohara pushed me away, so I sat on my bed. “Really, you can just chill,” she added, making it clear that she didn’t want my help.
Did she foresee me trying to help cook and ruining the food in the process? I wasn’t that hopeless. But if she didn’t want my help, then I had little choice in the matter.
I picked up the remote and turned the TV on. A program about infidelity among celebrities happened to be airing. Complete garbage for me, since I wasn’t interested in the entertainment industry.
“At the end of the year? Really? Don’t waste my time.” Every time I saw one of these gossip shows, I rolled my eyes. Maybe someone who cared about celebrities would be more interested.
My phone vibrated, so my eyes were drawn to its screen instead. A message from Ayaka flashed on it.
Let’s have a playdate!
What are you, an elementary schooler? I narrowly avoided saying it out loud. I’d normally wait a while before responding, but I had nothing but free time right now.
I went to the chat screen and tapped away, You need to give me a time, place, and what we’re going to do. But yes, I can hang out.
The evening of the 29th! Mall! Shopping!
That’s literally tomorrow!
Her last-minute invitation implied that she expected me to have no plans. It made me even angrier that she was right. Our conversation continued for a while. It was all pointless small talk, but it was a better use of time than watching a stupid gossip program.
When the text conversation turned to the mixer, though, Shinohara called out, “Thanks for waiting!”
I turned around and saw her carrying over a big plate, so I put my phone in my pocket and got out of bed.
The plate carried a mountain of sandwiches.
“Ooh!” I got excited immediately. I hadn’t thought about it since she’d so readily offered to do it, but to a single guy like me, it was very rare to be treated to a woman’s cooking.
Shinohara just shrugged at my reaction. “You didn’t have much stuff, so I could only make these. Stock up a little more next time, please.”
“Uh, well, I mean… They look plenty tasty.”
It was a lineup of cliché sandwiches, with tuna, egg, ham, and cabbage leading the charge. I was amazed that she’d found things like that in my rusty old fridge.
“Well, jeez, if simple sandwiches make you that happy, I would’ve loved to see your reaction if I made something more involved.”
I wanted to pick up a sandwich, but manners always come first. “Thanks for making these.”
“No problem. Your excitement makes it worthwhile.” Shinohara smiled bashfully. I hadn’t seen that look from her before. It made me pause for a moment. “Hm? Is something wrong?”
“Ah… No. Just surprised to see that look on your face.” I thought of brushing it off, but in the end, I ended up telling her my honest feelings.
And while I expected her to call me creepy or something, she responded very differently. “Huh? What kind of face was I making?”
“You looked a little, uh…embarrassed, I guess. Ugh, it sounds awkward coming from me.”
“Really…?” She put a finger to her chin in apparent thought.
“You’re weird,” I muttered and took a big bite of a sandwich. The thin layer of mayo went very well with the ham and lettuce.
I’d been living off convenience store meals for a while now, but just the knowledge that someone was cooking for me made the food taste a million times better.
Shinohara gave up on thinking and decided to chow down as well. It did feel a little unusual to have someone over for a meal, but she had been oddly at home here ever since she took her coat off.
“By the way, did you say you’re in a circle at school?” she asked me.
“Hm? Well, I’m kind of in the basketball circle, I guess.” My hesitation came from the fact that, despite there being meetings twice a week, I really only went about once a month at most. “Why do you ask?”
“Mm… I’ve been in a club since I started at university. I was interested in how normal people like you live.”
“There must be plenty of folks around you already.” People would naturally flock to someone as pretty as her.
But Shinohara shook her head emphatically. “Most of the people who gather around me are partiers. As you can see, I’m a big ol’ cutie, so it makes sense.”
The only friend of hers I knew was Motosaka, but it made sense that she’d attract that kind of person.
I just realized that she casually called herself a cutie. I’m not even gonna comment on that.
She continued, “I’m not oblivious enough to think those people are normal. Honestly, I’ve been getting a little fed up with them.”
“Is that why you started dating Motosaka?”
“Yeah, I guess. Like I said before, I’ve always been interested in the romantic stuff that university students do. Don’t make me go over it again. Trust me, I feel bad enough already.” Shinohara pouted as she stuffed a sandwich into her mouth.
I was glad that she was enjoying the food, but she’d eaten more than she could swallow. She frantically reached for water to chase it down.
“Hey, whoa, you okay?” I patted her back, and she gradually calmed down.
She remained silent for a while until she finally spoke up, “Do you have a girlfriend?”
“What’s this all of a sudden? No. If I did, I wouldn’t let girls in my place.”
“Oh ho, what a good boy. That’s gotta be rare these days!” She smiled, teasing me.
You’re the one who got into a fight in public because your boyfriend cheated on you, bud.
“What’s on your mind?” Shinohara asked, apparently noticing my exasperation.
“The fact that you’re ticking me off.”
“Ack! You’d actually come out and say that?!” She frowned and reached for another sandwich. Just then, she seemed to realize something and jumped to her feet. “Oh, no! I forgot work!”
“Wait, you have work today?!”
If she ended up quitting this job right after the Santa gig, both because of me, then I’d have to make it up to her all over again. I doubted she’d lose her job over being late once, but it was always best to be punctual.
She seemed to agree, so when she noticed the time, she rushed to get ready. After pulling on her coat, she ran over to the front door and stuffed her feet into her boots. It was clear she was in a hurry.
“Sorry to trouble you before work,” I apologized.
“Just thank me instead. By the way, I’d be happy if you complimented the meal!” Shinohara turned to face me. “I’m waiting!” Despite being in a hurry, she obviously wanted my thanks. She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited.
Cold air flowed in from the open door, but she didn’t look cold at all.
She’s way too high energy for me.
“Thanks for the meal. I enjoyed it.”
“Heh heh heh. No problem!” Satisfied, she nodded and turned to leave. “Okay, I’ll be back!”
Then, she flung open the door and ran off. The sound of feet on stairs faded away over time.
I stood there at the door, ruminating over her words.
I’ll be back, huh?
I wasn’t a big fan of inviting strangers into my home, but when she’d said that, I didn’t mind one bit.
“If it is a badger game, at least it’ll be worth a laugh.”
Heck, you already got a homemade meal from a cute girl out of the deal. Sounds like you came out ahead either way! I could almost imagine Shinohara saying that to me with that trademark devilish gleam in her eye.
***
His home was a lot cleaner than I’d expected. He had asked me to clean up, so I thought I’d be walking into a trainwreck.
But when we arrived, there were just some clothes and papers scattered on the floor. He even started rushing around to pick them up and put them on his bed too, so I almost felt like there was no reason for me to even be there.
He’d vacuumed too, so the floor didn’t look especially dirty.
I thought it would be funny if a guy who acted so serious was actually a slob at home, but I didn’t even get that satisfaction. Part of me was disappointed, but I kept my head up and offered to make him lunch.
There were so few ingredients in the fridge that I couldn’t help but comment. Does he think he can feed himself like that? I gave up and just made sandwiches. I mean, I was doing the best with what I had.
Though the sandwiches were slapdash, Senpai devoured them greedily. He was usually so calm and collected (or at least, he had been for the short time that I knew him), so it was fun to see his walls break down for a moment. I couldn’t help but say…
“Okay, I’ll be back!”
Next time, I wanted to make him something a lot more complex than a few sandwiches. It made me a little mad that right now he considered sandwiches the extent of my cooking.
I smiled the whole way to work. The way we’d met was…probably the worst it could be. Having my flyers thrown everywhere during my Santa job? That’s like the worst of the worst.
But I liked the time we spent chatting. Maybe the way you meet someone doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
When I saw the walk signal flash, I started running.
Chapter 4: Wrapping Up a Year
Chapter 4:
Wrapping Up a Year
THE NEXT DAY, AYAKA AND I SWAGGERED AROUND the mall.
The decorations had already been changed over to New Year’s from Christmas. The red and white of the banners strung up above really reminded me that the year was ending.
This whole place was having a New Year’s blowout sale, so it was busier than ever.
“Today was a bad day to visit…” Ayaka complained.
“You’re the one who invited me,” I replied, annoyed.
She sighed. “Well, you’re the only person I can get to carry my stuff!”
“I’m sure you know plenty of people who’d do that for you. And by the way, don’t invite people out just to make them your pack mules.”
“Ughhh, I hate being considerate!” she grumbled again as she trotted over to a cosmetics store.
She had enough friends to know that there weren’t many people out there you could treat inconsiderately and still expect them to be friends with you. How would a normal guy feel if one of the most popular girls in school called him over just to lug around her bags?
I wouldn’t know, but speaking personally? I wanted to go home.
“The only reason I’m here is to scout out the expensive makeup that just came out. I’m gonna be a while, so I’d feel bad for whoever I asked out.”
“Why doesn’t that apply to me, I wonder…”
“Because we’re so close and trusting of each other! Yep, that must be it.”
“It is not!” I smacked her on the butt with a bag full of winter clothes she’d bought. It made a loud thump.
“Oww! Hey, where are you aiming?!”
“Shut up. You know you earned it.”
“I was obviously joking,” she whined as she rubbed the point of impact.
“Isn’t it easier to buy that kind of stuff on the internet these days, anyway? They’ve got reviews right on the product page too.”
If she’d shopped online, I’d have been spared from carrying so many heavy shopping bags.
Nowadays, most people tended to pay attention to reviews when buying things. I didn’t, sure, but I recognized that I was in the minority.
Surprisingly, Ayaka shook her head at that.
“There are review sites for makeup, sure, and I used to pay them a lot of mind. The thing is, I hear they give out a lot of free products in return for fake reviews,” she explained, combing her fingers through her hair. Her silky hair distracted me for a moment, but I managed to keep my head on straight. “I bought a conditioner with a really good review average, and it made my hair all stiff and hard. So I looked, and all the one-star reviews were like ‘what the hell,’ saying the other reviews were fake and not to be trusted.”
That was the big downside of relying on reviews. They’re convenient but blindly trusting them could be dangerous.
“That must’ve been rough.”
“Yep. It’s not just makeup, though. Whenever I want to make a choice I can’t risk regretting, I always check things out with my own eyes first.”
After that nonchalant remark, she squatted down and started inspecting the eyeliner selection.
That’s Ayaka for you. Her strong will really is one of her biggest charms. How many of her friends know about it, though?
“What a waste,” I muttered.
“Huh? You think so? I thought it was a fair price… Hmm, maybe it is a little expensive. What do you think?”
I guess her strong will doesn’t apply to shopping.
“It’s fine. Just buy it,” I replied dismissively and adjusted the paper bags on my shoulder. They were getting heavy.
“Want me to carry them?” Ayaka suddenly held out her hand.
I hesitated for a moment, but I held strong in the end. It wasn’t fun to be a shopping bag mule, but I’d be embarrassed to walk next to her while she carried her own bags. If I wanted to maintain my image, then the wise decision was to continue my duties.
“Thought so.” Ayaka smirked, as if she’d expected my response.
“Don’t give me that. You’d better thank me somehow,” I shot back.
Surprisingly, she replied, “How about I treat you to a meal?”
“Huh? Really?”
“Of course. I’m relying on your time and energy, after all.”
That changed everything. My disappointment turned to excitement, and shopping suddenly became fun. Ayaka chuckled, apparently having noticed.
Can you blame me? As a broke university student living alone, those words are heaven-sent. Of course I’m excited!
Maybe I’d hesitate if she were younger, but I had no reason to refuse a meal offer from someone my age.
“I’m going to check out that shop back there, so pick a place you’d like to eat at, okay?” After a quick stretch, Ayaka walked off, heels clacking, arms swinging back and forth.
I watched her leave and gleefully tapped on my phone screen.
Search… There it is!
There was a restaurant in front of the station I’d actually been interested in for some time now.
I made a reservation under the name Mino Ayaka.
***
Ayaka was incredulous.
“I said I’d treat you to anything. Why’d you pick such a cheap place?” We were sat at a normal restaurant smack full of white-collar workers and students. I loved places like this, but she seemed rather unsatisfied. “I was kinda planning to go to somewhere…nicer?”
“Loosen up a little. Their oden looks great, doesn’t it?” I said as I pushed the order button. There was a light ding-dong sound, but the commotion made it almost inaudible.
“Ugh. You barely eat well at all, so I was hoping to win you over by treating you to something fancy.”
“I don’t like your reasoning!”
“Am I wrong?” Ayaka rebutted as she resigned herself, took the menu from me, and started flipping through it.
Her frown turned upside-down in no time.
A waiter pushed through the throngs of customers searching for bathrooms and came to our table. When he did, she rattled off our order with incredible speed. I wanted to replay this scene for the Ayaka from thirty seconds ago.
Before long, the waiter came back with a pot of oden, and she let out a big shriek.
“Oh, man! There’s soooo much stuff in it!” she squealed.
“See what I mean? This is what I’ve been wanting! Two thousand yen for all this? That’s a steal!”
The pot, more than big enough for both of us to share, was placed onto the table with a thud. Ayaka had it served onto our plates in no time.
“Here’s your portion.”
“Thanks.” I started with my favorite, the daikon radish. The oden broth burst from it, filling my mouth.
Ayaka’s face relaxed into a big smile as she stuffed it with steaming mochi kinchaku—deep-fried tofu pouches with rice cakes inside.
How long ago had the two of us started eating together so casually?
We had eaten lunch together sometimes since at least high school, but it took some courage—the courage to be alone with her, the courage to be teased, and the courage to be envied. Just eating a meal took so much mental preparation that we did it far less often back then.
Why didn’t it seem like such a big deal anymore? Was it because we’d moved past high school? That might be part of it, but more important was that our surroundings had changed. In university, everyone became more tolerant of others—or maybe just less interested in them.
We were approaching adulthood. I couldn’t help but feel that as a part of this meal.
We were in our second year of university now. Job-seeking was always back-of-mind. We didn’t even have one more year of our peaceful college life left. That scared me a lot.
There’s a lot of freedom in being labeled a student. The thought that this period of freedom was ending soon made me really anxious.
“What’s with the funny look?” Ayaka’s voice snapped my eyes open. I realized that a chikuwa fishcake had been thrown onto my plate. She put down her chopsticks and tilted her head at me. “Do you not like the oden?” she asked, despite the fact that I’d been the one who suggested this place. That was enough to realize how unusual I must’ve looked.
“Nah, that’s not it. It’s just… We’re really growing up, aren’t we?”
“Pssh, what?” Ayaka laughed. “I mean, we’re already over twenty years old.”
“Yeah.”
When you’re twenty years old, you’re an adult. Obviously. But even knowing that, I didn’t consider myself one.
“There’s a difference between being an adult and adulting, though.”
Her face turned a little more serious. “Hmm, maybe. There are lots of people out there who grow up without growing up.”
“A long time ago, I thought that you matured automatically the instant you turned twenty. But I don’t feel any different.”
On my twentieth birthday, I was full of a lot more hope and expectation for the future than usual. I’d stopped believing the whole “instant maturity” thing by then, but I still approached that day with a very different mindset.
The few days after were very fulfilling. Drinks at izakayas tasted better than ever, and I’d started chatting friends up about economics and politics a lot more than before.
But that was pretty much it.
After that came university, and so continued my daily life.
Neither a child nor an adult—university students over the age of twenty were in a sort of limbo state, stuck in between.
“I wanna go back to middle and high school,” I mused. “Never thinking about anything, just doing club stuff and living out my youth.”
“Yeah… I’d do that if I could too.” There was a look of melancholy etched into her face.
Heedless of our own desires, time continues its unfeeling march. How long would it take until I could proudly call myself an adult?
“Hey, something wrong?” Ayaka looked up into my eyes, worried by the turn the conversation had taken.
There wasn’t anything in particular going on, so I felt a little guilty.
“Sorry, no. It’s nothing. I mean it, okay?”
“Really? You’re just acting kinda sentimental out of nowhere.”
Maybe it was the year-end vibes that made me feel this way. But another possible reason came to mind: Shinohara.
We were only a year apart, but it felt like we had a massive age gap. I don’t mean that she was childish for her age or that I was mature for mine, or anything, though…
Our energy as human beings just seemed so starkly different. When I looked at Shinohara, I wondered if I’d become jaded with age somehow. These vague, directionless feelings must have built up subconsciously and thrust me into a sudden depression.
But I couldn’t say that. Saying it wouldn’t fix anything—it would just make Ayaka worry. She was treating me to a meal, and it would suck for both of us if I didn’t enjoy it. My decision made, I clicked my chopsticks.
“Okay, time to dig in!”
“There’s nothing left,” she sighed in irritation as she handed her plate to me. It bore the final daikon radish. “Take half.”
“You mean it? Thanks!” I cut the radish in half and put my portion in my mouth. It had cooled a little, but it was still delicious.
Ayaka watched me chew for a while, leaning her head on one hand, and finally said, “Even when we’re adults, let’s be cool, okay?”
As in, let’s stay friends? Is that how I should interpret that? I nodded back immediately, and she smiled. I really like her smile.
Not that I’d ever say it out loud.
***
The morning after our shopping trip, I thought I heard the doorbell. I opened the curtains. The sun was blazing brightly to the east.
I typically led a self-indulgent life when I didn’t have plans during longer holidays, so getting up in the morning was always a Herculean task. It felt as if the doorbell had woken me up, but getting out of bed just to check would be such a pain in the butt.
So instead, I ignored it and rolled over in bed.
Ding-dong. Ding-dong.
“Shut up!” I jumped out of bed angrily.
I wouldn’t be brave enough to complain to their face if it was a door-to-door salesman or something, but I could at least glare sternly at them through the door camera. But when I looked at the screen, someone familiar stared back.
It was Shinohara, so I pressed the call button and said one thing. “Go home.” Then, I hung up without waiting for her answer.
She’d said that she would come again, but she’d put that into action far too fast. I thought she’d at least wait a few days. I checked the time—it was just past 10:00 a.m. Not a bad time for a normal, functioning human being, maybe, but for me? Bad manners.
My charged phone vibrated. Shinohara, of course.
“Ugh, fine…” I trudged over to the door and unlocked it. When I swung the door open, I saw her standing there with a big backpack.
“Do you have anything to say to me?” she demanded.
I took a guess. “Why are you here?”
“Wrong answer! You’re supposed to apologize for making me wait!”
“Oh…” I only half-understood.
My evasive reply elicited a sigh from her. “Oh, fine. Here. You can have this.” She held out a paper bag.
I hesitantly accepted it. Inside was a popular, expensive pastry. “You may enter,” I relented.
“Chaaarge!”
I didn’t feel like stopping her innocently entering my room. Once she was inside my studio apartment, I went into another room and took off my pajamas. Now in my underwear, I picked up the clothes I’d been drying.
“Senpaaai? Where’d you go?” The door opened, and Shinohara busted in. We locked eyes. Silence fell. “S-sorry…”
Anyone would be surprised if they saw their host in underwear out of nowhere. I was just glad that I still had my undies on.
“Yeah, it’s cool,” I replied quickly and picked up my clothes.
Shocked, Shinohara yelled, “Wait, that’s it?! Come on, aren’t you flustered or anything?! A younger girl saw you in your underwear! Say something!”
“Hmm.” I could understand how she felt, but it was no skin off my nose. I might react differently if our roles were reversed, so I was glad that this was how it went down. Still being too sleepy to think helped too. “Man, I’m hungry.”
“O-oh…okay. I can make breakfast, if you don’t mind something simple.”
Grateful for her suggestion, I replied, “Really?! Thank you! I restocked the fridge yesterday, so it should be pretty full!”
“Okay, okay, I get it.” Shinohara slowly, agonizingly shifted her eyes away from me. “Just put on some pants, please!”
Yeah… This is what happens when I’m too sleepy to think.
Her mad blushing gave me the (perhaps mistaken) impression that she was a bit innocent.
***
As we enjoyed a rather late breakfast at the dining table, Shinohara brought up what had happened. “Do you not normally dress from the bottom up? I think that’s how you’re supposed to do it.”
“I don’t really remember. I was sleepy.”
“It hasn’t even been an hour! I know you’re not that forgetful,” she shot back incredulously. Her coat was on a hanger, so she was just wearing a sweater now.
“Maybe that’s how I am.” I brushed her off and sipped the remainder of my consommé soup. A perfect warmth permeated my body. What a comforting flavor. “So good…”
From the bottom of my heart, I truly believed it was delicious. Maybe it tasted so much better than restaurant soup because I knew it was a girl making it for me, but Shinohara’s pure cooking skill was no small part of it.
“What do you usually eat?”
“Convenience store meals. Beef bowls.”
“Eugh, I figured. That’s really unhealthy.”
“Sure, but what am I supposed to do?” I had plenty of time available to cook for myself, but having time and having energy were two very different things. Was this the source of the difference that I’d felt between the two of us yesterday? The thought of it made me mutter, “Maybe I should try cooking.”
University was the best time to throw caution to the wind and try new things, after all.
Shinohara stacked up the used dishes and said, “Oh, good idea. I could teach you!”
“Ooh. How about today, then? Early bird, and so on.” I gulped down the rest of my soup. “Thanks for the food! It was good.”
“It’s nothing. You made it worthwhile, since you clearly enjoyed it so much.”
“I mean, it was delicious.”
With that, I stood up and went to the kitchen. The sink remained as lustrous as it had after she’d cleaned it. For once, I wasn’t bothered by doing the dishes today.
“Do you want me to wash them?” she offered.
“Why? I’m the only one who ate. Pop a cushion down and sit. I’ve got plenty of manga for you to read.”
“I can only read a few pages while you do dishes, though.” That’s what she said, but she still went over to my shelf. I heard some idle commentary from her, such as, “Ooh! I’ve been wanting to read this one!”
After washing the small pile of dishes, I lobbed a question her way. “By the way, why did you even stop by? You’re so at home here that I almost forgot to ask.”
She clapped the book shut and laughed. “Wow, took you long enough!” I realized she’d have continued reading manga indefinitely if I hadn’t asked that question, which elicited a wry grin from me. “I was just checking in on my way home. It’s my last chance to see you this year, after all.”
“Oh, really?”
Most students living alone visit their parents around now. I didn’t know where Shinohara’s family lived, but it seemed like she’d be leaving soon.
“I’ll just visit on New Year’s,” I replied. “Home is close, so I see my family often.”
“Oh, okay. I’m kind of surprised.”
“By what?”
Shinohara didn’t respond. Instead, she took pots and bowls out of the cupboard and fished around my fridge. I wasn’t that interested in the answer either, though, so I just watched on without a care.
“Huh? Wow, you have hollandaise sauce,” she mused. “I thought you didn’t cook. Why do you have this?”
She’d named the sauce, but I certainly didn’t ascribe any meaning to that word. When she handed over the container, I remembered that I’d bought it one day on a whim.
“Ah, right. I bought it a while back because I wanted to try cooking for real. Haven’t opened it yet.”
“This is the industrial kind. Where did you buy it?”
“Online.”
“Figured. It’s a waste in your hands, so I’ll use it today. Can you crack four eggs for me, please?”
“Okay.” I took four eggs out of the fridge.
I tried to crack one with one hand and failed miserably.
“Why are you doing it like that?” Shinohara asked incredulously. “Do it normal.”
“I only messed up once. Check this out. You’re about to witness a winning streak.”
“Okay, I’ll take those.” She snatched the egg out of my hand and cracked them quickly. Two-handed, of course.
Over the next few minutes, she put butter into the microwave, put the hollandaise into a large pot, and did a bunch of other tasks, revealing cooking skills far beyond my own understanding.
Obeying her orders made me feel like a sous-chef. “You’re like a pro.”
As Shinohara deftly prepared the meal, she looked more mature than usual. There was something attractive about people who excelled in areas I sucked at.
“I like cooking, y’know? Oh, get that bacon there for—” In the middle of a request, she abruptly stopped.
“What’s wrong?”
“Well… You don’t know what I’m cooking, do you?”
“It’s tamagoyaki, isn’t it?”
“Someone who’d put this much time into making tamagoyaki would never be able to teach you cooking… I mean, this is clearly too much effort for a dish like that.” Shinohara grumbled to herself for a second. “I was having so much fun that I totally forgot to teach you. I’ll do it another time, so just go relax again, okay?”
“Huh? Why?”
“I wanna surprise you with the finished dish once it’s plated.” After that, she started humming to herself.
She really does love to cook.
I obediently went and laid in my bed, looking forward to the finished result. My excitement was stronger than my guilt for letting her cook alone. Besides, my involvement would only spoil the meal, and I wouldn’t want her efforts to go to waste.
I flipped through my manga for a while until Shinohara arrived with a big plate in her hands and a proud look on her face. “Ta-daaa!”
Ham with a runny yolk crown sat atop an English muffin. My mouth fell open. I felt as if I was looking at a food porn social media account.
“Holy cow. I can’t believe you can make food look that good in my kitchen.”
“It’s eggs Benedict,” she declared proudly. “One of my favorite recipes—stylish and tasty.” I was amazed. Even the name sounded stylish. “Want one? I know you just had breakfast, but…”
I’d stopped myself from overeating during breakfast, so I still had an appetite. When I picked one up and bit into it, the delicious runny yolk coated my tongue.
“That’s good! What the heck? It’s great!”
“Mmm, it really is! I’m glad it turned out so good!” Even Shinohara couldn’t help but compliment her work.
Only someone who cooked a lot could take one look at a mystery condiment in my fridge and instantly be inspired to make a whole dish.
Before long, she announced, “I need to catch the Shinkansen soon, so I should get going.”
“Oh, wow. You really were just checking in.” I’d thought she was making an excuse, so I was a little surprised.
Shinohara nodded back as if that was obvious. “Yep, that’s what I said. It may not have been long, but thank you for your time anyway.”
“It’s not like you live close. You didn’t need to waste your time on me.”
She’d thanked me and all, but I felt bad that she’d taken time out of the busiest part of the year just for me.
She heaved a big sigh and shook her head. “Hey, Senpai? Do you really think I’m sweet enough to go to someone’s house just for that?”
“Hmm…?” To be blunt, I didn’t think so. I could tell from the scene with Motosaka just how she treated people that she didn’t care about anymore.
“I left my club and broke up with Yuudou-senpai, so I actually have a bunch of time on my hands. And we’re friends now. Thus, I had no choice but to invite myself over.”
“So you’re just killing time? You’re something else.”
“Heh heh. You make it sound like I’m a bad person.”
That was basically what I had said, yeah, but why did it put such a pretty smile on her face? It was refreshing to see her blatant free-spiritedness.
Though, really, any man would be happy to have a girl as cute as her kill time with him.
“Eating alone makes me feel lonely, so let’s eat together once in a while. I’ll even do your chores.” She leaned forward and looked up at me needily.
“Just for today is fine, sure.”
“I’ll come five times a week!”
“Am I talking to a brick wall?!”
She put a hand over her mouth, and her shoulders shook. At least one of us is laughing.
“Okay, then twice a week,” she said as a compromise. “I’ll give you a heads up before I come. Agreeable terms, surely?”
Don’t “surely” me. It’s like you’re certain I’ll accept. But compared to her initial demand, two times a week was definitely doable. I wasn’t especially busy, and if she was going to do chores for me, then I saw no reason to refuse despite the resulting decrease in private time. Besides, time with her was kind of…fulfilling.
After easily coming to that conclusion, I evasively replied, “I mean, I guess.”
“Heh heh heh. A successful door-in-the-face!”
“A what?” I frowned in confusion.
“It’s a negotiating tactic where you hit someone with an outrageous demand first so that your real demands seem more reasonable. I see it on TV a lot.”
“Huh. I had a feeling I’d heard of that. Just not a fan of having it used against me in everyday life.”
Well, the jury’s still out on whether our conversations can be considered everyday.
“Cool, right?! I’m glad I listened to that lecture.” Shinohara stood up, seemingly satisfied by my reaction. I followed her to see her off, but she held her hand out to stop me. “Oh, you don’t have to see me off. Since I invited myself over, and all.”
“Really? Okay, then. Bye. See you next year.”
“Yep! Happy New Year!” After a silly salute, Shinohara smiled bashfully.
“Yeah. Hey, thanks for everything this year.”
She bowed, then headed over to the door.
The door opened, a cold wind blew, and silence returned to my abode. Our homes were at different stations. She’d said she would go home on the Shinkansen, so that meant that she had gotten off at my local station just to see me.
This was hardly a blessed year for me, especially after being cheated on. But damn if it didn’t feel like it had ended on a good note.
***
I lay in bed, unable to move.
Today was the day of a mixer my friend had invited me to. I’d agreed without much thought to help the numbers work out, but now that the day was here, I so badly didn’t want to go.
My body didn’t want to move. I considered canceling last-minute. But I had to consider the position I’d be putting my friend in. Not having an equal number of people on both sides would be rough. I didn’t care about what some random guy would think, but I didn’t want to trouble a friend.
“Hmm… Should I go?” I reluctantly moved my body, feeling so heavy that I could barely drag it up, and went to the mirror.
A few days had passed since New Year’s. It was the same as any other morning, but the words “new year” lingered in everyone’s minds, putting them in a better mood than usual. Television channels still put their best lineups on, for instance.
I glanced at my phone, which was in the middle of popping up several new messages. They were silent since I had it on Do Not Disturb mode, but this happened sometimes.
Happy New Year! You guys know that new movie coming out? I can’t wait for it! How about you, Mayu?
Knowing the sender, this message wasn’t worth responding to right now. I typically left these bothersome messages for when I was in a decent mood, so I could deal with them all at once. It was better for my mental health.
After washing my face, I felt a little less lethargic. I took some primer out of my makeup drawer. As I dabbed coin-sized bits of it onto my face, my unwillingness to go outside lessened. If I could just make it through today, I’d have no plans on the horizon for a while. I’d finally be able to relax. With that optimistic take on the situation in mind, I dabbed foundation onto the primer.
How long ago had I started considering makeup a fundamental part of my appearance?
In high school, at least, it didn’t make much difference to me whether I wore it or not. How easy it would’ve been if I just kept believing that people who wore it were a little extra-mature and people who didn’t were just normal.
When I got to university, I realized that everyone was wearing it, so I followed the crowd and started putting it on every day. How I felt about it changed day to day. Today, it felt like more of a chore.
“Ughhh, what a pain,” I groaned aloud.
I didn’t back down from the task, though. I considered myself cute even when I didn’t use makeup, but there was no doubt that the additional effort helped. My pride as a woman wouldn’t let me go out in front of men without giving it my all.
As a final touch, I applied light-pink lipstick, then I started getting dressed. I wasn’t particularly excited, but I still put some effort into selecting an outfit. It felt less like I was picking clothes for a date and more like I was choosing armor for battle.
I was late, so I rushed out of my home and power-walked to the station. Along the way, I realized I was wearing sneakers. Part of me regretted not wearing heels since I’d gone to the effort of dressing up, but I quickly shooed that thought away.
If that didn’t occur to me before I left, then it just meant this mixer didn’t mean much to me. If I was on a date with someone I liked, then I would’ve spent a lot of time trying to pick the heels with the perfect height.
“Someone I like, huh…”
I hadn’t felt a clear interest in someone like that since all the way back in elementary school. It was so long ago that I only remembered that it had happened, rather than what it actually felt like. But recently, I’d found someone who I saw differently than other men.
“I wonder if he’s free today.”
If the mixer is boring, I’ll just leave midway through.
I opened an app and sent him a quick message.
Happy New Year! I wanna come over today. Can you leave a key in the mailbox for me?
It was a really audacious message. If a stranger saw it, they’d probably cringe.
I instantly received a reply: HNY. Sure.
It was blunt. No emojis or anything. Why, then, did I feel a real warmth along with it?
After a few seconds of thought, I sent him a cute LINE sticker I’d bought recently. My previously heavy footsteps lightened up a little.
Chapter 5: Chance Encounters
Chapter 5:
Chance Encounters
APPARENTLY, TODAY WAS THE COLDEST IT HAD been in years.
Now that it was close to the end of January, and the Christmas and New Year moods had drifted away, the city was back to normal. It hadn’t been an unusual month for me, either. I’d bought a ticket for the New Year lottery with my friends for fun, and I’d attended a few New Year’s parties, same as ever.
If there was one thing that made this January different…
“Wow… It’s like this place resets to its original messy state whenever I arrive.”
It would be the presence of ex-Santa Shinohara Mayu, who had been visiting my home three times a week.
“Shut up. Men aren’t made to clean.”
“What kind of crappy logic is that? You’re gonna turn into a dust bunny yourself at this rate.” Shinohara sighed in exasperation and started folding the clothes I had scattered about my apartment.
“Hey, stop that. I’ll fold them myself later.”
“I trusted you the first few times you said that, but one week later, you still haven’t tidied up.”
“I’ll do it tomorrow!”
“Oh, suuuure,” she replied, her tone full of distrust as she continued to fold.
How had it come to this? When she visited at the end of the year, we’d decided on her coming twice a week. I was happy that I’d made a new friend, yes, but this was not what I’d expected at all. She practically lived here now. It did bother me a little, but there was one thing I’d become truly grateful for since then.
“I’m gonna use the kitchen again, okay?”
“Sure. Thanks.”
You guessed it: her cooking.
Living alone as a male student was pretty tragic. You tended to just eat whatever. Waking up in the afternoon, eating bread, then going out to eat before coming home at night. Buying convenience store meals on days when you don’t go out to eat with friends. My tongue had been starved of homemade meals as a result, so Shinohara’s cooking had essentially saved my life.
“Thanks a ton, I mean it. I’ll have to thank you for all of this sometime.”
“I live alone, too, so it really benefits both of us. I’m just sharing with you when we’re both free, so it’s really no big deal.”
“You mean it? You’re really too kind. My wallet thanks you too.”
I felt oddly relieved. I’d been working less this month, so my financial situation was even more dire than usual. With career-hunting time coming up soon, I didn’t have much time or money to spare.
“You can thank me with a Louis Vuitton wallet.”
“Don’t start demanding ridiculously expensive gifts from me!”
“Blame yourself for saying you’d make my selfless, unpaid help up to me. What girl wouldn’t jump at the chance to get such a nice wallet?”
“Why are we just assuming a designer wallet is the only way to thank someone?” I lay down, dejected. Even if we split food expenses, it was true that she was kindly doing the work of cooking for me.
Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to buy her something nice like that in the future. Like on her birthday, for example.
“When’s your birthday?” I asked nonchalantly.
“Tomorrow.”
“What?!” I leapt out of bed and made eye contact with Shinohara, who had an apron tied around her waist.
She cocked her head and blinked back at me. “Yes?”
“Uh… Nothing, I guess. Just surprised. How old are you going to be?” I asked my simple question and laid back down.
“You know, you won’t be able to get away with casually asking women their age for much longer.”
“I know. Can’t really do that in the working world.”
“Right. It’s scarier because there’s not really any upper limit.” Shinohara shuddered. After clearing her throat, she said, “To answer your question, though, I’ll be turning nineteen. Just one more year until I can legally drink!”
“Ah.” Her use of the word legally caught my attention, but I didn’t bother commenting. Like she’d said before, that’s just how university is.
“Mmm, I don’t like your attitude. It’s almost legal! Come on, I know you’ve been doing it since you turned eightee—”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re right, but don’t go around saying it. You never know when someone might be listening, especially in this day and age.” I shut her up before she could say something damning.
She seemed unhappy that I’d interrupted her, but she also didn’t finish her sentence. She just turned away and said, “Who cares? This is your place. You and I are the only ones here.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
“It is,” she replied flatly before taking her phone out of her pocket. Her phone vibrated, indicating that someone was contacting her.
“Wanna go out for dinner tomorrow or something?” I casually offered. It could be fun to take her somewhere. I owed her my thanks, after all. I didn’t have any plans, and I wasn’t good at picking out gifts.
She looked up at me excitedly, but after a moment, she shook her head. “Sorry. Tomorrow won’t work.”
“Oh, really?”
“Don’t look so surprised. Of course I made plans for my birthday. I’ll be celebrating with my friends!” She happily flashed me a peace sign. I’d gotten glimpses of her social circle, and indeed, she seemed to have a bunch of friends. “Wait. Huh?”
“Hm? What’s up?”
“Don’t tell me… Were you thinking of buying a wallet for my birthday?” She was right on the money, so I gave up and confirmed her suspicions. This prompted her to wave her hands frantically. “Wait, that was just a joke, really! I could never seriously ask you to buy me a brand-name wallet when you live alone!”
“I mean, sure, not a brand-name item. But I should at least give you something nice for your birthday.”
I wouldn’t have an excuse to give anyone else a gift for a while. The day I’d tried to give my ex-girlfriend a gift was stuck in my mind, and to be honest, part of my reason for wanting to do something nice for her was to get that memory out of my head.
“R-really? We just met a month ago, and you want to be my sugar daddy?”
“No, idiot, I’m trying to thank you. I want to give you a gift, so just take it. If you don’t like it, you can always throw it away. Not when I’m around, though. That’d hurt a little.” I shrugged.
“Huh? You really mean it?” she gasped, apparently surprised once again. Did she think I was joking? Shinohara thought about it for a moment, but she didn’t seem to mind. “I-if you say so…”
Her response brought a smile to my face. Presents make the giver feel good too, after all.
“Is there anything in particular you want?” I asked.
She put a hand to her chin in thought. “Hmm… I’ll leave that to you. I know I’m not making it easy, but that’s kind of the point. Surprise me.”
“Ack. So it comes to this… All right, leave it to me.”
“I look forward to it!” she winked.
“Yeah,” I replied casually.
Frankly, I didn’t know what kind of design she’d like. I just knew that if I chose on my own, it’d be sure to clash with her tastes. It’s impossible to know someone’s preferences perfectly when you’ve only known each other for a month, even if they’re your significant other.
Choosing yourself might be better if you’re giving a gift to your partner, but this was just a present for a friend. I needed someone to count on for advice.
One person immediately came to mind.
***
“Please!” I put my hands together and begged.
Ayaka furrowed her brow in response. Apparently, she hadn’t taken kindly to me calling her to the front gate of the university.
“You want me to pick a thank-you gift for Shinohara-san?”
“Yes, please.”
“Don’t wanna.”
“Noooo!”
“What do you mean ‘noooo’?” She heaved an exasperated sigh and continued, “I can’t believe I took the time out to come and meet you. I thought you’d buy me a meal, or something.”
“What kind of guy would drag you out of an all-girl group just to buy you food? Whoever he is, I wish I had his courage.”
I’d called Ayaka during lunch. Trust me, it’s hard to cut in on her entourage while they’re eating.
“Yeah, I bet. They did think you were trying to hit on me again.”
“Huh? Are you serious?!”
“No, that was a joke. The girls all know we’re just high school buddies.”
“Don’t scare me like that. Jeez, what a cruel joke.”
I was friends with Ayaka, and she really did stand out on our side of the university, but as for other girls, I didn’t hang out with them much. Strange women approached us pretty often when I was with Ayaka because they were acquainted with her, but she’d always find a way to get us alone again. The reason was simple: It was easier that way.
She was more openly “herself” with the core group she was having lunch with, but she always kept up a façade around people she hadn’t known as long. It seemed to me like she enjoyed doing that, but I was sure she needed a safe space to relax and be herself too.
“First off, she said that she wanted you to choose. There’s no point if you aren’t the one putting thought into it. It’s about feelings, y’know?”
“Sure, but despite that, Shinohara’s a logical woman. When she says she wants me—a guy she isn’t dating—to choose, I think that’s her way of pressuring me. That’s why I think something practical would be best.”
“Ugh. Listen, it makes no difference to me.” Ayaka didn’t seem too keen on this, but the fact that she didn’t use work as an excuse to turn me down outright meant that I had a chance, however small. That meant I’d just need something to make that final push over the goal line.
“Ayaka.”
“What?”
“It’s almost test time. Wanna know what the answers from last time were?”
“Sorry, but I doubt you have more answers than I do.” She was right. Even five of me wouldn’t be able to compete with her wide circle of friends. Far from it, she was the one always letting me mooch old answers off of her. “That reminds me. Didn’t you sell the answers I gave you to one of your friends?”
“Bwuh?!”
“That’s another meal you owe me,” she huffed. I couldn’t defend myself there. I could only vow to make up for it at a later date.
But that was a different matter.
I decided to turn to my last resort.
“…You know that limited-time buffet at the hotel in front of the station? How about that?”
“What did you just say?”
Starting this weekend, that hotel was hosting a week-long buffet on the top floor. This wasn’t just any buffet—it was extra expensive, since they were using high-end ingredients and offering rare delicacies. Ayaka’s weakness to novel specialty restaurants had worked in my favor.
“All right. If that’s your offer, then I have no choice!” she enthusiastically agreed. I breathed a sigh of relief.
This would be an unexpected expense, but I was fine as long as it went to Ayaka. She and Shinohara both helped me out a lot in my day-to-day life. If I could thank them both in one day, then I was happy to pay the price.
***
A few days later, we went to the biggest mall in the city as planned. The big entry hall had changed from the colorful decorations of Christmas and red-and-white of New Year to banners advertising big sales.
We went to a bunch of shops to find a wallet for Shinohara, but we just couldn’t find one that Ayaka approved. This fruitless search dragged on for two hours.
I was so tired that I couldn’t help but complain, “Every wallet looks the same to me now.”
“She told you to choose,” Ayaka reminded me. “Now that I’ve taken on this job, I won’t compromise.”
“Don’t worry… I’ll cover the full price of the buffet.”
“That’s beside the point. It’ll hurt my reputation if I can’t help you find a wallet that makes her happy.”
“You’re so magnanimous,” I said as we left the fourth shop. It carried brands that most university women would probably love, but nothing had impressed Ayaka.
All four of the shops we’d visited offered brand goods for students. When you become a college student and start spending more money, the people around you start caring about designers more. I wasn’t particularly attached to brands, personally. I just wore simple clothes. But people who did like certain designers would coordinate entire outfits based on them.
Even clothes with lame patterns came with a certain prestige if they had the right brand name attached, so from my perspective, if you were giving a gift to a girl, you couldn’t really go wrong with a brand-name item.
The fact that Ayaka had shrugged at four places filled with such goods proved that she was seriously picky.
“Aha. Let’s try there next.” She pointed at a mall directory, particularly at a designer shop on the eighth floor that was famous for being expensive.
“My money…” I pleaded.
Ayaka grabbed my bag and stopped me. “It’s okay. I have a membership there, and they’re doing a secret sale for members. It’s a ‘buy two for a discount’ deal, so I’ll buy something with you.”
“Huh? Surely that’s not a good deal for you—”
“It’s okay, it’s okay! Great opportunity to trick myself into thinking I’m helping a friend. There’s a bag I’ve been wanting for a while.”
“Are you sure…?”
“Now, let’s go!” she roared as she seized my arm.
We went up the escalator and stopped in front of the store. It had a high-class aura that the others so far had lacked.
“I can’t deal with places like this.”
“Okay. Either way, we’re going in.”
“Aww…” I followed her sadly after basically being ignored. I glanced at a bag in the shop, and its price tag was an eye-popping 90,000 yen. “I’m out. Bye.”
“Hey, hold it! There are more affordable ones!”
Ayaka ran off on her own. I wouldn’t see her until ten minutes later. The bag she was planning to buy was already hanging off of her arm.
“I found a nice wallet. Get over here!” She grabbed me by the collar and guided me over to where the wallet was. As for the price, it was…doable.
“21,000 yen, huh? Sounds reasonable enough.” I wasn’t nearly well-off enough to start calling a price like that reasonable, but I guessed my sense of value was starting to dull from seeing so many expensive items in succession.
“Today’s the best day for discounts on wallets, so I think we can nab it for 15,000 yen or so. Good for you!”
“Wow, that big a discount? It’s tempting.” This justification only worked if I were buying it for myself, though. Buying it as a gift for someone else was going to take some resolve.
Now that I thought calmly about it, buying a gift over 10,000 yen for a girl I wasn’t even involved with was insane. Shinohara might have liked it, but any other girl would cringe so hard they died.
“I’ll go get an employee to open the display for us.”
“Don’t be hasty. Gimme a second to think.”
“You said you’d leave it to me, didn’t you? The price is within your budget, and frankly, I think this is your only option.”
“Still…” As I hesitated, a pair of college girls came into view. For some reason, my eyes were drawn to them.
They were dressed to draw attention, yes, but I was used to that. So why was I so focused on them? I followed them closely with my eyes.
The one that really caught my eye was the one whose hair was dyed a light brown, playing with her phone in front of a display. I couldn’t see her face, but her figure, mannerisms, and atmosphere were familiar. The girl noticed my eyes and suddenly looked up at me.
It was Aisaka Reina, my ex.
***
“Reina.” My voice came out dry.
Her eyes were wide open—she was just as surprised as me. “Yuuta-kun…” That voice was nostalgic. Her voice, facial expressions, and gestures all dredged up memories of that time.
I’d seen her in that long black coat, red scarf, and pair of tall heels before. Her hair was a little lighter than when we’d dated, but that was definitely the woman I’d once bonded with.
A few seconds passed in silence until the girl next to Reina spoke up. “Who’s this guy? A friend?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Kinda like that,” she replied evasively, looked at me again, and forced a grin. “It’s been a while, huh? How are you doing?”
I sighed inwardly. She was probably just asking to be polite because we were in public. The girl next to her didn’t know me. We had dated for almost a year, so I knew a few of her friends, but this was my first time meeting this one. She went to an all-girls’ school with lots of rich kids, so we didn’t have many mutual acquaintances.
Seeing how curious her friend was, it was clear that she didn’t know anything about our sordid history.
“Well… Not bad, you know,” I answered safely. It had been two months since we’d last met, but that didn’t mean I needed to spill everything to this friend of hers.
Honestly, there was nothing left to say. We’d broken up the day after she cheated on me. Even then, Reina didn’t make excuses. She’d just silently accepted it when I said we needed to break up.
Just two months. A short time when you said it out loud, but back when the wound was fresh, every day passed so slowly and agonizingly that I wanted to throw up. To me, it sure felt like a long time.
When she was my girlfriend, I’d cherished her so much. I had feelings for her that went beyond the word “love.” But once we broke up, we were immediately back to being strangers.
“Are you buying that?” Reina wrung more words out from herself in a desperate attempt at conversation and indicated to the wallet in my hand—the one for Shinohara.
“I guess. It’s a little expensive.”
“O-oh, okay. I hope she likes it.”
“Mm,” I barely replied and then looked back at the display, signaling that I was done talking. I could sense my feelings for her being sorted out.
After we’d broken up, just seeing a picture of her would make my heart practically seize up. Seeing her now had thrown me, yes, but I wasn’t as fragile as I was before. Time would solve this.
“Umm… Am I going to see you again?” she asked.
“What?”
It wasn’t me who responded, but Ayaka, who’d remained silent until now.
Reina looked at her in surprise.
“Are you insane?” Ayaka seethed.
The two of them hadn’t met in person before. I’d tried to arrange a meeting between them while we dated, but the schedules never lined up. Ayaka had seen her face plenty of times, though, so she knew what was going on.
Reina seemed to understand, so she looked away and quickly left the shop.
As she passed me by, she said, “See you.”
After my ex left, I turned to Ayaka. “Hey…”
She glanced in the direction Reina had gone and said, “Sorry. I tried to be calm since you were acting so normal about it, but she just pissed me off.”
“I appreciate the thought. That’s my ex.”
“I know. You’ve shown me so many pictures of her. She’s cute, but not much else.”
“Heh, yeah. I guess.” She probably had a lot of other good aspects, but so did everyone else, right? It’d be rude to say something like that to Ayaka right now. She’d gotten mad for my sake, after all. I let a word of gratitude slip. “Thanks.”
She grinned wryly. “Don’t bother thanking me over that. I didn’t know your ex, and I guess I was kinda mean to her.” Then, she heaved a big sigh to let go of all her rage. “Anyway, we’ve decided on the wallet? I’ll put it all on my card, so just pay me back with cash later.”
Meeting Reina again had dispelled any thoughts of my current mission from my mind, but Ayaka’s words brought me back to earth. She darted for the register, holding the wallet that I’d held in my hand mere moments ago. The bag she planned to buy hung from her other arm. She looked happy as can be, her anger from before all but gone.
“It’s always so exciting to make big purchases.”
“I can’t say I don’t understand, but… Fine, let’s buy the wallet. I’ll pay for it myself.” I figured I could blow off the steam from meeting Reina by spending irresponsibly. If I could give a gift to a friend I owed in the process, then I’d consider that killing two birds with one stone.
“Nope. I’m buying.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Putting it on my card earns me points. You’ll spare five hundred points for me, won’t you?”
“Greedy!”
We wouldn’t banter like this with others around, but we always did when it was just us. I couldn’t complain about her making my life easier, though.
“Okay, you just go wait outside for me.”
“Yeah, yeah…” I reluctantly gave up, and she gleefully skipped to the register.
After confirming that she was paying, I looked in the direction that Reina had went one last time.
My ex-girlfriend had already disappeared into the crowd.
***
About five minutes later, Ayaka left the store, said, “Here you go. This one’s yours,” and handed me the bag with the wallet inside.
I noticed something else inside the bag, so I pulled it out to check.
“This is…” It was a key case. From the gentle black luster, I could tell that it wasn’t cheap.
“All yours,” she smiled.
“Huh? Are you sure? And why, all of a sudden?”
“Birthday present. I know, it was in July, so I missed it by like half a year, but I don’t think I’ve ever given you a birthday gift before.”
“Huh? Really?! It’s awesome. Are you sure I can have it?!” I was surprised by how loud my voice was.
Gifts tend to make both the giver and the receiver nervous. The giver worries over whether they’ll like it, and the receiver worries that they might react poorly and make the giver feel bad. I was especially bad at receiving gifts, so even when I was genuinely happy, my reactions could be a little incoherent. But this time, I was genuinely excited to get something I’d really wanted. How long had it been since I’d reacted to a gift so well without worrying about how I’d react?
Ayaka smiled in satisfaction. “Of course, it’s yours. No problem.”
“Man, really, thank you so much.”
“If you’re happy, then I’m happy. Anyway, let’s get going.”
“Huh? Where?”
“The buffet! You’re the first man I’ve ever given a gift to, so thank me with your attitude and your money!”
“Okay, you were doing so well until the money part!” I shouted, prompting Ayaka to laugh out loud. Without skipping a beat, she excitedly started her trek toward the hotel with the buffet.
I followed, recalling the words she’d just said. That was her first time giving a man a gift?
We were good friends, but that didn’t mean I knew everything about her. I’d kind of assumed that she gave gifts often. My lips relaxed into a smile as I watched her speed-walk impatiently ahead.
She probably liked our relationship as it was—two great friends who’d never cross the line into romance. But still, who could blame me for being happy that I was the first guy she’d done something like this for?
My heart had fully recovered from my troubling reunion with Reina.
***
After we’d enjoyed the feast, I headed home.
Along the way, I took out my now-much-lighter wallet. I’d considered buying a vending machine coffee on the way home, but I had so little money left that I hesitated even to do that. Where had my Yukichi and Higuchi bills gone?
“Too expensive. But the flavor matched the price,” I muttered as I put my wallet away again. How much had I spent just today? As a student living alone, I didn’t even want to imagine it.
It would be one thing if all these expenses were because of something like Christmas, but today was just a regular day. I shuddered. The buffet didn’t serve food that you’d find at any old restaurant—it was all stuff that would already be pretty expensive on its own. Yet I’d gotten to eat as much of those delicacies as I wanted, so maybe I should be happy that my wallet had anything left in it at all.
“Can’t even buy a coffee, though…” I moaned pathetically and continued on my way home for real this time.
Looks like I’m not getting that gaming console I wanted this month.
When my apartment came into view, I noticed that the lights were on in my room. Shinohara had said that she’d celebrate her birthday with friends today, but maybe they were finished by now.
We’re finishing early today, so leave a key in the mailbox for me!
I’d received that message this morning. I wasn’t super worried about thieves breaking into my apartment, so I’d agreed without much thought and did as she demanded.
The time was 10:30 p.m. I didn’t know what she was doing this late at night. Probably lazing around and reading manga in my room, or something.
I climbed the creaking stairs and stood in front of the door. It wasn’t the shabbiest of apartments, but it was old, and I was on the second floor. When I opened the door and said, “Hi, I’m home,” I was greeted by the sound of my TV.
A familiar face peeked out from the other end of the hallway. Shinohara had tied her hair up into a loose ponytail. “Oh, hi! Welcome home.”
“Thanks. What have you been doing all this time?”
“Watching TV, obviously,” she answered and changed the channel she was watching. A woman receiving an interview suddenly swapped to a news program.
“Oh? Like what?”
“Secret. Never probe into a girl’s secrets.”
“I’m not really probing. Here, gimme the remote.”
“Ah!”
I took the remote and randomly flipped through channels until I was back at the woman from before. The caption on the top-left read, When do you find yourself wanting a boyfriend?, suggesting that it was a girls’ talk program.
“Wow. I’m surprised you watch girly stuff like this.”
“Aah! You’re ‘surprised’? That’s just mean!”
“Why were you watching this?” I asked. Shinohara averted her eyes nervously. “Well, if you don’t wanna answer, that’s fine. Anyway, today…”
“I was just wondering…if I’m out of touch.”
“Oh, you answered. Huh? What made you feel that way?”
“Argh, you’re being so cold! It took a lot of courage to say that to you!” She tried to glare at me, but she was just too cute for it to have any effect. “You know how I used to date Motosaka-senpai? Well, all that stuff made me wonder if I’m out of touch with normal people.”
“Huh. Awfully late to start wondering about something like that.”
Whether you were out of touch with the world depended so much on the environment you grew up in. It wasn’t really something you could figure out in one day. I’d say that she did have odd views from my personal perspective of common sense, but that was by no means a bad thing. It was just unusual to me.
“I told my friends that we broke up. We split last month, so the news was late to arrive, but I wanted to tell them directly.”
“Yeah? How’d they react?”
“Well, they felt bad for me being cheated on, they hoped my next relationship would be a good one… Stuff like that.”
“Hmm. Sounds like you’ve got a good friend group.”
“Yeah, but…” She shook her head. “It feels weird when someone says that stuff to me. I feel bad I caused trouble for you all on Christmas, really, but I was genuinely just with him because I wanted to try doing couple stuff… Like, the cheating really didn’t hurt me. But my friends tried to console me all day. It was exhausting.” She shrugged.
“Is that why you called it so early on your birthday?”
“Yeah. I dated Motosaka-senpai because I wanted to go to couples’ events, and he cheated on me. It made me mad, but I’m not actually personally hurt. Is that out of touch?”
“Sounds like it.”
“I figured…” She laughed at my frank answer. Her laughter was carefree, as if hearing that hadn’t particularly bothered her.
“I think there are a lot of men who start dating for the same reason you did. But normally, they wouldn’t date someone unless they liked them at least a little, so they’d be hurt if they got cheated on.” Looking back, she had only ever said that she was annoyed that Motosaka had cheated on her. She’d never acted genuinely upset. “Why did you get mad when he cheated on you?”
“Because it annoyed me.”
“Why?”
“Because he made me look like a fool.”
“There’s no jealousy or anything about him giving so much attention to other girls? Like, it didn’t make you wonder if his love for you was a lie?”
“No. All I cared about was how stubbornly he tried to get me to go out with him and then once I finally agreed, he cheated on me. Nothing more, nothing less. Like, what do you take me for?” After saying that, she noticed my silence and looked at me uneasily. “Am I easy?”
Now, realizing her way of thinking was different from others, she’d started worrying if she was “easy.” I frankly didn’t have enough evidence to answer her, but I could at least reassure her she wasn’t that far out of touch.
“Everyone thinks their own way. For now, how about you just wait until you find someone else?”
“I did wait. I met him, and he cheated on me.”
“I see.”
“Why do you sound like you pity me now?”
“Oh, sorry. It must be rough.”
“I just told you that attitude is exhausting!” Shinohara puffed out her cheeks angrily. Then, she pulled her knees close and put her head down in them. “I’m really jealous of everyone else. Couples in love… I wish I could experience that.”
“I get that.” For a moment, Reina’s face flashed through my mind again. I tried to force it away by reaching into the bag that Ayaka had given me. “Here, I got a gift for you. It’s a wallet.”
“Huh?!” Shinohara let go of her knees and scooted closer. I smelled something sweet, and it wasn’t my shampoo.
“Happy birthday. I hope it was a good one.”
“Wow… My heart just skipped a beat.”
“Did it? Well, I’m glad you like it.”
“I mean, it’s exactly my style. I’ve always wanted stuff from this brand. How did you know? Are you a genius?”
That’s Ayaka for you. She always picks the right thing.
“I had a hunch based on our talks, that’s all.”
Forgive me for trying to act cool.
Just then, the doorbell rang. The loud noise, rather out of place for a studio apartment, echoed.
“Who could it be this late at night?” Shinohara hopped up onto her feet and walked over to the door.
She held the wallet gingerly. It was clear that she really liked it. It was by no means cheap, but I was so happy that I’d bought it for her.
I heard the clunk of her opening the door. It was followed by a familiar voice—but not hers.
“Oh? Shinohara? What are you doing here?”
“Ayaka-senpai?”
I made eye contact with her over Shinohara’s shoulder.
***
I quickly broke eye contact with Ayaka.
Looking back, I’d never actually told her that Shinohara hung out here all the time. I had no impure motives at all for letting her stay here late at night, but if I were in Ayaka’s shoes, I knew how I’d feel about this situation.
“Whoa. Were you two dating?”
As expected, she was surprised. When I looked again, her usual teasing look was gone. She was genuinely stunned.
Now that I thought about it, she was the first person I told whenever I got a new girlfriend. This probably came as a twofold surprise to her: one, that I’d gotten a girlfriend without telling her, and two, that it was Shinohara of all people.
It was rare to see her so at a loss for words. I walked over to the front door and waved. “That’s not it. I always tell you about my love life, remember?”
After several seconds of silence, she shook her head. “I mean… You do, but who wouldn’t assume when they walked in on this?”
“That’s fair. If it wasn’t you, I’m not sure I could convince anyone else otherwise.”
“I’m plenty confused! Stop expecting me to be so understanding of everything.” After throwing out an extra, “Jeez, you scared me,” she shut the door. The cold air blowing in stopped, and warmth started to fill the room again.
“You do understand me better than others, though.”
“Whatever. I guess.”
Relationships between men and women could get fuzzy at university, but I did not let girls I wasn’t dating into my room often—especially not just the two of us. But here Shinohara was at 11 p.m., so Ayaka’s misunderstanding was only natural.
Still, I’d managed to clear everything up.
I turned to apologize to Shinohara, but she cut me off with something surprising. “Wow, Ayaka-senpai. I didn’t know you were so clueless that you’d come visit someone this late at night.”
Ayaka paused for a second and then tilted her head in confusion. “I certainly don’t want to hear that from a child who’s staying in the home of a man she isn’t dating so late at night.”
Wait, why the hell are you two fighting?
I rushed to break it up.
“Shinohara, just a reminder, Ayaka’s your senior.”
“Oh, really? I’m sorry.” She apologized genuinely, but her eyes stayed locked onto my childhood friend.
She didn’t act like this at the mixer… Wait a minute. Those two didn’t even talk back then. Did these two have a history? The tension in the room screamed “yes.”
I looked back at Ayaka. She stared fixedly at Shinohara, her calm expression never wavering. After a moment, she said, “She’s fine. She’s been my underclassman for a long time.”
“A long time?” I’d heard that Shinohara was her underclassman, but had that started before university? Either way, her response didn’t tell me why the air between them was so tense.
I don’t need to know why right now. It’s their problem.
After a moment’s thought, I said, “Shinohara, you can stop now.”
She glanced back at me and then kindly bowed. “I’m sorry. I was too harsh.”
Ayaka didn’t seem bothered by the apology as she shook her head and replied, “It’s okay. I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn’t have riled you up. Besides, I can tell you two really aren’t dating.”
“That’s correct.” Shinohara only replied to that point. After all, she’d complained only mere moments ago that she’d never really fallen for someone.
Ayaka seemed satisfied and put her slender fingers on the doorknob.
“Anyway, sorry to bother you guys,” she said. “What I wanted can wait.”
“Okay. See you at school.”
She smiled faintly at me and turned around. But when she did, her eyes seemed to linger on the item in Shinohara’s hand for a moment.
“This?” Noticing her gaze, she showed Ayaka the item. “He just bought me this wallet.”
Ba-dump! Those words made my heart skip a beat.
Ayaka gazed at the wallet for a moment and furrowed her brow. After all, she was the one who’d picked it out.
“Wow. It’s very nice,” she answered and patted me on the shoulder as she passed me by. “Good job. You’re getting better at this.”
“Oh, not really…” Is this okay? I asked with my eyes, but she ignored me without a care.
“Pardon my intrusion.”
After that, she went out the door.
I could only watch as she faded into the darkness.
***
I sat down on my couch, legs crossed, but Shinohara sat on her knees in front of me.
“Shinohara, uh…?”
A third-person perspective of this would look awfully problematic, but fortunately—or not?—this was my home, so nobody else could see us.
“Hey…Senpai.”
“What?”
“The floor is cold.”
“Well, get over it, because I don’t have underfloor heating. Also, you’re the one who sat there of your own volition.” I glanced at Shinohara, dressed in strikingly casual attire, and recrossed my legs. There was only one thing I wanted to say to her. “Hey, your attitude before bugged me. She’s your senior, you know.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” The ex-Santa looked down sadly. She seemed even gloomier than when she’d broken up with Motosaka. Her apology came off as genuinely regretful—if nothing else, regretful that she’d acted like that in front of me.
As such, I decided to change my angle of attack for a moment.
“So, like…I’d like to get mad at you, but honestly, I’d feel better if you just acted normal.”
Shinohara’s face lit up. Her expression was cheerful, lucky me. “Okay! I’ll act normal!”
“Weird thing to say so excitedly… Anyway, it’s getting late. You should head home.”
This was the first time she’d been in my home so close to midnight. I’d always sent her home by 11 p.m., though the actual time difference wasn’t too much from an objective perspective.
“It’s rare in this day and age to send a girl home when the trains are about to stop. Be a little more worried about me, why don’t you?” she moped, but she walked toward the door anyway. The entrance was already cramped, and my three or four pairs of boots in the way weren’t helping, but she used her feet to fish her heels out of the pile with practiced maneuvers. “Hey, aren’t you curious, like…why I was acting rude, and all?”
“Not really. It’s not my business.”
“Aww, don’t say that. It hurts my feelings.” After she finished putting on her heels, Shinohara turned to face me. “But there’s something about that dry personality of yours that I actually love.”
“Great. Close the door soon, please. It’s cold out.”
“Ugh, you’re no fun at all! At least react a little!” She clicked her tongue angrily and slammed the door.
“Don’t go around telling people you ‘love’ them like that,” I grumbled. I knew she didn’t feel that way, but back in high school, I would’ve been on cloud nine to hear something like that.
When a guy misunderstands those kinds of comments, he ends up being the bad guy. It probably happened to women too, but it was still rough for us guys.
Chapter 6: Exams
Chapter 6:
Exams
THE NEXT DAY, AYAKA AND I KILLED SOME TIME in the university’s smoking area. It was our second semester of our second year, so we had some free time here and there between lectures—free periods, so to speak. The most sacred right of a university student is the ability to decide how to spend your own free time.
Now, as I extolled this blissful moment of peace, I noticed that Ayaka was acting a little different than usual. She had her arms folded tight across her chest as she leaned against a wall, exuding an unapproachable vibe. Her beauty already made her hard enough to approach. If we weren’t already friends, I’d be getting the hell away from her.
“Hey, is it just me, or are you in a bad mood today?” I finally asked.
“Mm. Same as usual.”
“No way, not from where I’m standing. See, aren’t I convincing? That’s my perspective as a guy who’s known you for—”
“Oh my god, shut up already.”
She interrupted me before I could finish telling my joke to lighten the mood, and I was forced to apologize instead.
“I’m sorry.” With a sigh, I added, “Try to cheer up before our next lecture, okay? Aren’t you trying to sell yourself as someone that anyone can be friends with?”
“I’m not ‘selling’ myself as anything, but fine. I’ll be more mindful. I appreciate your concern.” She brushed me off and turned her attention to her phone. I could tell from her finger movements that she was playing some kind of game, but her heart wasn’t in it.
She lost in no time. As she hit the retry button, I decided to pry a little further.
“What happened?”
Ayaka shot a glance my way but quickly looked back. This time, she hadn’t denied that something was wrong.
Something had to have happened, and whatever it was, it was making her unhappy. I just didn’t know if it was about last night or something else. A normal friend might have stopped there, but I was no normal friend, so I decided to press further.
“Out with it, already.”
“Do you have no tact whatsoever?”
“I left that in my mom’s womb.”
“Then crawl back in there and start over as an embryo,” she snapped back as she left the smoking area. Left without a choice, I crushed my half-finished cigarette into an ash tray and ran after her.
“Hey, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not mad. Besides, lecture starts in twenty minutes.”
“You’re not usually the kind of person to go in early to get a seat.”
“It’s different on test days. I’m serious.” She continued walking apace, entering the school building and pressing the elevator button. When we went inside, it was just the two of us.
University elevators were big, and they traveled quickly. But it still meant being in a closed space for some time, so the smell of cigarettes sticking to me happened to linger.
Ayaka took advantage of the opportunity to scold me. “You should really quit smoking soon.”
“Why? Who cares what I do with my body?” I pouted a little at her out-of-nowhere remark.
“It’s not good for you.”
“Sure it is. You can have surprisingly intimate conversations with people over a smoke. Older students in particular.”
Smoking did come with a lot of unnecessary expenses, and my wallet wasn’t exactly bursting, so it would be better if I did stop, at least in a financial sense.
Of course, I knew smoking had more downsides than upsides, including the damage it did to the body. But you’d be surprised by the number of upsides. Smoking helped me cope after Reina and I broke up, and like I said, it expediated conversations with my seniors.
The elevator door opened, and we arrived at the fourth floor where our lecture hall was. As I vacantly watched the display show the elevator going down to the first floor, Ayaka suddenly spoke up, “Well, let me just say that it doesn’t suit you.”
“Seriously?”
“Smoking and Hasegawa Yuuta do not go together.”
“Don’t just repeat yourself with different words!” I would’ve argued if she just said it was bad for me, but this was different.
I wasn’t interested enough in fashion to go looking for brand-name goods, but as a university student, I still cared about my appearance. Her saying smoking didn’t suit me was perhaps the most damning of all. Now I really needed to re-examine whether this habit was right for me after all.
“I don’t think Shinohara would like it, either. Most girls don’t.”
“I mean, I don’t smoke at home. I’m not sure I’ve ever smoked in front of her at all.”
“You make it sound like she’s always at your place.” Ayaka groaned and rolled her eyes.
She basically is, these days, I complained inwardly.
“So, why the bad mood?”
As I repeated this question, she tilted her head back at me. “You’re stubborn. It’s rare for someone to be so pushy without being scared of me disliking them for it.”
“Doesn’t sound very nice when you put it that way. But can you blame me? It’s bothering me. Besides, it’s not like I’m any old acquaintance.”
We’d known each other for some four or five years now. We weren’t in love, but that didn’t make our friendship any less special.
Ayaka didn’t disagree with that point, either. Rather, she sighed in resignation. “It’s because of exams. I’m feeling a little on edge.”
“Oh, no. Are you in danger of failing?”
“Don’t lump me in with idiots like you. I’m always like this.”
“Hey, no need to be that mean!” I retorted.
For the first time, she smiled a little. “Okay, I’ll tell you if you want, but I sure would like a café au lait from that vending machine there…”
“Okay, and?”
Ayaka said nothing. She simply gazed longingly at the vending machine.
“All right, fine.” I reluctantly took out my wallet and bought a hot café au lait.
It fell with a clunk. I retrieved it and threw the can to Ayaka, who scrambled to catch it.
“Jeez, at least tell me if you’re gonna throw it,” she complained.
“Why? You caught it just fine.”
“Hmph. Thanks.” She huffed, opened it, and greedily guzzled it down. It was pretty funny to see a young woman gulping down hot coffee with milk.
After throwing her empty can into the trash, she finally told me why she was in such a mood. “People keep asking to see my notes when they don’t come to lectures at all. And they never even give me anything in return.”
“Like money?” I asked, though I knew that wasn’t what she wanted. As expected, she glared daggers at me.
“Not what I want. People offer, but they only want to give me five thousand yen or something. If you think about that in terms of time spent, it’s a pretty crappy wage.” The dam had finally broken, and Ayaka began to vent more and more. “I mean, if you want a favor from someone, offer an equivalent exchange. Take notes for me when I can’t go to class or something. That’s why you can never give those bums the time of day.”
I could infer that she was mostly talking about men. It would be hard for her to refuse requests like these because she wanted to maintain her people-pleaser image. I didn’t remember her acting that way in high school, so this was a new burden for her in university.
There’s one problem, though…
She ranted on, “I’m spending time in class that they’re wasting goofing off, so why should I have to give my notes to people for nothing in return?”
I’m one of the people bumming notes off of her.
I’d say I was just not a morning person, but it’d be more accurate to say that the reason I often missed classes was my self-indulgent lifestyle. Whenever I missed class, I borrowed her notes. Even when I went to lectures, her notes were better than mine, so I borrowed them anyway. I’d never once offered her an equivalent exchange, as far as I could remember.
Guilt roiled inside me.
“You know…” I timidly started to apologize. “I kind of knew this was the issue, deep down, but hearing you say it has really made me feel awful. I’m sorry. I mean it.”
Ayaka blinked in confusion. “What? You’re fine, though.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t apologize over nothing,” she laughed.
“Wait, why is it fine when I do it?”
“I dunno. Guess I benefit just from giving them to you.”
I tried for a moment to understand, but I couldn’t. So I cleared my throat and asked, “What? What’s that supposed to mean?!”
“It means I get to use you for whatever I want, because you’re always indebted to me, silly.” She smirked and headed into the lecture hall first.
I made a mental note to never buy her a meal again.
***
At this university, it was pretty easy to get liberal arts credits outside of the field of law. None of the lectures had a failure rate over eighty percent, and more than half of students got credits. My perception was, as long as you were present and you studied properly, you’d pass.
Today’s exam was the last one of the semester.
I’d copied Ayaka’s perfectly organized notes and spent all night studying them. This subject didn’t allow you to bring a cheat sheet or anything, but thanks to the all-nighter, I wasn’t too worried about failing. The exam was in twenty minutes, but I didn’t feel like I needed to do any last-minute cramming.
I cleaned off my desk and placed my pen on it. Sensing someone looking my way, I glanced up. A student who looked to be about the same age as me asked, “Excuse me. Is the seat next to you open?”
“Yep. Go right ahead.”
The man bowed slightly and began his prep for the exam. In high school, people didn’t use polite language even when they were talking to an older student who they didn’t know. That was one thing that changed in university.
Left with nothing to do, I looked around and saw Ayaka sitting on the other side of the room. She and her friend were having a discussion. Since they were so far away, I couldn’t see their faces, but I knew Ayaka’s mannerisms well enough to tell that it was her.
There were different shapes and sizes of university lecture halls, and this one was on the larger side. There were about fifteen long desks in the middle section and twenty on the sides, each big enough to seat three. Only two students were permitted to sit at each table to avoid cheating, but it still wasn’t hard to find a seat.
When the instructor entered, the chatter in the room died down at once. Test papers were passed out.
I squinted to see if I could see the questions through the back. There didn’t seem to be multiple-choice questions. In fact, there were only two lines of question text.
“Oof…” the guy next to me groaned.
My thoughts exactly. If there were only two questions, then they were sure to demand detailed answers. Rest in peace, students who’d learned the content broadly-yet-shallowly.
The bell rang, and I took my pen in hand.
It was time to begin.
***
“It’s so over.”
I’d managed to write a complete answer to the first question, but the second one expected me to recall stuff that I’d completely let slip from my brain. The best I could manage was four lines. Four lines out of an essay that should have been twenty.
An example: Say the question was something like, What did you do over winter break? Write a detailed description of what you enjoyed the most and the best food you ate.
My answer was akin to replying with, I’ll probably go to a café later. It was so disastrous you’d think I didn’t even understand what was being asked. I doubted I’d even get partial credit.
When Ayaka saw how gloomy I was despite the exam being over, she said in exasperation, “What? You couldn’t answer the second question? I even left marks in the notebook indicating which parts were probably going to be essay questions.”
“Ah ha ha ha…”
She cringed a little and asked worriedly, “A-are you okay?” Then, after a moment of thought, she clapped her hands once. “I know. We’re having an end-of-exams party tomorrow. Wanna come? It’s been a while since you went to a big drinking party, right?”
“Drinking party…? Uh, I guess the last time was the one I went to with my circle?”
As soon as she heard my answer, she whipped out her phone and tapped up a storm. “Okay, I sent you the address. It’s a welcoming circle, and if you get some booze in you, I think even you could have some fun.”
I still hadn’t agreed to go, but she was quick to act. But I was unusually eager for a party like that, so I said honestly, “Thanks.”
“Mm.” With that short reply, Ayaka stretched her arms and legs. “So, we’re free for a little while. How about we enjoy a nice, long spring break?”
“Yeah. Two whole months, huh?”
“Yep! One of my circles is going on a trip together. I’m really looking forward to it.”
“You’re in a few of those, aren’t you? Which one is it this time?”
“The outdoorsman’s circle.”
“Ooh. Going mountain-climbing, or something?”
“Nope. We’re going to a hot spring and eating crab.”
“Of course…”
You’d expect an outdoorsman’s circle to go hiking or whatever, but reality often defied expectation. Most just went out drinking together and took sightseeing trips. It probably varied from school to school, but in mine at least, all of the outdoorsman’s circles were like that. I remembered being horrified when I looked at the application sheet I was given when I first started here.
“Are you going to your circle at all these days?” she asked.
“Nope, not at all.” I was still in that basketball circle, believe it or not.
The easiest way to expand your friend group at university was to join a circle. Conversely, not joining one made it a lot harder.
“How about you start going again soon? You liked the one you were in, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess I did.”
We usually just played pickup games, but sometimes we took practice really seriously. I liked the way the circle did things, and I especially enjoyed it as a means of relieving stress.
I’d stopped going after Reina and I broke up, which meant they hadn’t seen me in two months. The reason for that was because some of them knew her through me. I couldn’t stand the thought of them pressing me about why we’d broken up right after she’d cheated on me. But my mental state was a lot better now. It was past time to get back to my old life.
“Yeah. I should go back.”
“Mm-hmm. It’ll be a good distraction, so I think that’s for the best.”
Ayaka smiled. “Okay, I’m gonna head out now. I have dinner plans with some friends from class.”
“Gotcha. Have fun.”
With that, she waved and went back into the lecture hall. Her friends were probably waiting in there.
“Guess I should go too.” If I missed this chance, it would be a while before I’d get the opportunity to see my circle again.
Thus, I contacted my buddies and told them, For the first time in months, I’m going back to the circle!
Y’know, I’ve met Ayaka’s friends, but I’ve never gone to dinner with them. I could probably go if I wanted, since we talked when we met, but there wasn’t a good reason for me to intrude.
Ayaka probably wasn’t too keen on mixing me into her other friend groups. If she was, she would’ve asked me long ago. She always invited me to mixers and circle drinking parties, after all. Did they see sides of her that I didn’t? Not that I would know if such sides existed. I didn’t know anything about her life before the day we met in high school.
While I was interested, I’d probably never know unless I gave her a good reason to tell me. Whenever I’d asked on a whim, she typically evaded the question. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone vibrating in my pocket. It was a LINE message from Shinohara.
Grats on finishing your exams! Where are you now?
What horrific timing. I’d finally made the decision to go see my circle for once, so if she wanted to invite me to hang out, I’d have to refuse.
A call from her lit up my screen. After a moment’s hesitation, I picked up.
“’Grats on your exams!” she repeated out loud.
“Oh, yeah, thanks. Sorry, but I can’t hang out today.”
“Huh? Why not?”
“I’m finally going to see my circle, so today’s no good.”
“Aww. But we can at least hang out for lunch, right? I just turned down a different lunch invitation, so I’m free ’til evening.”
Does that mean she flaked on plans just to hang out with me? If so, I’d feel a little bad saying no…but I held my ground.
“That’s your business, not mine.”
“Yes, it is. But you’re also so kind that you’d always hang out with me at times like this.”
“What’s your angle?” I asked dubiously.
“You don’t know? When you call a person kind, they treat you more kindly.”
“Really? Well, I guess I’m not a kind person. See ya.”
“Hey! Wait, I’ll pay for the meal!” Shinohara’s panicked last words made me hesitate.
Allow me to repeat myself: When you were a student living alone, you couldn’t just go home and expect there to be a hot meal waiting for you. You had to cook, eat out, or buy a packed meal or something. And since I didn’t cook, that left me with two expensive options.
In short, cutting my food expenses was always an attractive proposition, even if it meant taking advantage of a younger woman’s offer to pay.
“Bah, fine. I’ll do it. Let’s meet in front of the university cafeteria.”
“Heh heh. Too easy,” she chuckled before hanging up.
For a second, I genuinely considered blowing her off and going home instead.
***
“Senpai, over here!”
I looked around and spotted Shinohara waving excitedly at me. It was easy to see where she was standing just by following the glances of students milling around.
I couldn’t help but sigh when I saw a group of guys immediately break out into conversation amongst themselves as soon as they saw her. She stood out just because she was so cute, so I really wished she would stop yelling in front of random people.
Have a little sympathy for the guy meetingyou, would you?
“Hey,” I called out to her.
The group of men sounded disappointed, grumbling stuff along the lines of, “Yeah, figures,” before they drifted away. As I’d expected, they were probably talking about inviting her to lunch themselves.
Had she not noticed them? Or was she choosing to ignore them?
“’Grats again on finishing your exams!” she repeated for a third time.
“You sure are excited.”
“You’re too unexcited. Exams are over and done!”
Heedless of my feelings, she was her usual peppy self. I almost wanted to complain.
“Yeah, I’m just beat.”
She pouted at my answer. “Wow. A girl invites you out to lunch, and you act like it’s suuuch a nuisance. And it’s me, at that! Aren’t you just blessed?” After that unnecessary last comment, Shinohara waited for my reaction.
The way she teased me, acting like I should be honored to be in her presence reminded me of Ayaka. Not that I’d say that, though, since they didn’t seem to be on good terms with each other.
“Even healthy boys can’t get excited that quickly if we’re sleepy.”
“Is that so?” Apparently unsatisfied to hear that, Shinohara pouted as she walked a little bit ahead of me.
I’d noticed quite a while ago that every little face she made had a way of poking at a man’s heart. It wasn’t clear whether she was aware or not, but I could only imagine that Motosaka had ended up under her thrall because of that.
Back at the Christmas mixer, she’d mentioned there was an endless line of guys asking her out before she decided to give Motosaka a chance. Countless men had danced in the palm of her hand and been shot down in the end. When I thought of all of those lost soldiers, it made me want to keep her at arm’s length, but she was too assertive for me to be successful in that regard.
As for Shinohara herself, she was searching on her phone for a restaurant close to the school. There were cafeterias and cafés on campus, but they were crowded given their proximity and affordability. She’d said herself that if you wanted to settle down and have a relaxing meal, you’d just have to go to a normal restaurant.
But before we could have lunch, there was one more obstacle to overcome.
“Shinohara, I’m not hungry.”
I’d gotten little to no sleep while studying, so I had plenty of time this morning. As a result, I’d eaten a bigger breakfast than usual, which resulted in my stomach not yet being ready for lunch.
“Then what should we do? Find a restaurant and walk around for a bit before we go in?”
“I’d really prefer if you just let me go hang out with my circle now!”
“Absolutely not. How am I supposed to fill the time I set aside for you?” After a moment, her face lit up. I had a bad feeling about this. “I can just go to your circle with you!”
“Cut it out, idiot!”
The good thing about circles was that, unlike clubs, there was less of an obligation to go. Of course, it got harder to go the longer you’ve put it off, but it wasn’t a problem as long as you built up a good relationship with the group.
In other words, if I took Shinohara with me, they wouldn’t mind. In fact, they’d love it.
But the basketball circle I was about to go to, which was called “Start,” hadn’t seen me since my breakup. It’d be awkward to take a girl there on the day of my big return—not just for me, but for my friends too.
Shinohara did not heed my concerns. “I can’t wait to watch you play basketball! You’d better show off your skills for me, okay?”
“Don’t expect much from me. I’m no pro player.”
After saying that, I steeled myself for what was to come. It would be easier to just let her watch than to refuse.
I prayed that no bizarre misunderstandings would be birthed from this.
***
“Sorry I had to borrow your practice clothes.”
Bathed in an unfamiliar smell, I called out to my buddy who was tying his basketball shoes next to me. His name was Toudou Masato, and he had distinctive hair dyed ash blond.
“It’s cool, man,” he replied.
I met Toudou at a welcome party at another circle. We became friends shortly after starting university, and it was his influence that got me to start smoking. He was a chill guy, always easy to be around.
“It’s been a while since you came to the gym. How long has it been since your girl dumped you, again?”
“She didn’t dump me, just so you know,” I defended myself.
He chuckled to himself. “Funny sense of pride you’ve got there. But I get how you feel.”
“I told you, she cheated on me. That’s lame enough already, though. I wish she’d just dumped me instead.” I didn’t think being dumped was that bad, but being cheated on and dumped, now that was something. It might differ from person to person, but that would have hurt my self-esteem pretty bad.
But he just stretched and replied, “Lamer to be the cheater, I say. Good for you, cutting that out your life.”
“Yeah. I guess it would’ve been worse if I just kept dating her without knowing.”
“Right?” He smirked and picked up a ball.
Toudou was a good-looking guy, so naturally he was popular with girls. But he was devoted to his girlfriend of two years, and he never fooled around. I genuinely liked spending time with the dude.
He glanced at my basketball shoes. “Hey, do those shoes fit you?”
They were a little big for me, since they were loaned out by the circle. But if I tied the laces tightly, it wouldn’t interfere with my play.
“It’s fine, even if they look kinda dumb,” I shrugged.
“Whoa, man, watch your mouth. You’re behind on your fees, so be glad you even get to use them.”
“Oh, yeah… The circle pays for these with the fees, huh?”
“Yep. That’s real tax money squeezed out of us working folk, so be grateful.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it.”
Toudou laughed at my exasperation and spun the ball atop his finger. “By the way, who’s that girl standing at the door? She’s hardcore staring.”
I followed his gaze to find Shinohara peeking into the gymnasium. The other circle members kept glancing at her—she was obviously standing out. When we locked eyes, she hopped up and down and waved at me. The other members realized that she was waving at me, and they were all surprised.
“Aww, man. I forgot I brought her with me.”
“Is that your new girl?”
“Of course not.”
“Yeah. I doubt you’d be the rebounding type.” Toudou narrowed his eyes, as if looking through me.
I couldn’t find an answer, so I clammed up. It wasn’t that I was uninterested in having a new girlfriend, but I also couldn’t refute that I was hesitant to dip my toes back into romance. What if I got cheated on again? I didn’t want to feel like all the time I’d put into dating had been wasted a second time. In that sense, he was right.
“What about Ayaka-san?”
“Nah, it’s not like that. She’s different,” I replied.
Toudou rolled the ball he’d been spinning over to the corner of the gymnasium. “You always say that, Yuu, but I just don’t get the logic. You’re such good friends with a bombshell of a girl. How do you not catch feelings?”
“I could ask you that. You’ve got plenty of cute friends, and you don’t catch feelings.”
“It’s because I already have a girlfriend. You’re a free agent.” He put a hand on my shoulder and turned his attention back to Shinohara. “She’s so damn cute. There aren’t any girls with those kinda looks at your job, are there? How’d you even get to know her? A mixer, or something?”
I thought for a moment and replied, “I…ran into Santa.”
“Say what?”
I left the puzzled Toudou behind and ran over to the ex-Santa. Despite the all-nighter I’d subjected myself to, my body felt uncommonly light.
Chapter 7: Hanging Out with My Circle
Chapter 7:
Hanging Out with My Circle
SHINOHARA JUMPED UP AND DOWN EXCITEDLY as I approached. “The gym smells kinda nice! It’s exciting.”
The other circle members looked on in fascination. Everyone was clearly conscious of her presence. The more skilled players used flashier techniques than usual to sink hoops. She had such a powerful presence that it made me nervous to be next to her…even though she was just hopping around.
The lobby had a staircase leading to the second floor. My plan was to show her the way and have her watch from up there. When I walked in the direction of the stairs, she obediently followed.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Second floor,” I replied.
She tugged at my sleeve. When I turned around, she was looking up at me unhappily. “That’s too far. I want to see things from up close. Is that wrong?”
So she noticed the second-floor seats.
The gymnasium used by Start was owned by the city, and the basketball court was as big as the university’s gym. The wide view commanded by the second-floor seats was a major selling point. It was perfect for spectating.
But despite that, Shinohara still complained. Her dissatisfaction baffled me.
“There isn’t any space for spectators on the first floor. You don’t want the ball flying out of bounds and hitting you.”
“But it feels more real. I wanna see you play up close.”
So she said, but her eyes revealed a deeper truth. It was all too clear that she was lying. She wasn’t even trying to hide it.
“Is there any other reason you want to be on the floor?” I asked.
Shinohara looked unhappy for a moment, but then, she sighed. “It’s just lonely, you know?”
“Huh?”
“Being tossed up to the second floor alone is lonely! I hate being alone all the time!”
“Who are you, me from middle school?!”
“Ugh, whatever!” She humphed and turned away.
This was getting pretty exasperating.
She was an exceedingly beautiful woman, wearing a trendy trench coat and with her hair perfectly in place. Despite her beauty, though, she really was innocent in a lot of ways.
“Okay, then join us. You can play without getting permission on days we aren’t in tournaments.”
Start was a relaxed enough circle that anyone could join in, even if they didn’t have experience. They lent out practice clothes for girls, and they always emphasized that even beginners could join the fun, so it’d be just fine.
However, my suggestion made her face cloud over.
“Hm? What’s wrong? I thought you liked basketball.”
“Well… Yes, that’s true,” she answered vaguely. I could tell that the idea didn’t excite her much.
So watching and playing are two different things for her. Well, I guess that much is obvious.
If that was how she felt, then I wasn’t about to force the issue. Going back to the first floor and letting her spectate from there would be best for both of us. There was courtside space. It was mostly occupied by other circle members, but that was probably fine by her.
“Fine. You can watch from the first floor. Just watch out for stray balls.”
Shinohara’s face lit up. She bowed and said, “Thank you so much!”
I hadn’t really done anything special, so the situation was extra awkward for me.
“Don’t mention it.”
“Heh heh!” She smiled happily. Seeing that, I smiled too.
I hated doing things alone in middle and high school as well. I’d always find a way to hang out and chat with friends. Just being with people you like was fun, and being social made it difficult to know how to deal with time spent alone. But as I grew up, my sensibilities had naturally changed. I was fine going to karaoke alone now, which I couldn’t have done back then because I was too embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to see me. What would the staff think of me going in alone? Back then, I’d always felt that everyone was watching and judging me.
That, too, changed. Whether I was walking through town or working at my job, it was rare for me to ever have an interest in passersby. Even if I did, it didn’t last long. Eventually, I realized that everyone felt the same way, and the feeling of being watched just disappeared.
That was something you realized when you spend enough time alone. Shinohara would too, with time.
“You really are my underclassman, huh?” I mused. I was well aware that she was younger than me, but there hadn’t been many opportunities to really feel that difference.
She shot back at my idle commentary, “Wow, what’s that supposed to mean? What, do I look old to you?”
I put a hand atop her head and laughed, “Ha ha ha, no, that’s not it.”
“Hyah!” she squealed.
I suddenly remembered how she’d acted when Motosaka did something similar. At that Christmas mixer, she’d brushed his hand away.
So I quickly pulled my hand back and apologized, “Sorry.”
“Huh?” Shinohara looked confused, but after a moment she laughed to herself. “It’s okay if you do it, silly.”
“O-oh, really? Thanks.”
“Ha ha! You’re too cute.”
“Shut up!” I felt my face burning red and turned around before she could notice. I pictured her smirking at me from behind. This was the first time her devilish attitude had actually gotten to me.
Without looking back, I returned to the court. Toudou appeared from the entrance. The shoes he’d been wearing hung from both hands.
“Heyo. What’s up with you two?”
“Shinohara says she wants to watch from the first floor. That’s okay, right?”
Toudou looked at her for a moment and nodded. “Hell yeah, more than okay. I bet everyone would like her even closer, honestly.”
“Thank you so much!” Shinohara thanked him emphatically. As she bowed deeply, he laughed and waved for her to stand back up.
“No problem, no problem. While you’re here…” He seemed to think of something and said, “Shinohara, was it? Come over here for a sec.”
“What’s up?”
When I tried to follow her, though, Toudou stopped me. “You run drills alone for a bit. You’ll just be a pain.”
“What do you mean, a pain?!”
“Ah ha ha! That’s totally him!” Shinohara burst out laughing at my impotent rage.
I had no memory of being that kind of guy, but if it lightened things up, then I was willing to let it slide. I trusted that Toudou wouldn’t do anything stupid, too, so I left them and continued on to the court.
The nostalgic scent of anti-slip floor treatment welcomed me back.
***
The circle Start spent most of its time playing scrimmage games.
We didn’t spend much time practicing because we didn’t have any major aims. If pressed to give a goal, it would be to win a tournament between the university’s other basketball circles and secure funds for drinking parties and training camps. But honestly, we just wanted to get some exercise and have fun playing ball.
Start was a gathering of like-minded people, so it naturally led to a focus on playing the game. Of course, I was one of those people.
Joining a club never occurred to me when I enrolled in university. I’d longed for the freedom of campus life, so I considered clubs an unnecessary obstacle between me and true fun. But I was in the basketball club in middle and high school, so I was reluctant to let all of that effort go to waste. It wasn’t all fun and games, but it was those years that made me who I was now. With that in mind, around the start of my first semester, I was naturally drawn to a basketball circle.
I dribbled the ball lightly as I reminisced. It bounced off of the floor and rose right back into the palm of my hand. I always liked the feeling of it returning exactly where I wanted even after I released it.
As I did some light dribbling, savoring the coarse texture of the ball for the first time in a long while, I spotted a third-year student approaching, so I stopped and smiled at them.
“Long time no see!” they greeted me. “Doing well?”
“I am. Sorry I haven’t been around.”
Thus began a rerun of the exchange I’d been through countless times today.
That’s just how it was—when you didn’t join in for a while, everyone wanted to say something. They apparently knew what had happened too, because some people commented that they’d heard about the breakup. I didn’t really mind, though. It would be a lot more difficult to have to tell them all myself.
I shot the ball toward the hoop. It drew a clean arc, and at the end of it, the net shook. Even in university, it was just too satisfying to shoot a swish.
“Nice one!” someone called out, and my vision darkened.
“Whoa!” A towel had been wrapped around my face from behind. I peeled it off, and as expected, Shinohara was there with a hand on her hip. She’d changed into a basketball jersey.
“Why…?” I asked.
She giggled proudly and replied, “Senpai! Do you know what surveys say is the most exciting romantic situation for guys in sports? Hint: it starts with an M!”
“Mannequins and social media fame.”
“No, that’s not it! What does that even mean?!” she shouted back, devastated. Then, she picked up the ball that had rolled over to her and offered it to me with both hands.
“Beats me. What is it?”
“The correct answer is having a cute manager! Please restart your life and try harder next time time.”
“Pretty harsh for one little mistake.” I let the ball return to my hands once more and took another shot. Once again, nothing but net.
“You’re really good, aren’t you?”
“I’m just in rare form, is all.” After a two-month hiatus, your shooting abilities dulled quite a bit. Those two swishes were just flukes. I suppressed the emotions welling up inside me and asked her, “Did Toudou ask you to be our manager?”
“Hmm… I won’t say he asked, but he did give me the option.”
“What do you mean?”
Shinohara picked up the ball again. This time, she awkwardly dribbled it toward the basket and answered, “He said it’d be boring if I just watched, so he let me into the manager’s room. This is my first time being a manager, by the way!”
“Wow. Well, stay out of our way.”
“Mean!” She tried shooting with both hands, but her form was all wrong.
Because she’d thrown it way before the peak of her jump, it went straight toward the basket.
The ball hit the underside of the hoop…and bounced right back at her face.
“Bmmph!”
I heard a low, muffled kind of sound that didn’t normally come from her.
That looked pretty bad.
She curled up and trembled, so I approached to ask if she was okay. Suddenly, she lifted her face. As expected, her nose was bright red.
“Senpai!”
“What?”
“I hate basketball!”
“Okay?!”
It was painfully obvious from her shot just now that she hadn’t played much before. Our circle welcomed newbies, but it was winter, so our beginners had long since grown into experienced players.
It’d probably still be fine to let her join in the game, but letting her be our manager was surely the optimal choice both for her and for us.
“Help me up!” she begged, spreading her arms wide.
I gave up and grabbed one of her arms near the shoulder. It was surprisingly soft.
“Peeerv.”
“Shut up, dummy.” I dismissed her and yanked her up. She unsteadily got to her feet and rubbed the spot where I’d grabbed her.
“I didn’t think you’d grab my arm. I held out my hands. You’re weird.”
“Feels too intimate to grab your hand.”
“I think my upper arm is a hundred times more intimate… Oh, never mind.” She rolled up her jersey sleeves and took a hair tie off her wrist. Then, she quickly pulled her hair into a ponytail and twirled in front of me. Her tied-up hair brushed against the tip of my nose. “What do you think?”
“Cute. Very cute,” I replied and headed to the basketball cage.
“Huh? Wait! That’s it?!”
I ignored her devilish voice and picked up a ball with one hand.
She looks so different when her hair is up.
It had to be her hairstyle that made her look so mature so suddenly. For the first time, I realized how much women were cheating by being able to change their vibe with ease time after time. Now I was starting to understand why men fell for that little devil.
The buzzer rang, signaling the end of warm-ups.
***
Men’s matches and women’s matches were held on a rotation. It was already getting close to the end of today’s session—all that remained was a women’s match.
That match had just started. I was fully out of commission by now, so I sat and stretched my legs. They were much heavier than usual, a sign of how my skills had deteriorated. I was still young, sure, but the body tended to feel heavy when you go months without proper exercise. If I was aging like this already, I feared what would happen when I started my career.
While I worried about that, a plastic bottle suddenly came flying and hit my thigh.
“There ya go,” Toudou said, pointing at the fallen bottle.
It was a newly released sports drink. He must’ve bought it from a vending machine in the lobby for me.
“Ooh, thanks.” I decided to ignore the fact that he’d thrown it at me.
He wiped his sweat and sat next to me. “Your girl’s real popular, eh?”
“Not my girl,” I grinned wryly.
He smiled back. “I dunno about that.”
I looked at Shinohara, who was passing out drinks to the circle members. The water fountain, which was usually ignored, was surrounded by mostly men right now. She lacked the basketball knowledge necessary to manage a team, but if she could raise morale this much, then surely she belonged here.
“Nah, I doubt that could ever happen.”
“What?” Toudou stopped just as he was about to take a sip from his drink. Then he cocked his head at me.
“I mean, she probably can’t be our manager.”
“Yeah, of course. It’s already amazing that she’s joined a circle she came to just watch, especially without a particular goal.”
“Honestly, I think her goal is just to kill time.” I considered the fact she was spending more time with me as proof of that too. That also explained why she could so comfortably come to my house whenever she wanted.
Toudou laughed. “I’m impressed if she can show that much initiative just to kill time.”
“No doubt.”
“You gotta learn from her, Yuu. Live a little.”
People often talked like that to me. And to be fair, they were right. I wasn’t as energetic like Shinohara or sociable enough to know exactly how to treat every person individually like Ayaka.
“Unfortunately, it’s easiest to just be me.” I wasn’t about to change the fundamental way I lived.
He patted me lightly on the shoulder. “Yeah, I figured. Good. It feels like you’re back to normal.” That brought a slight smile to my face.
For a while, I just savored the nostalgic echoing of the basketball bouncing on the gym floor.
Chapter 8: The Phone Call
Chapter 8:
The Phone Call
WHEN WE GOT TO THE RETRO-STYLE CAFÉ, Shinohara sat down in a chair in the back. The dark-brown chair creaked slightly. As I sat down, mine was even louder.
Shinohara looked tired as she hung her coat up, which led to me blurting out something stupid. “I’ll treat you.”
“Huh? That’s not necessary,” she said with a surprised look. It almost annoyed me how she refused without even thinking about it.
“Okay, well, I insist. That’s what I’m going to do.”
“Why? Didn’t I promise to treat you earlier?” She looked a little taken aback.
When people offered to treat me, I usually graciously accepted without a second thought. It seemed she was different in this regard.
“You let me back on Christmas Eve. Why not today?”
“Are you gaslighting me? I was the one who paid then.”
That made me remember that she’d originally hired me to help take revenge against Motosaka. Apparently, my brain had gaslit itself to protect my dignity as the older one here. Maybe my sudden need to pay for her meal was an unconscious impulse to take my stupid dignity back. It didn’t really matter much either way, though.
“Joining a circle out of nowhere, the whole manager business… You must be tired. Let me, I dunno, appreciate you, or something.”
The word “appreciate” seemed to convince her somewhat. So having a reason makes it easier for her to agree, huh?
“In that case, I graciously accept,” she relented. “But let me just say that you were cute when you were in the zone playing basketball, so it was a fulfilling time for me too, okay?”
“I’d appreciate a manlier word than ‘cute.’”
“Aww, why?” she pouted a little. “I think a guy needs to have a pretty high score with a girl for her to call him cute.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Why the cold response?!” She snatched the menu away from me with both hands.
I shuddered with regret. I hadn’t considered that she might take advantage of this opportunity and order an expensive lunch. However, I was proven wrong when the employee brought over food that was surprisingly gentle on my wallet.
By the time we’d eaten half the meal and chatted a bunch to boot, I apologized.
“I feel bad. Did I make you worry about my funds?”
“No. I was in the mood for this dish.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Shinohara confirmed and swirled her fork around to gobble up more pasta.
Despite her usual rudeness, she still had a way of being considerate. This was why her typical cheek didn’t bother me. Heck, by now, I almost found it comforting.
I’d only known Shinohara for two months, but it was becoming clear that I liked our relationship.
“Ahh… Today was full of nostalgia,” she said. “It reminds me of when I was in basketball clubs.”
“Huh? You were in basketball clubs?” I was stunned. Her ball handling was too clumsy for me to believe it.
“You were just thinking I’m too clumsy to believe it, right? Well, a long time ago, I was actually pretty good!” Shinohara made her displeasure apparent. “But I paled in comparison to Ayaka-senpai.”
“Ayaka? She was in the club too?”
“Huh? You didn’t know?”
“Of course not…”
Back in high school, Ayaka was in what we called the going-home club. I’d heard it was the same in middle school too, because she “didn’t like having her personal time eaten away.” I didn’t doubt she was telling the truth, so Shinohara’s claims seemed dubious-at-best right now.
“Hmm? So she hasn’t told you after all?” Shinohara’s face turned cold for a moment.
“‘After all?’ What does that mean?”
“Oh, noooooothing.” Apparently unbothered and ready to leave it at that, she called a waiter over.
She knew Ayaka’s past, and I didn’t. I wanted to pry, but I stayed quiet now that we had company.
“May I take your order?” the waiter asked.
“I want matcha au lait and cheesecake! Do you want anything, Senpai?” She’d totally changed the subject now. Her intentions were unclear, but I could tell she wasn’t about to open up here.
Doesn’t matter. If I want to know Ayaka’s past, I can just ask her. With that, I gave up and decided to join her for dessert.
“I’ll take an iced café au lait, then.”
“Yes, sir.” The waiter bowed lightly and left us.
The uniform was simple, but stylish enough combined with the vibe of the restaurant. I could tell why this was a popular place for female students to work.
“Rarer for people to dress up as Santa, huh?” I mused.
“Santa’s cute! It’s perfect for the season too,” Shinohara said in a sweet tone, also watching the waiter leave.
Indeed, she’d stood out quite a bit when she wore that outfit, especially so close to Christmas. I couldn’t imagine that a university student who’d willingly choose such an attention-grabbing part-time job would go for a gig at a café next.
Given Shinohara’s features though, she’d probably look good in anything.
“You love your café au lait, don’t you?” she said. “I pegged you as the kind of guy to like your coffee black, so it surprised me when I first found out.”
Was that a compliment? I didn’t mind it, at least, because I considered black coffee the kind of thing that mature people drank.
“No, I still can’t handle that stuff. Tastes awful.”
“I just figured you’d drink it to try and act mature. You are an adult, but you’re surprisingly childish.”
“Wh-who are you calling childish?!” I stammered. Contrary to expectations, it was no compliment at all—it was pretty much an outright insult. “Unfortunately, I don’t have money to waste on appearances.”
That answer seemed to placate her. She nodded and muttered, “I guess it does come down to that if you’re poor…”
Now you’re just being rude.
She sure dressed like she had plenty of money. The beige trench coat on the hanger next to us looked expensive, and the black turtleneck and fine necklace under it no doubt cost a good chunk of change as well.
“Speaking of, how did you get so flush with cash?”
Despite my impolite question, Shinohara readily answered, “I work part-time a lot. The Santa gig was a second job, y’know.”
“Ah, I see. Maybe I should ask for more shifts.”
As for me, I only worked once or twice a week. That was on the lower end of the demographic of liberal arts students not participating in any clubs. Back when I’d dated Reina, I worked five shifts a week and built up a decent amount of savings. Currently, I was living off of those savings. They were about to run out soon, though.
Shinohara looked dissatisfied by my ponderings. “I’ll be bored if you’re out more days.”
“Hey, you’re the weird one for coming over three to four days a week. At least let me have a job.”
“I work as a salon model, so you can just mooch off of me financially, okay? I’ll pay for your food, how about that?”
I struggled over whether to respond to the model part or the idea of her being my sugar mommy first, but in the end, I chose to press her on the former. After all, the average university student would know nothing about modeling.
“Is modeling that lucrative?” I asked.
“It depends on the person, but I make about 40,000 yen a month. It’s not bad.”
“What?!”
Including her other jobs, that meant she was making several times what I made in a month. I felt dizzy. Still, that didn’t mean I was willing to let her pay my way. It’d be horrific if word got out.
“No, no, I’m fine. There’s nothing as pathetic as a younger woman paying for your expenses.”
“There we go. That’s the Senpai I know.”
My mouth fell open at her answer. “You were testing me? Now that’s just awful!”
“I-I didn’t think you’d take me seriously!” She put her fork down and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “I’ll just have to make you my own special dinner for tonight as a treat. I’ll put all my skills into it.”
Shinohara flexed her bicep exaggeratedly. I frowned back at her. That was apparently amusing, because she burst out laughing.
“So, what do you want to eat tonight?” she asked.
I crossed my arms. Her cooking was pretty high-level, so I was frankly fine with anything, but I knew that answer would be the most troublesome one possible to the chef.
Instead, I said the very first thing that came to mind: “Tiramisu.”
“Why a dessert?”
“Is that a no?”
“N-no, it’s not… I guess I should grab groceries, then?” She stood up.
“For sure,” I said.
“Okay. Thanks for the meal.” Shinohara bowed politely and left.
I then paid for our meal, thinking of tiramisu all the while.
***
After Shinohara went home, I washed the dirty dishes from the meal. The sweetness of tiramisu lingered on my lips. It was delicious. I liked things that were sweet with hints of bitterness inside. Perhaps noticing my tastes from what I’d ordered at the café earlier, her tiramisu was just the right blend of flavors for me. No doubt the odd sense of guilt that I felt for eating it in a warm room had added to the experience, putting it among the best foods I’d eaten lately.
It was about 8 p.m. now. My day was smoother than usual, in part thanks to her leaving earlier than she typically did. At this rate, I’d have plenty of free time before bed. I didn’t mind time with her, but I needed my alone time too.
Since exams were over, I was in the mood to lie down and scroll video-sharing websites until I fell asleep. Clicking random things on the “related videos” list for hours on end was heaven for me. However, my humble desire was dashed by the green glow of my phone. The name displayed on the incoming call screen was Ayaka’s.
“So, what do you think the guest said to me after that?”
“Hey, can we talk about this another time? I just remembered I have some stuff I have to do before tomorrow.”
“Pssh, you’re just gonna scroll the internet all night. You can do that any time.”
“We can also call each other any time.”
I heard a big sigh on the other end of our speaker-phone call. “Jeez. You’re the only person who gets this frigid when I call.”
“Thanks for the compliment,” I replied, wiping grime off of the pressure cooker with a sponge. My attention was focused more on cleaning than on her.
I’d hardly used this pressure cooker since my parents gave it to me, but now that Shinohara was coming over often, it was actually getting a decent amount of use. One could imagine the pressure cooker was happy too.
“Hey, are you still not done doing the dishes? I can’t hear you over the water sometimes.”
“Just a little longer.”
“Really? It’s taking you a lot longer than usual.” Her remark made me freeze up for a moment.
It was a bigger job tonight because I was cleaning things that had been used to make dessert for two, but I was too ashamed to tell Ayaka that.
“They built up because I was lazy around exam time. Someone who lives with her parents wouldn’t understand.”
“Don’t you make fun of me. I do basically all of the housework around here, even during exam week. Heck, I could even come over and help you with chores.”
I did appreciate the offer, but I wanted to avoid her and Shinohara running into each other as much as possible. Better I do the chores alone than having to walk on eggshells in my own home.
“No, thanks.”
“Really? And here I was about to come over,” she groaned, as if bored.
Most men would be happy to have someone like her at their place, but since those were the exact kind of guys she didn’t get close to, it was only natural that someone she was close to—me—would refuse.
Just then, an intrusive thought crossed my mind: If you really were close, you’d know her better.
We’d been friends since our first year of high school, and it was the winter of our second year in university now. I’d always thought that we spent a lot of quality time together. But Shinohara, a mere acquaintance, had mentioned that Ayaka was in the basketball club in middle school. There would’ve been plenty of opportunities for her to mention that. If there was so much about her that I didn’t know, then it might have been more accurate to say that she was hiding things, rather than never bothering to mention them.
Of course, that alone didn’t make me doubt our friendship. I hadn’t told her everything about Reina, either, so I understood that no level of friendship meant that you could, or had, to tell each other everything. But I couldn’t deny that it still made me a little sad. I knew it was a little arrogant to be sad that someone hadn’t told you everything when you hadn’t exactly opened up yourself. With any other friend, I would understand and not bother to bring it up. But this was Ayaka.
I believed in our friendship, so I braced myself and said, “Hey, Ayaka?”
“Hm?”
“You played basketball in middle school, right?”
I turned the faucet off. All the extra noise disappeared, and silence returned to my studio apartment.
Her answer didn’t come quickly. Since we were talking on the phone, it was hard to divine what the pause meant. “Who told you that?”
That tone of voice was something I’d never heard from her before. It wasn’t anger, and it wasn’t suspicion. Was it…fear?
Water dripped from the faucet, echoing like a cacophony in my ears.
“Is that not something I should’ve asked?” I stood in front of my phone and gazed down at the screen.
It was displaying Ayaka’s profile picture, a photo taken with a bunch of her circle members. The Ayaka in the picture had a big smile on her face, but the vulnerable voice coming from my phone was a far cry from that happy image.
“First off, no. It’s no big deal, or anything.”
This reply was unusually evasive for her. Had my question shaken her that badly? I could tell how she was feeling, to an extent, just by hearing her breathe. Just as she understood me, I could guess at her emotions. Even if I didn’t know her past, it still didn’t change the years we’d known each other. But not knowing her past did make me feel a little isolated. That was why I’d asked the question in the first place.
I shook my head. Maybe it was because we were such good friends that she’d hidden the truth. Otherwise, there’d be no reason for me not to know after five whole years of knowing each other.
“Hey, if you don’t want to talk about it…”
Then you don’t have to. Normally, I’d say that. Trying to probe too deeply into someone else’s life was a nuisance if they weren’t open to it.
It felt good when people shared their secrets with you, because you then knew something that others didn’t. That was why many people probed more than they should, trying to satisfy their need to be trusted. There were those who wanted to know, and there were those who genuinely wanted to help.
An intelligent person could tell the difference between the two, and Ayaka was intelligent.
In high school, boys often approached her under the guise of wanting advice. She could see their underlying motive of wanting to get closer to her, and so she would respond noncommittally.
When I saw that aloof look on her face as she tapped idly on her phone, younger me thought, Being fake doesn’t work on her. I should just be myself around Ayaka.
I wouldn’t be myself if I backed off now, because I genuinely wanted to learn more. I’d made up my mind to be genuine around her, so the best choice would be to just ask.
“If I don’t want to talk about it, then what?” she urged.
“Well. To be frank, I’d prefer if you did.”
“You’re so dumb.” After that, she shut her mouth.
The silence wasn’t overbearing. It was more like our usual vibe now. Judging the vibes to be within tolerable limits, I spoke again. “All I heard was that you played basketball, really. What was it like?” I avoided telling her that I’d heard it from Shinohara for now, especially because their relationship was clearly a dicey one.
“That’s a long conversation that I’ll save for another time.”
“Hey, that’s what people say when they don’t plan to say anything.”
“I will,” Ayaka rebutted instantly, shutting me up. Then, she sighed and slowly added, “I’ll tell you, so just wait and don’t pester me about it, okay?”
“Okay…”
Her forceful tone made it all too clear she wanted to drop the subject. But based on her response, my preconceived notion that she wouldn’t talk about her middle school days was gone. Of course I wouldn’t dredge things up out of nowhere: I felt like I could trust her claim that she’d tell me when she got a chance.
My best option now was to sit and wait. I wasn’t in a hurry, or anything. Her promise to let me in on the things she’d yet to reveal was satisfying enough to me. It wasn’t like we were dating, or anything. We were just friends. I appreciated that because if we didn’t want to answer questions the other asked, we didn’t have to. The promise itself seemed like a way of saying that we were closer than just ordinary friends.
My phone screen flashed, alerting me that its battery was running low. Ayaka didn’t seem to be in the mood for small talk anymore, either. I heard her doing some kind of work on her end.
“What got you asking?” she asked, between what sounded like her putting something away.
“Because I was curious, duh.”
“Okay… Good. I was worried you might say you were ‘thinking about what’s best for me’ or something.”
“Never. I know you don’t like that treatment, and I want to be real with you.”
Maybe there were girls out there who liked an overprotective man—once they were already in a relationship, of course—but Ayaka wasn’t one of them. It was important to be considerate, but consideration meant nothing to her if it wasn’t genuine.
Most of her daily life revolved around false consideration, and she returned it with ease. Part of me wanted to see her as a hypocrite for considering herself above it all despite how she went about life, but my empathy outweighed that urge.
I think it’s because she’s forced to be fake so often that she wants those closest to her to be genuine.
“That’s what I like about you.”
“Thanks.” I squirmed slightly at how direct she was being.
Noticing my reaction, she corrected herself, “Oh, as a person, I mean. But you knew that.”
“I know, yeah. You don’t have to say it. It’s almost irritating that you did. Y’know, maybe that’s why guys keep confessing their love to you all the time.”
Even if they didn’t mean it in that way, when someone of the opposite sex said they “like” something about you, you couldn’t help but perk up. Had all of her former male friends fallen for her because of similarly straightforward words?
“I don’t say things like that to anyone but you,” she added.
“Oh?”
“I’m not mean enough to say that to just anyone.”
To be fair, as someone who’s constantly turning down confessions, I doubt she would intentionally try and make someone fall for her.
“Okay, so why’d you say it to me?”
“I dunno. Maybe I just felt like it?” Ayaka cleared her throat. Was she feeling bashful for once? Unusual for her. “Anyway, see you at the party tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay. Just so you know, you’re the only person I know there. I’ll be fine once I get a little tipsy, but hang out with me until then, okay?” I was going to the party, but I was an outsider. It was hard to mingle with new people when you’re fully sober.
But Ayaka replied, “That won’t be necessary. You do know people there. All the girls who were at the Christmas mixer were in my circle, including that girl I gave your number to.”
“Oh, really? You think she’ll remember me? All we did was eat together.”
“For sure, for sure. She was really happy when she heard you were coming,” she said. In the end, we’d never met up or exchanged many messages, but hearing she was looking forward to seeing me did brighten me up. “Anyway, be excited. I’m sure it’ll be worth your while.”
“Yeah, I am. See you then.”
“Good night!” With her usual energy, she hung up.
Chapter 9: Drinking Party
Chapter 9:
Drinking Party
A LOT OF CIRCLES HAD DRINKING PARTIES after exams. Ayaka’s outdoorsman’s circle was among them, and they happened to throw a big one. I doubted many other circles would rent out a whole izakaya in front of a station just for a drinking party. I couldn’t help but get excited. This would be the biggest one I’d been to since my first year in university.
There were only about forty people in my basketball circle, and when we had a drinking party, not even ten of them would go. Meanwhile, Ayaka’s circle might as well be renamed the drunkard’s circle. It was already a large group, and they had a very high participation rate in drinking parties. Plus, they even let outsiders like me attend, so their numbers only ballooned even further from there. According to Ayaka, there were sixty people who were planning to come. Collecting payment from each and every person would be a hard task.
When I saw door curtains with the word Kaguya written on them, I stepped over the threshold and went in. I’d arrived at the venue ten minutes before the planned time, but there were already lots of people inside, so the place was already bustling.
There were six tables with sunken kotatsu seats, and plates had already been distributed across them. I removed my boots and put them in the shoe cupboard before walking onto the tatami mat.
“Ooh, you’re here!” a lively voice called out. I turned around and saw Ayaka waving at me.
“Yeah!” I replied, louder than usual so that she could hear me above the commotion. I headed over, and when I sat down next to her, she held out a hand toward me. “Hm?”
Do the people in this circle high-five when they sit down, or something?
I tried putting my hand on hers, but she acted surprised.
“Whoa, what’re you doing?”
“Oh. Sorry. I just assumed it was a circle thing or something,” I defended myself.
Ayaka giggled in understanding. “No, it’s not like that. I was offering to hang up your coat for you.”
“What the heck? So I’m supposed to be embarrassed now, huh?” I pushed her hand away and took my coat off. My palm started to burn a little bit.
When I handed my coat over, Ayaka nodded and got up. There was a place to hang coats a short distance away. I was unsure whether this was her being considerate or an elaborate prank.
“Yuuta, you and Aya-chan sure get along well!” the girl in front of me remarked. She was a petite woman with brown hair in a mushroom bob. Round eyes peeked out behind big, black-rimmed glasses. “It’s been a while!” she smiled.
This girl was one of the girls at the mixer, the only one I’d really hit it off with.
“Yeah, it has. You remember me?”
“Of course I do. It’s only been a month! My memory isn’t that bad, silly.”
“Heh, yeah, my bad.”
Her name was Yamanashi Natsuki. When I first heard it, I thought it was a pretty name. It was rare for me to think that, so I remembered it well. Especially with her surname being an uncommon kanji spelling.
Since she’d told me to call her whatever I wanted back at the mixer, I took her up on the offer and just called her Natsuki without any honorifics. It’d be harder to shift from calling her by her surname to her given name, but if I called her by her given name to begin with, then it was easier.
We’d only spent two hours together eating dinner, but I already considered her a friend. Maybe not a friend-friend, but the kind of person you’d say hello to when you saw them. In my experience, when someone at this level of friendship invited you out to karaoke, there was only about a twenty percent chance it would lead to anything. These kinds of people could even forget each other’s names, but Natsuki herself had remembered mine just fine.
Ayaka had mentioned last night that this girl was happy I was coming. I was kind of surprised that she’d liked me that much from just one mixer.
“What circles are you in, Yuuta-kun? You’re not in the outdoorsman’s circle, right?”
“I’m in a basketball circle…but I only go if I really feel like it.”
“Did you ghost them?”
“I’m not that awful.” Since I’d showed up just yesterday, I’d hopefully dispelled any suspicion of ghosting. Even leaving Toudou aside, I had a decent relationship with the other seniors there, so I was probably fine. It’d be seriously awkward to play games with them otherwise.
“Join ours! It’s totally okay to join midway through the year,” she offered. She presumably meant the outdoorsman’s circle.
“Hmm,” I pretended to think, but I shook my head in the end. “I’d love to, but it’s too big! Managing it all would be too much work.” I strung together insincere, yet diplomatic words. People would often invite me to join friends’ circles when I visited them, but I knew they weren’t serious.
“Aww, guess so,” Natsuki laughed in response and handed me a pair of chopsticks. She seemed to be no exception to the rule. “But Aya-chan’s gonna be the vice president next year. You’ve got connections, so you can get in if you want!”
“Ha ha ha, well, I’ll think about it.”
Vice president, huh? The seniors must have recommended her. Knowing Ayaka, they all love her.
“So, are you going to be the president?” I asked Natsuki.
She burst out laughing. “Me?! No, no, no, never! Do I seem presidential material?”
“How should I know? This is just our second time meeting.”
“Oh, c’mon, you didn’t get that sense from the first time?”
While we chatted, Ayaka came back to her seat. In her black sweater and necklace, she looked radiant even in a cheap bar. She carried a mug of beer in one hand.
“Sorry to interrupt your spirited conversation!” She placed a freshly poured beer in front of me. I looked around and saw beer mugs finding their way to every seat of the long table.
“Ooh. First drink’s gotta be beer, huh?” I laughed.
Natsuki pouted a little. “I always wonder, does it have to be beer first every single time? I don’t really like beer.”
“Yeah, I guess women aren’t as into beer as men are. Ayaka loves it, though,” I said.
Natsuki pulled her mug a little closer.
For someone who doesn’t like beer, this part must be kind of a pain.
As I thought to myself, Ayaka said, “Oh, about that! The upperclassmen say it’s out of consideration.”
“Huh? Consideration for what?” Natsuki shot back, as if to say they certainly weren’t being considerate toward her.
Ayaka smiled back and said, “When you get a grown-up job, you have to drink with your bosses, you know? If everyone orders what they want, it’ll take a long time for the drinks to come. You don’t want to make your bosses wait, so the first drink should be something that gets to everyone at once so you can get started right away. That’s how the beer tradition started.”
“Huh.”
Well, that sounds downright reasonable.
While I was genuinely impressed, Natsuki complained, “Then why not start with highballs instead?” Both of us had to agree she had a point.
I looked down at my watch. It was just before 7 p.m. Many of the other circle members who’d gotten here late were sitting at this table, indicating that it was almost time for the party to start.
I followed Ayaka’s line of sight and saw someone holding up a mug. When I asked if that was the president, she nodded back.
All eyes gathered on him.
“Okaaay… First off, congrats on exams, everyone!” he said.
Cheers of agreement rang out from all around. Ayaka put one hand up to her mouth and shouted as well. Her other hand was clutching her beer, of course.
“Now, no matter what your score ends up being, results come out next month. Tonight’s party marks the beginning of a long period of escapism.”
Everyone laughed at the speech. I liked the relaxed atmosphere here, where you could chuckle to yourself without anyone caring. No doubt drinking parties counted as a serious activity for this circle. This was where it differed from basketball circles, where drinking parties were side events at best.
Everyone waited, mug in hand for their signal to toast.
“Now, we third-years are retiring next month. I’d love to lead this toast, but I think it’s time to pass the torch to your next president.” The president surveyed the group, but nobody stood up. Or, more accurately, the nominee was nowhere to be found.
Natsuki raised her hand. “Tatsuki-saaan, your new prez seems to be abseeent!”
“Yeah, he said he was coming today!” The current president feigned exaggerated surprise, cleared his throat, and stood up straight again. “Okay, well, sounds like our next vice president will have to lead the toast! Aya-chan, if you’d please!”
Ayaka jumped in surprise. Anyone would, if their name was called out of the blue like that.
“What, me?! No way! You do it!” She waved a hand in frantic refusal, but other members of the circle egged her on.
It sounded like everyone here just called her Aya-chan.
Clearly outvoted, she timidly stood up. I could tell from how she was acting that she was in formal-Ayaka mode. I figured she could relax a little, given she was dealing with her own circle where she was well-liked, but it was a little too late to try to convince her.
“Umm… Well, everyone, I guess I’ll be leading the toast today, if that’s okay.”
“Too stiff, too stiff!” the president laughed.
Maybe she was being too formal for a drinking party with friends from university, but given the number of people in attendance, I couldn’t really blame her.
But the whole thing had apparently been a joke all along. “Sorryyy!” Ayaka smiled. I looked up at her next to me, impressed by how at-home she was here.
Since I was looking directly up at her, her chest was a major part of the view. Her breasts stood out through the black sweater, causing me to avert my eyes. Two emotions battled it out: the desire to look, and the guilt of betraying our friendship.
“Okay, everyone. Raise your mugs, please!” she called out. I shook off my dark urges and thrust my mug toward the ceiling. “Congrats on your exams! Cheers!” That last word echoed through the building all at once.
Mugs crossed and clanged above the table.
I toasted with Natsuki in front of me, the girl I didn’t know next to her, and then the guy sitting diagonally from me. Finally, I turned right to toast with Ayaka, who’d just finished her speech.
She had tons of mugs left in front of her. Some people had even come from other tables just to toast with her. She peacefully handled them one by one until she finally noticed mine.
“Hey everyone, sorry, I need a second.” Then, she lowered her mug to my eye level. “Here. Cheers.” Ayaka smiled and waited for me.
I smirked back and clinked my mug against hers.
“Cheers!”
Thus, the party had begun.
***
Once most of the food had been set out, everyone took their glasses and freely mingled between tables. Despite sitting next to me earlier, Ayaka had moved seats to another group that had asked her to come hang out.
It was perfectly natural to want the pretty girl to sit next to you, but the number of people calling for Ayaka to visit them exceeded my expectations. She was incredible. While I say she had a problematic personality, that didn’t mean she didn’t do well for herself. The sight before me now was proof of the many relationships she’d put real work into cultivating. She probably didn’t consider it “work,” but from my perspective, there was obviously a great effort involved, so I was happy to see her having fun talking with different groups of people.
“Hey, Yuuta? You’re staring at Aya-chan a little too much, no?”
A hand waved in my field of view. I blinked a couple of times. In front of me, Natsuki looked a little unhappy.
“Was I?”
“You were totally staring. You didn’t even react when I came back to my seat. It was kinda creepy.”
Oh, right. She went to the bathroom, didn’t she? Whenever I drank, people’s bathroom breaks started to seem startlingly short.
“She’s so pretty though, right? I understand why people want to stop and stare sometimes.” Idly shaking her highball, Natsuki continued, “And she’s got such a cute face and nice skin. God’s unfair, giving some people so many advantages from birth.”
“For real. She got a ton of ’em, too.”
“You don’t see a lot of girls as pretty as her, even in university. Our circle considers attractiveness as a factor for letting people in, so we have a lot of pretty girls, but I think she’s ahead by a lot. I know it’s subjective, but still.”
Even among pretty girls, Ayaka definitely stood out. Natsuki’s opinion wasn’t wrong.
I remembered how Shinohara stood out in a group as well.
Gotta say, it’s some luck that I’ve been able to build friendships with so many beautiful women.
There was something more concerning that Natsuki had said, though.
“You use attractiveness to determine if people get in? For real? This circle is scary.” I acted a little put off, prompting a peal laughter from her.
She’d complimented Ayaka before, but her smile was so friendly—thanks in part to the alcohol—that I knew she had to be popular with guys herself. Now that I looked around more closely, I noticed that all of the women here were pretty. She wasn’t joking about selecting for looks.
“Our circle is popular. Lots of girls from the nearby girls-only university come, too.”
“Huh,” I replied briefly.
Natsuki tilted her head. “Do you have an issue with that, Yuuta-kun?”
I dunno. It’s not bad enough for me to outright say I dislike it, but I guess you could say I’m not a big fan.
I wasn’t sure, and I was hesitant to give an answer based off of my kneejerk reaction, so I changed the subject by saying, “Just Yuuta is fine.”
Natsuki nodded back. “Okay, Yuuta. By the way, I think Aya-chan feels the same way as you.”
“Why’s that?”
Ayaka was going to be the next vice president. That was a big part of why I’d chosen not to find fault with this circle despite my feelings just now.
“Most people who try to join this circle did so without knowing that. Aya didn’t learn about it until later, and when she did, she was really mad.”
“Wow, that’s rare.”
“Is it?” Natsuki looked surprised.
It wasn’t rare when she was with me, but if she’d made an angry face in front of others, she must’ve hated it.
“It’s ironic because she benefited from it the most.” Natsuki’s ears were bright pink. I could tell she was really drunk by now. When she realized what she’d just said, she got flustered. “Sorry! I didn’t—”
“It’s okay. I’m sure you’re not the only one who thinks that sometimes.”
Ayaka herself probably wouldn’t blame people for thinking so. Though she wouldn’t take too kindly to a friend from her circle, one she’d shared meals with, saying it.
Preferring not to make a scene at a drinking party, I brushed off Natsuki’s slip of the tongue.
But she was still clearly uneasy about my attitude, so she added, “I mean it. Aya-chan’s a really good person, for real.”
Was she afraid of me telling Ayaka? Girls sure have it rough, I started to think to myself, but the same thing would probably happen if they were both guys.
“Don’t worry, I’m not telling her. Everyone’s tipsy, anyway,” I assured her, though I did wonder how Ayaka might react if the roles were reversed. If someone had said something mean about me, would she get mad for my sake?
“By the way…” Natsuki tried changing the subject. I just nodded along and let her. “Are you and Aya-chan going out?”
Ayaka again?! I groaned inwardly, but she seemed genuinely curious.
I answered honestly, “No. People ask sometimes, but we’ve never been like that.”
“Wow, really! I bet if you had a girlfriend, she’d be all jealous.”
“I don’t have one, so it isn’t a problem yet.”
“Did she get jealous when you had one before, though?”
She’s getting awfully invasive here. I was surprised—last time we talked, we’d just discussed manga and other media.
Apparently no longer interested in continuing the conversation, she put some nankotsu and Atka mackerel on my empty plate and said, “This place’s nankotsu is so good!”
After thanking her, I reached for more beer to drink.
“You still haven’t finished your glass.”
“It’s cool. I can double-fist.”
I held my drink well, so I’d be fine. There was a strange guy passed out on the table next to me, but I was confident I wouldn’t faint after just one hour of drinking.
“You sure drink a lot,” she said with a measure of surprise.
In this day and age, a guy who drank a lot and smoked lost a bit of universal appeal. I didn’t know if the women in this circle shared that view, but I opted to curtail my smoking tonight. Though I did have to wonder who I thought I was trying to look good for.
My pants pocket vibrated, so I took out my phone. Shinohara had sent me a message.
Senpai, when are you coming home tonight? I’m nearby right now.
I checked my watch: 8 p.m. I’d been told that I could hang out for four hours, so I still had two left in me.
I’ll be back on the last train tonight, so go home.
When I sent that, a reply came near-instantly. What do you mean, “go home”?! What the heck?!
I smiled a little. Natsuki noticed this and pressed me, “It’s a girl, isn’t it?”
“Is that what you think?”
“Has to be it. I can tell!”
I wanted to ask what made her so sure, but she was right, and it made me mad that I couldn’t prove otherwise. Now that I thought about it, it was bad manners of me to text when I was talking to someone face-to-face.
“Sorry for using my phone at the table.”
“Hm? It’s okay. I don’t care about that!”
“How forgiving. Thank you!”
“Ha ha! Yes, I certainly am!” Natsuki jokingly puffed out her chest.
My phone went off again. I’d expected it to be Shinohara, but it wasn’t. There was an incoming call this time.
“Whoa, sorry, phone call. I’ll step outside.”
“Wow, look at mister popular! Okay. It’s about time to switch seats, but I’ll wait for you here.”
“Oh, really? Thanks.”
They switch seats here? Maybe that was necessary to foster interaction in a circle this big. But Natsuki had said she’d stay there for me, so it sounded like it wasn’t compulsory. This is shaping up to be a nice party, I thought to myself as I got up.
I stepped out of the izakaya and checked my still-vibrating phone. It was an unregistered number, but a familiar one.
Feeling a flutter in my chest, I answered, “Hello? Hasegawa speaking.”
“Hello, Yuuta-kun.”
I recognized that silky smooth voice, perhaps too well. It dredged up a whole bunch of bad memories in my head.
“Reina…”
The caller was none other than my ex-girlfriend, Aisaka Reina.
***
“What do you want?” I spoke in a sharp tone that didn’t fit the lively atmosphere of the izakaya at all.
What more could possibly be said between us? Even when I went shopping with Ayaka and ran into Reina, we ended up parting ways without saying much of anything…though the way she’d said “see you” had lingered in my mind.
“Sorry for calling out of nowhere.”
“It’s fine. Been a while since you last rang.”
“Yeah. I figured you might’ve blocked me on LINE, so…”
“No…” I’d thought about it after we broke up, but I decided that it would probably be childish, because why would she contact me anyway? Right now, though, I wondered if setting a firm boundary like that would be necessary to move on.
“Are you busy?” she asked, probably hearing the commotion in the joint behind me.
“Just at a drinking party with a friend’s circle. If you need something, make it quick, please.”
There was a pause. I idly listened to the commotion from outside the door.
“Okay. Like I said when we ran into each other recently, I was wondering if we could meet up some time.”
So that wasn’t just you being polite? I swallowed the words before they could leave my mouth. It wasn’t the time to fight. I just wanted to get this call over with as quickly and painlessly as possible.
“No, thank you.”
“Why?”
Why? What do you mean, why?
That was the last thing I’d expected her to ask. I glared at my phone screen. Would she not get it unless I painstakingly spelled it out for her?
“Yuuta-kun?”
I seriously considered just hanging up. As I hesitated over how to respond, the door opened behind me. Ayaka had come to check up on me.
“Hey, there you are—oh, are you on the phone? Sorry.”
“You’re fine,” I reassured her.
“Is that your girlfriend?” Reina’s question gave me an idea of what she was thinking. She probably thought we’d put her cheating behind us—that we were a blank slate now. Maybe her question just now had no ulterior motive beyond pure curiosity. It was just my imagination, but it was what I believed nonetheless. While I stayed quiet, she asked another question, “Have you been busy lately?”
“Not really. I just go to my circle sometimes.”
“Okay. Same as always, huh?”
Same as always. We’d been together long enough for her to say something like that. I was starting to think this would go on forever unless I cut her off now. But even now, talking with her made my heart flutter.
I frowned a little.
Why was I letting this call go on for so long? I’d already decided that thinking about Reina would lead to nothing good. Was there something I wanted to talk about? Something I wanted to ask? Or just…
I half-forced myself to say, “What does it matter to you? Don’t call me again.” The voices in the izakaya grew louder, as if resonating with the stifled emotions in my voice.
Reina gasped on the other end of the call. “Oh…” Given the long pause, it was a short reply.
There was nothing left to say. Having decided that, I moved my thumb toward the “hang up” button, hoping to blot out the emotions passing through my mind.
As I pressed it, I heard her say, “I didn’t cheat on you, okay?”
My eyes went wide as the call ended.
What did she just say? It sounded like she said she didn’t cheat. She was holding hands with another man at my house. If that isn’t cheating, what is it? What, did she get a job as a pretend girlfriend, or something?
“What was that?” Ayaka asked, concerned. “Just now.”
“Don’t ask, please.”
No way am I making her worry about me just because of that conversation with Reina.
There should have been no way for her to know that I was talking with my ex just now, but it’d be obvious to anyone that I was in an argument. I was at least self-aware enough to know how I looked right now.
“Okay…I won’t, then.”
Mad at myself for making her uncomfortable, I bit my lip. But she patted me on the shoulder and added, “Either go home and rest, or drink and blow off some steam. If you’re going home now, I’ll pay your share for tonight.”
I gazed at her in surprise. There was a genuinely kind look on her face.
I pondered for a moment, but eventually said, “I choose drinking.”
Frankly, I doubted drinking would help me release all of my pent-up emotions, but I’d feel even worse if I let Reina ruin this experience that Ayaka had kindly made for me.
She smiled at my response.
When we went back through the curtains into the izakaya, the circle members’ voices had gotten louder. Everyone had just finished moving seats.
“I think I’ll move to the seat next to you,” Ayaka said. “You were lonely, weren’t you?”
“Don’t be silly. I was having tons of fun.”
“I wondeeer…” She smirked and walked toward the seat she’d been at.
When she took her glass, the people around her lamented, “Nooo, you’re leaving?!”
She apologized with a smile and moved to an empty seat. Then, she turned alongside Natsuki and waved to me.
“On my way!” I called out.
There were a lot of people here, so every part of the izakaya was filled with laughter and cheer. I wrapped myself in that noise like a warm, comforting blanket.
Chapter 10: Staying the Night
Chapter 10:
Staying the Night
I RETURNED HOME THROUGH THE RANDOMLY flickering streetlights and flopped down on my couch.
There was karaoke at the after-party, but I’d passed on that. Everyone was so nice to me there—maybe because Ayaka had invited me—but that was unrelated to my decision to split early.
Ayaka, Natsuki, and the other circle members at that last table showed me a great time. It was a great party. The alcohol had made me bolder too, so I stopped caring about pretense and all. That was what made it so easy to make friends at drinking parties.
“Senpaaai, laundry’s almost done. You’ve been neglecting it for a while, huh?”
“Thanks.”
Despite my telling her to go home, Shinohara was still here. She’d spent most of the evening killing time at a nearby convenience store.
They’d apparently gotten a bunch of new magazine issues today, so time had passed in the blink of an eye for her. Now I was relaxing while she did the laundry for me, but with each passing minute, the drunkenness made my head feel heavier and heavier.
When I finally heard Shinohara leaving the kitchen, I opened one eye slightly.
“Pow!” she said. Something audibly smacked my cheek.
I felt a cold palm on it and realized that Shinohara had slapped me.
“Oww…”
“Oof, you’re really not feeling good, are you? You’d normally get super mad at me right now.” She rubbed my cheek and smiled. “You’re drunk.”
“Brilliant deduction, Sherlock…” I rolled over away from her, but she kept her hand on my face. I could feel her getting closer, so no doubt she was inches away from me now.
Ugh, I really am drunk, my heavy brain thought as I realized I’d closed my eye again.
Despite my earlier argument with Reina, feeling Shinohara’s cold hand on my face kept my mind safe from painful memories.
“Senpai?”
“That feels nice.”
“Oh, yeah. I was just washing the dishes. That’s why my hand is cold.”
It occurred to me that she hadn’t eaten here today, which meant she was only washing dishes that I had made. She must’ve seen how drunk I was, realized I’d be neglecting housework again, and decided to do it all for me.
“Thank you.”
Shinohara burst out laughing. “This is just the usual. If you’re that grateful, you’d better start saying it every day.”
“I usually just let you off easy by not charging you rent…”
“Jeez, I get it, already.” She pinched my cheek a little and then lightly stroked the same spot.
There were a few seconds of silence—not awkward, but comforting silence.
“Are you staying the night?” I asked without thinking. Was it because of how drunk I was, or had part of me always wanted this?
Upon my proposal, she looked at me in surprise.
It didn’t take her very long to give me an answer.
“I didn’t bring a change of clothes. If you don’t mind…”
***
“You know, I actually find it weirder how you’ve always kicked me out right before the last train home,” Shinohara grumbled as she rummaged through my dresser.
I was the one who’d told her to find some clothes she could wear, but the sight of my clothes piling up made me a little anxious.
She noticed this and smiled at me. “Don’t worry, I’ll fold them and put them back just right. You had them stuffed in there all willy-nilly, so all the more reason to take them out now.”
“Oh, okay.” I rolled over in bed, relieved. In that case, she could make all the mess she wanted.
I was almost tempted to tell her to throw everything out so she could organize it all for me. It was a selfish thought, but I was too languid from intoxication to get up and help anyway.
“Can I borrow one of these?” she asked right after I’d rolled over, so I reluctantly sat back up. Pinched between her fingers was a jersey I used at my basketball circle.
“Sure. Sorry I don’t have any women’s stuff.”
“I’d be weirded out if you did!” Her response made me mentally reconfirm that Reina had, in fact, taken all of her things.
I still hadn’t organized my entire dresser since the breakup, so I remained anxious, but based on Shinohara’s reactions so far, it seemed to be fine.
I often checked the closet, but my memory of the dresser was less clear.
“You don’t have a girlfriend or anything, do you? Since I’m staying the night…”
“Not right now, nope. You’re in the clear.”
Shinohara paused in the middle of folding laundry, seemingly reacting to the phrase “right now.” I still hadn’t told her that I’d had a girlfriend not too long ago.
We’d talked about our views on love and all, but I hadn’t mentioned my history with Reina even once. I wanted to avoid talking about her as much as possible to people not in the know. But her phone call from earlier was bringing so many vivid memories back to the surface, and it was getting a little difficult to deal with it all on my own. Maybe that was why I’d gone out of my way to imply that I’d had a girlfriend before—I must have subconsciously wanted her to notice.
“We broke up recently,” I explained. Telling someone who didn’t know about Reina took a lot of effort for me, even now.
If not for that call earlier, and if it wasn’t Shinohara I was talking to, I probably wouldn’t have brought it up. That made today special. The stars had aligned perfectly.
“How long did you date?” she asked casually, as if she was just trying to make small talk while she did my chores for me.
“About a year, maybe.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“A year is a pretty long time, isn’t it?”
“Pretty normal, I think.”
High-school couples would break up in one to three months, but in university, that was considered a short time. A year seemed average to me.
Shinohara puffed up her cheeks in response. “Well, my last relationship lasted three months.”
“Yeah, but that’s you.”
“Hey! I take offense to that!”
“Don’t. It just came out wrong.” I rolled over to try and distance myself from her shouting.
Talking about Reina had lightened the burden on me a little bit. She didn’t press me about it as much as I’d expected, either, which was a relief.
Dealing with this alone might have been painful, but I’d always thought that dwelling on my past by talking to others would be worse. Relief overcame intoxication, and I started to get very sleepy. I didn’t fight it. I just let go of consciousness.
***
The sound of the bath door closing made me open my heavy eyes. My drunk headache had gotten a little better, but I still didn’t have it in me to get up. When I took out my phone to check the time, it was 2 a.m. I’d only slept two hours.
I turned toward the hallway and saw Shinohara in my jersey with an apologetic look on her face.
“Did I wake you up?” she asked. The scent of a fresh bath wafted down the hall. It amazed me how good my shampoo suddenly smelled. “Senpai?”
“I was asleep.”
“I know. Did you not hear what I just said?”
I sat up, feeling even more lethargic. It felt like I’d dreamed so much in so little time, but maybe it only felt that way because of my tendency to remember the last dream I had before I woke up.
“Are you okay? Maybe you need some water.”
“I’m fine.” I went to bed and fell right into it. A normal guy would be going insane over the idea of a girl like Shinohara wearing his clothes. She was so vulnerable, and in a drunk man’s home at that, but even these joys meant nothing to me when I thought about how crappy I’d feel in the morning.
Shinohara seemed a little unsatisfied with my lack of reaction. “Isn’t there anything you want to say?”
“Like what?”
“It might not be my place to say, but—”
“But I’m a lucky guy for having such a cute girl in my home wearing my clothes, right? I know, I know. Thanks for the treat, and good night.” With that, I put my blanket over my face so the light couldn’t get into my eyes. However, the blanket was quickly pulled away. “Stop, it’s too bright. I’m dying. I’m actually a vampire, so—”
“It’s nighttime, so you vampires should be just fine. Don’t be silly.” Shinohara huffed angrily and pressed something cold against my forehead.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a drink that helps with hangovers. I just bought it at the convenience store.”
“It’s dangerous for girls to go out this late at night.”
“You say that, but you made me go out late at night before. Do you even hear yourself?” She laughed and set the medicine down next to me.
I quaffed it down all at once, hoping to prevent a hangover, and threw the empty bottle into the trash.
“Tastes awful,” I groaned.
“Good medicine always tastes bitter.”
“True. Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
It was only then that I got a good look at her face for the first time. I’d missed it before because of how distracting her wearing my clothes was, but right now, she wasn’t wearing any makeup.
There was another reason that I hadn’t noticed it until now, though.
“You’re really pretty, even without any makeup.”
“One hundred points for you. Girls like that compliment.”
I laughed at her powerful thumbs-up. “So what would zero points be then?”
“That would be saying that I look better without makeup.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because if someone tells you that, then you don’t know why you’re using makeup anymore. The whole point is to try to make yourself prettier, after all.” The passionate way she talked about it was proof that she’d heard that line a few times. I wasn’t trying to pass any test, but it seemed I had anyway. “Sometimes, when you go to training camps together, people say you look better without! But they don’t! Get it! At all!”
“Whoa. There, there. Calm down, buddy.”
“We spend a lot of money on expensive makeup! And those people—”
I covered her mouth with my hand. She tried to talk through it, but when I pointed at the clock, she stopped. I finally let her go.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t lose my cool in the middle of the night.”
“What are you, nuts?”
“That reaction should tell you just how counterproductive that ‘compliment’ is.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get you to bed.” I’d already gotten it right, so I didn’t need this whole lecture. Besides, this would be my second time hearing it.
I remembered Ayaka giving me the same spiel a year ago. The person saying it might have thought it was the ultimate compliment, but the receiver would always end up taking it poorly. It was a good example of the fact that compliments could be meaningless if you didn’t choose your words carefully.
“If you understand that it’s meant as a compliment, then you should just let it be.” I tried defending men all the world over.
Shinohara laughed. “I’m not actually mad or anything. I just got a little passionate.”
“Yeah. Well, don’t take offense from it.”
“It depends on the person. I’d be fine if it was you.”
“Oh, really? How sweet.”
“Don’t say it so deadpan. Keep that up, and I’m not cooking for you tomorrow.”
Now that would be a problem. I was probably going to wake up feeling horrendous, so I actually needed someone to cook for me. Even with the hangover medicine, getting up in the morning was always difficult.
“Sorry. I’m sorry.”
“How selfish. You disgust me.” Shinohara huffed and jumped onto the couch.
“You don’t need to do skin care, or anything?”
“I did the bare minimum, but I only saw men’s products around your sink. You sure you’ve had a girlfriend before?”
“I made her take all of her stuff. Don’t want my ex’s things sitting around.”
I had lotion and stuff, but no face masks. Maybe guys with more aesthetic sensibilities would have all that, but I was not one of them. I washed my face, and the rest of my skin care was slapdash at best.
Shinohara yawned, reached over from the couch to grab a towel, and wrapped it around herself.
“Not gonna dry your hair?”
“I can let it dry normally. Hairdryers are too loud for nighttime.” She was probably being considerate toward my neighbors. I was surprised to hear something like that coming from her, given her loudness mere moments ago, but her attitude was laudable nonetheless.
“Fantastic news! My hairdryer is one of those fancy ones that barely makes any noise.”
“Really?”
“Really, really.”
She jumped up and ran back to the bathroom. A woman’s hair was her life, or so they said, so I was sure she was reluctant to potentially damage her hair by air-drying it.
Though this was an apartment, the walls were still thick, so she didn’t have to be too worried. When I heard the clear sound coming from the bathroom, I patted myself on the back for having bought the expensive model.
Realizing that she probably didn’t know where the lotion was, I followed her to let her know. When I opened the door, I saw Shinohara with her phone, leaning against the sink, watching a video while she dried her hair.
Seeing her so relaxed in my bathroom made my heart skip a beat.
“There’s lotion in the top shelf. You haven’t used it, have you?” I said as flatly as possible in an effort to conceal my feelings.
“Oh!” She jumped in surprise. “Senpai, you startled me. It’s the dead of night, so warn me before you barge in, please.”
“Scared of ghosts?”
“What kind of person isn’t? I understand believing in them or not, but I don’t think anyone would see a ghost and say, ‘Yep, not worried about that.’”
I agreed with her, but her superstition was starting to make me feel mischievous.
“I can sense the supernatural, y’know.”
“Huh? Really?” She stopped the hairdryer and looked up at me. I couldn’t tell if she was done drying off, or if she was too focused on our conversation to continue.
“I’ve been keeping it a secret, but if there’s a ghost or something behind me, I can tell.”
“You’re drunk, aren’t you?” She glared at me suspiciously.
There was no doubt I that I was drunk, but if I was going to mess with her, I wanted her to believe me. I thought back to an article I’d read online and continued, “When I was in third grade, at a public bath in my neighborhood…”
“I’m tapping out! Good night!” She ran out of the bathroom, jumped into my bed, pulled the blanket over her head, and curled up into a ball.
I didn’t mind letting her use my bed since she was my guest, but the way she jumped into it without hesitation showed that she really hated ghost stories.
“You tapped out real fast,” I sighed.
She poked her head out from under the blanket. Her big eyes shot lasers right at me. “I can’t do it. You’re too mean. Seriously, keep that up, and you’re not getting my cooking.”
“Okay, sorry, sorry. Yes, I’m drunk, and I was lying.”
“Of course. Ghosts aren’t real, after all! People in the olden days just thought they were real because of the simulacra phenomenon. You know, the one that makes it so that when you see three dots, you can imagine a face. That’s the truth behind ghosts!”
I ignored her ranting and hauled a futon out of the closet. I’d bought two futons when I started living alone, thinking the second would come in handy when I got a girlfriend or had friends staying over. Unfortunately, it hadn’t seen much use.
Reina had stayed over sometimes, but I almost never had friends sleep over. I just didn’t like having people sleep here. Ayaka knew that too, so she only ever came over during the day.
Shinohara was the strange one for always hanging out here. For some reason, I was okay with that, but I didn’t know why. Maybe we just got along especially well.
While I gathered up the futon, she stood up. “Oh, Senpai, let me help you out.”
“It’s okay. This is mine, anyway.”
“Huh? You’ll let me sleep in your bed?”
“It’s a pretty nice futon, you know.”
If she was staying over, then I’d like to let her sleep somewhere comfortable. Sometimes, even I wanted to show off how good of a senior I was. Her surprise was enough to make me smile.
She’d only jumped into my bed to get away from the ghost story. Apparently, she hadn’t expected to actually sleep there.
“You can change the sheets, if you want,” I offered.
“No, I don’t wanna make more laundry. This is fine, anyway. Are you really sure?”
“Yep. No skin off my back.” I laid out the futon and settled in. It still wasn’t far from my bed, but this was the best I could do in my shoddy studio apartment.
When I turned the light off, most of the room was covered in shadow. Moonlight filtered between the curtains, lighting up the room in sparse strands.
“Good night,” I said. I felt as if Shinohara was smiling back.
“Yeah. Good night.”
When I closed my eyes, I heard her shuffle in bed a little. She could probably notice every little time I moved too. The silence that had fallen upon us reminded me that we were all alone. I squeezed my eyes shut harder to try and ignore it.
“You’re kinda far away, aren’t you?” Her muffled voice made me open my eyes again. It must’ve been muffled by the blanket. Oddly, she sounded so distant.
“Not really? Only about two meters.” My voice cracked a little. Was it the alcohol hurting my throat, or was I nervous because of this unfamiliar situation?
You’d be right if you said it was stupid to be nervous right now, but this felt very different from when I’d slept with my girlfriend.
I waited a little. Shinohara didn’t respond. The faint ticking of my clock echoed unpleasantly in the silence. I regretted not getting a digital one.
If she’s already asleep, then she’s the boldest woman I’ve ever met. No matter how much she trusted me, I still felt like she was being too vulnerable. I’d much rather fall asleep than spend the whole night thinking about all of this, but the more I tried to sleep, the more my brain revved up.
I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling resentfully.
“Nope. Can’t sleep,” I groaned.
No reply.
“Shinohara?” I said her name one last time. If she wasn’t awake, I’d just have to scroll on my phone. That would obviously just wake me up more, so I wanted to avoid it if at all possible.
Lucky me, though, I heard the sheets rustle.
“I was finally falling asleep,” she complained. Her voice was a little coarser than usual, since I’d just dragged her back from the precipice of sleep. I had to apologize.
“Oh, sorry.”
She fidgeted for a little bit but eventually settled. I couldn’t hear her breathing, so I wasn’t sure if she was asleep, but I finally realized how stupid it’d be to wake her up because I was bored.
With a sigh, I gave up and took my phone out of my pocket.
“Wanna sleep together?”
“Huh?” I gasped dumbly, unable to comprehend the words I’d just heard.
“It’s okay. You can sleep in the bed with me.”
Finally understanding, I turned over to face away from the bed. “You can’t share a bed with an older guy you’re not dating.”
“Great principle. Okay, then go to sleep.”
“I can’t.”
“Then come over here.”
I heard her sit up. We were in the dark, but I could almost sense her looking at my back.
I’d normally refuse without another thought, but I had a reason to hesitate: I wasn’t used to the futon, so it was really hard to fall asleep. Even then, that felt like an excuse. The irresistible allure in her offer was what had put that excuse in my head to begin with.
Her voice in the dark seemed sensual, no matter how often I tried to ignore it. I got out of the futon and managed to stumble over to the bed in the darkness.
Apparently able to see me, she took my hand and urged me next to her. “Here you go.” When I sat down, her scent felt closer than ever. A sweet smell, unbefitting of my own bed, tickled my nose. “I’ll go closer to the wall. Don’t kick me in my sleep, please.”
“I’m not that bad of a sleeper,” I protested. I thought I saw a smile in the dark. Finally, my eyes adjusted, and I saw her face better.
“Good.” She scooted her hips over to the wall and put her head down on the pillow. I put the pillow I’d brought next to it and slowly laid down.
Though my back was to her, I could still feel every breath of hers from just a couple dozen centimeters away. I’d thought this would make it even harder to sleep, but something about this configuration was so fulfilling that I didn’t mind it at all.
Eventually, I stopped hearing the sound of the clock. The sounds of pillow and hair rubbing together stopped too. This mutual silence continued for a while, but from the lack of regular breathing, I could tell that she still wasn’t asleep.
I opened my eyes and stared vacantly into the empty darkness until she finally spoke.
“You’re such an upright guy, Senpai.” Her words were vague, but I had a feeling I knew what she meant.
“A really upright guy wouldn’t let a girl he isn’t dating sleep over at his house, though.”
“True.”
“You’re not supposed to agree!” I joked, easing the tension a little.
Drip drip.
Rain started to fall, smacking audibly against the ground.
Unable to sleep, I kept staring into empty space. As I felt my eyes get more used to the darkness, the light in the room visibly faded. Clouds must have covered the moon.
My eyes remained open for a while, but I eventually got bored.
“Senpai.”
“Hm?”
“Why did you and your ex break up?”
I felt a little regret in telling her about my ex.
Reina was in the past now.
If only we hadn’t run into each other at the mall. If only she hadn’t called me. She would’ve sunk into the depths of my memories and eroded away. I didn’t want to be reminded of her by talking about this again.
Besides, spending time and effort on a problem that couldn’t be solved was a waste of time. I felt stronger about that now that I was starting to sober up.
Essentially, I had nothing to tell her.
“I can tell from how you’ve acted that you don’t like sharing this intimate stuff, so even if it was just because of the alcohol, I’m happy for what you did tell me.”
“Happy? Why?”
“Why? What do you mean, ‘why’?” She repeated it as if she thought I was being ridiculous, but since I truly was confused, I stayed silent, expecting an answer. “Because it makes me feel like you trust me.”
I mentally repeated the word trust. Believing in someone, relying on them. I knew what it meant, but I had to think about it a little because trust wasn’t a conscious action. Frankly, I didn’t mean it that way at all. Reina was just too much to handle alone, and drunkenness had caused the dam to leak a little.
“I saw part of you that you don’t let others see,” she added.
Those words reminded me of Ayaka. The fact that I knew a side of her that nobody else knew could be called a sign of trust, and it’d be a lie to say it didn’t make me happy.
In that sense, maybe I did trust Shinohara. I couldn’t disagree with her interpretation of my vulnerability as a sign of trust.
“Maybe,” I replied. She sat up and looked down at me. I could only see her face slightly, but it gazed directly at mine.
“I was thinking I shouldn’t ask about it too much, but it’s really on my mind.” Her serious tone of voice hinted at the coming question. “Did something happen with her today?”
I fell silent, and the pitter-patter of rain on the window got even more noticeable. I imagined the winter night’s rain was especially cold.
The moonlight shining in before was now being blocked out by clouds, making it impossible to see her face.
This silence would be answer enough for her.
“Can you not trust me, after all?”
“That’s not a fair way to word it. Trusting you and telling you something are two different things.”
I didn’t want to talk about it because I wanted to forget about Reina, and I didn’t think telling Shinohara would help either of us. It was a problem that could only be solved by my own personal growth. It had nothing to do with how much I trusted her.
They were two totally unrelated matters.
“If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t let you stay in my home,” I said bluntly. She didn’t answer, so I looked up to the ceiling and continued, “Do you spill everything to people just because you trust them? Me, for example.”
Maybe this analogy was too vain. But she’d kept coming to my house for days, and that had resulted in her staying tonight. I doubted she could honestly say she didn’t trust me. I knew that this observation might have been too one-sided and optimistic, so I was relieved that she didn’t disagree.
“You’re right. I feel the same way too.” She spoke slowly, as if wringing words out through gritted teeth. “Trusting someone and telling them your deepest secrets aren’t the same.”
Apparently convinced, she lay back down. I couldn’t see her, but I could tell she had her back to me.
“I’m just happy to have learned something,” she said. “Everyone makes the same distinction you do, I think.”
“That’s just how I am. I dunno about anyone else.”
“Everyone must. I do too.” She sighed and added, “There are things I don’t want to tell you, either.”
Was she talking about Ayaka, or something related to Ayaka? Or something totally different?
In hypothesizing, I realized something: The desire for people to tell you things stemmed from you caring about them. That must be how Shinohara felt just now too.
“I’ve decided,” she suddenly said.
“On?”
“I’m going to make you like me more.”
Her sudden declaration took me aback. “Wh-what are you going on about now?”
“I mean, it’s frustrating how we’re together all the time but you won’t tell me things. I want the kind of relationship that makes you want to tell me naturally.”
I felt her turn toward me again. She was close enough for me to feel her breath.
“Good night, Senpai.” Her arm gently reached around my waist.
A modest embrace, a soft touch. The smell of shampoo wafted from her neck and into my nose.
There was real warmth there. The embrace continued for a while until she finally took her hand off my waist.
“Ha ha! My heart was racing.”
“You’re the one who did it, though.” I tried to sound firm so she wouldn’t know how nervous I was.
“I mean… It was my first time.”
“Doing what?”
“That’s a secret!” Shinohara snatched the blanket away and wrapped herself up in it.
“Hey, I’m cold! Gimme that back!”
She giggled and buried her face in it. I resigned myself, took the blanket from the futon I’d put down to sleep on earlier, and brought it to bed.
From today on, she’d only interfere in my daily life more. We’d only known each other for a month, but she had already dug her roots so deeply into my life that I couldn’t get her out of my mind. The thought of our relationship progressing further kind of excited me.
“Well, good night,” I said.
No reply.
I could hear her soft breathing from a few centimeters away.
“Man. Conks out in no time.” I laughed to myself and scooched away a little.
Tonight, I wouldn’t need to dredge up the past. Thinking of my new everyday life, I closed my eyes.
Epilogue
Epilogue
“DRINKING PARTY TOMORROW. WANNA COME?” Ayaka’s voice rang out over the phone.
A whole week after the end-of-exams party, she’d suddenly called me late at night. It was a sudden invitation, so I hesitated to answer.
“This is sudden. Why so urgent?” I stopped. My fingers were dug deep in a pack of cigarettes. Looking back, she’d encouraged me to quit smoking.
“Natsuki wanted me to invite you. The girls from the Christmas mixer are coming too, so I thought it’d be good for you.” Those words made me feel emotional. I didn’t think so much could come from just one mixer. “What’s up? Cat got your tongue?”
“No, I’m just thinking…Christmas time wasn’t all bad, after all.”
“What?” She laughed to herself. “That mixer was a total bust! Not a good memory for me, as organizer. But there’d be riots if a man complained about a Christmas where he got to meet four cute girls, huh?”
“Four?” I raised an eyebrow. There had been only three girls, apart from Ayaka, at the mixer.
As I wondered who the fourth was supposed to be, she groaned and said, “Did you forget? You ran into that Santa girl too, remember?”
“Oooh, right.” I hadn’t expected her to mention Shinohara, so the possibility had totally slipped my mind.
Indeed, I’d met Shinohara around Christmas. It was the day after I’d broken up with Reina, while I walked through the shadows of the Christmas lights and cursed my single life.
But once all was said and done, I’d come out of the holiday season with a lot of new relationships. None of this would’ve happened if I had a girlfriend. It was that period of being alone that led to the relationships I had now.
Knowing that warmed my heart a little.
“Almost makes me want another Christmas.” The words spilled out of my mouth.
Ayaka giggled. “I’m glad you’ve gotten over things.”
Did she invite me to the Christmas mixer as a means of helping me cope? The thought came to mind, but I didn’t ask. I didn’t know if she was doing all this on purpose, but either way, I was grateful.
Should I give her a gift as thanks?
I’d never given Ayaka a gift before, but she had given me that key case. She’d graciously accept a return gift, if nothing else.
As I thought about it, she suddenly shouted gleefully, “Look outside!”
I did as directed. Soft, powdery snow danced down from above. It hadn’t fallen on Christmas, but now it threatened to cover the town. How long had it been since I last saw snow? When I opened the window, the dry winter air came in, accompanied by a few snowflakes.
I poked my head out of my second-floor studio and watched the snow fall on the town. “It’s a shame we don’t still have Christmas lights up.”
“Right?!” The sound of Ayaka opening her own window came through the phone. “Brrrr!”
Her innocent excitement made me smile.
“Cold, huh?” My breath rose as condensation into the night sky.
I can’t wait for next Christmas, I thought to myself as the cold air hit my skin.
Bonus Short Story: Top Qualities in Partners!
Bonus Short Story:
Top Qualities in Partners!
“WHAT IS THIS?” I PULLED A GAUDY MAGAZINE out from under my bed. The entire issue was about love. Naturally, I didn’t buy this. It was weird that something like that was even in my home. “Hey, you.”
“My name is not ‘you.’ It’s Shinohara Mayu.” Shinohara lay face down with a cushion under her chest, reading manga. She hadn’t noticed the magazine in my hand, so I decided to smack her on the butt with it. “Ow! I-I’m not into that, so—”
“Hey.”
Realizing that I wasn’t in the mood for games, she took me more seriously this time. “Y-yes? What is it?”
“Why are your dumb magazines under my bed? It’s covered in dust too.”
She frowned and protested, “How rude. The magazines are not dumb, and it being covered in dust is just proof that you neglected to clean in my absence.”
“Urk…” Her unexpected counterattack cut deep. It was true that my laziness was the indirect cause of the dustiness. “But y’know, it won’t get dusty in the first place if you don’t leave it under my bed. Clean up after yourself.”
“I-I can’t believe you, of all people, are telling me that…”
“What is so shocking about that?!”
It felt ridiculous to keep talking about it, so I flipped through the magazine instead. I’d expected it to just summarize people’s social media comments, but surprisingly, the writer’s skill turned the subject into an interesting read. If even a man like me felt that way, then I could see why women liked it.
One article that really caught my eye was the headline from the cover, Top Qualities in Partners!
Rank 1: A fast runner!
Rank 2: Great at sports!
Rank 3: Sweet!
“Is this for elementary schoolers, or what?!” I couldn’t help but scream. It read like a stupid joke to me, but surely this was filling some sort of market demand.
“That’s the kind of mystery that makes this magazine popular.”
“What a bizarre trend.” Silly me for thinking it would actually have realistic answers. I felt a little curious, though, so I asked, “By the way, what kind of partner would you like?” She was watching a TV show about love a while back, so maybe she had given the subject some thought.
Shinohara seemed to rack her brain for a while, but then she clapped her hands together, apparently having come up with an answer.
“Someone older than me!”
“Oh, really?”
Out of all the people who’d confessed to her, the only guy she’d said yes to was older than her. A lot of girls preferred older men, so I wasn’t particularly surprised. But my response seemed to underwhelm her, so she marched over and got right in my face.
“Someone older than me,” she repeated.
“Oh… Okay?”
“Some. One. Old. Er. Than. Me.”
“You’re getting too close!” By the time she was close enough that I could feel her breath, I retreated.
“Ah ha ha! Look how embarrassed you are!” She thrashed all around as she laughed. I had to resist the urge to throw the magazine at her.
Any man who wouldn’t be embarrassed at that distance was insane. How I wished I could control this flirty underclassman, even just a little bit.
Afterword
Afterword
IF YOU’RE STARTING THIS SERIES WITH THE print release, it’s a pleasure to meet you. My name is Omiya Yuu.
To those who read the web novel, it’s been a while! Mii here.
Thank you so much for picking up this book. This is the printed and edited version of what I’ve written on novel publishing websites Kakuyomu and Shousetsuka ni Narou.
Apologies for the sudden question, but what does the Christmas season bring to mind for you?
These days, I feel most people would say that it’s a day to spend with your partner. Another common answer would be that it’s a day to celebrate the birth of Christ.
To me, Christmas is about Santa. I go to bed on Christmas Eve, excited for his arrival and the presents that will be by my pillow the next morning… I don’t get presents anymore, of course, but I still remember that excitement. Next time I visit home, I’ll have to thank Santa for all of these wonderful memories.
The holiday means different things to everyone, but the biggest thing we all have in common is that it’s not a normal day. Just having a few extra special days out of the year is enough to make the calendar so much more colorful. These days, I think that couples celebrate anniversaries, at least in part, for that very reason. Maybe all of us want to inject some extraordinary into the ordinary once in a while, no matter what form it takes, and modern Christmas is a result of that.
I started writing this story hoping that it could be something special to go along with the everyday, just like Christmas. I’m just amazed that I get to put it into the world as a physical book!
All of this is thanks to a web novel contest held on Kakuyomu. I won the special prize, which allowed me to make my debut with Kadokawa Sneaker Bunko.
From here on, I’d like to thank the people involved with my debut.
To my editor, who kindly gave me advice throughout the revising and editing process. To the proofreader who gave me so many helpful tips. To the people in sales and editorial departments. Thank you all so much.
And to the illustrator, Ale-sensei. When my editor first sent me the illustrations, I was so excited that I yelped out loud. Thank you so much for breathing life into my characters.
Finally, I’d like to thank you, reader, for reading the book and this afterword. Your support is literally what makes my writing possible. Thank you so much.
To those who want to meet our flirty underclassman or pretty bad-girl best friend again, and to those who want to know what happens next, I’d love it if you recommended this book to your friends!
Anyway, I should get going soon. I’ll wrap up this afterword now, all the while praying that we’ll meet again in Volume 2.
I hope my first afterword turned out nicely.
—OMIYA YUU